mazey

been awhile since I've been here. this visit is regarding a close friend of my deceased daughter who is wasting her life. ... on alcohol, and maybe other. She has drank for years. 2 years ago went to Hazelton, more likely to appease her parents. Maybe had a couple weeks sober, so since has continued to drink, ya know, periodically, then every couple days, and by now alot ever day. 10 and 11 year olds that know, see, and hurt. A husband who drinks beer in the evenings, works hard, does everything in the home, cuz she sleeps while kids in school then drinks at night, and during the day. She was falling down drunk at my bday party last July, I confronted her, and wrote a letter to her folks and husband. got it all stirred up! she started seeing a counselor, once a week. She says counselor offers nothing, she mostly talks and leaves feeling better... and back at the bottle. I met with her today, and completely was harsh, direct, and very tuff about needing more 'assistance' in her battle w/ alcohol. of course, she agreed, felt bad. I know the drill. Then went to her parents to share my visit info. They do not know what else to do.. IF she does not decide she wants to quit, change none of us can make it happen for her! ;-) but any suggestions I can pass on to her folks/husband. Husband heard her fall couple weeks ago in shower, middle of the night, he confronted her again. it's the typical merry go round. I either 1. pissed her off today, 2. broke her heart or 3. (least likely) made an effect... but perhaps got things 'stirred up' again. My daughter would've given anything to live! (cancer, died at 31) and if alive today would be in her best friends face like I was today. and this poor girl has made a huge bad, self destroying bad choice. Listening...and thanks! ( I was here ? 10ish years ago w/ a S.O. alcoholic. not with him anymore, but took long time. interesting I still recognize many names here! <3

mazey

no, she never attended AA meetings. unfortunately, our local group is a bunch of older men, who were more interested in what her husband did, etc. shooting the ****. we looked for other meetings... in our rural area, almost impossible to find. do have a Church that offers a meeting...she wouldn't go. and does know a friend who attends this meeting.

PhoenixJ

Mazey- no wise words. You can lead a horse to water....
Thoughts and prayers to you and everyone involved .

Delilah1

Sending prayers your way.

mazey

thanks... I understand. few years of a good Alanon group, and reading reading reading... and experiencing has taught me alot. the frustration is just tuff... SHE MUST be willing and dedicated to a change. just thought I"d throw it out there.. I think a terrific AA leader, his sponsor and loved ones are going to try and intervention... my logic tells me one thing! and my heart pulls at another. quite typical of this 'dance', huh!

FeelingGreat

She sounds a lot like my sister. Her marriage broke up, her young children chose to live with their father, she nearly lost her job.....
We tried many different approaches, direct, subtle, angry, reasoning; nothing worked as she laid waste to her life. She would deny she'd been drunk when you saw her falling down.
Eventually she met a guy who filled a need in her life. She still drinks in the evening, and shows signs of brain damage, but it's not as bad by a long shot. One son hasn't seen or spoken to her since he was 16.

atalose

And so must the people around her!

It’s like you all have parts in her play and she is the star. Each one of you plays a role based on her behavior and choices. You all jump into action doing the same things over and over again with nothing changing except the day and time.

How about instead of an intervention for her, have one for all of you and come up with a plan to change how you have all been approaching her alcoholism. Her husband, father, mother, you and anyone else seek out al-anon or counseling for yourselves so that you no longer act when the alcoholic director yells action.