What are the first steps I take for helping alcoholic parent?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Manchester
Posts: 1
What are the first steps I take for helping alcoholic parent?
Hi,
Had a quick look through the newbie posts but haven't really found what I'm looking for - hoping someone that has been through this either as the family member or as the drinker could help please.
My mom has had a drinking problem for around 5 years, that I know of. She has lost jobs, had a car accident, hidden bottles that have been found around the house by my dad. I am an adult, not living in the house.
She has been to a detox facility but my father has recently found two more hidden bottles which she has very shady explanations for.
She seems better than when she was at her worst, but this obviously isn't normal behaviour.
She does not want to talk about it, does not want my father to go to counselling sessions with her either.
He has reached out to me because he is at wits end now and needs help - but I also don't know what to advise? The steps all say to let them hit rock bottom, but how do you actually do that? And should my father stick around until that rock bottom moment happens or leave and say he'll be back after that?
I'm just torn for what to do as it's all so confusing with it being an illness - do I leave it to get worse, or do I try to be at her side through it all?
Had a quick look through the newbie posts but haven't really found what I'm looking for - hoping someone that has been through this either as the family member or as the drinker could help please.
My mom has had a drinking problem for around 5 years, that I know of. She has lost jobs, had a car accident, hidden bottles that have been found around the house by my dad. I am an adult, not living in the house.
She has been to a detox facility but my father has recently found two more hidden bottles which she has very shady explanations for.
She seems better than when she was at her worst, but this obviously isn't normal behaviour.
She does not want to talk about it, does not want my father to go to counselling sessions with her either.
He has reached out to me because he is at wits end now and needs help - but I also don't know what to advise? The steps all say to let them hit rock bottom, but how do you actually do that? And should my father stick around until that rock bottom moment happens or leave and say he'll be back after that?
I'm just torn for what to do as it's all so confusing with it being an illness - do I leave it to get worse, or do I try to be at her side through it all?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, britain--glad you found us here at SR, but really sorry for the situation you're in. I found a lot of learning, growth and healing here and I hope it works that way for you too.
I'm happy to hear that you've been reading around the forum--the more actively you reach out for help, the better for your OWN recovery from the effects of alcoholism in your family. I don't know if you've checked into the "stickies" section at the top of the forum, but there is a lot of education and inspiration to be found there. Here's a link to a thread that might be useful for you as a newcomer:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'd also like to suggest Alanon for you and your dad (not sure how old you are--there is also Alateen for younger folks). Alanon/Alateen is a great resource and wonderful for face-to-face support.
Another part of the forum here at SR you might want to check into, if you haven't already, is this one: Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics (Parents, Sons and Daughters, Siblings) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information It's not as active as this part of the forum, but it's very specific for family members (you can leave an alcoholic BF/GF or divorce an alcoholic spouse, but an A father, son, sister is always there, hence a little different approach).
With all that said, I'm just going to send you hugs, recommend that you continue learning about alcoholism, and please, always remember that you didn't cause her drinking, nor can you control it or cure it. The only person you can save is yourself.
Hoping that you continue to read and post here, and wishing you strength and clarity, britain.
I'm happy to hear that you've been reading around the forum--the more actively you reach out for help, the better for your OWN recovery from the effects of alcoholism in your family. I don't know if you've checked into the "stickies" section at the top of the forum, but there is a lot of education and inspiration to be found there. Here's a link to a thread that might be useful for you as a newcomer:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'd also like to suggest Alanon for you and your dad (not sure how old you are--there is also Alateen for younger folks). Alanon/Alateen is a great resource and wonderful for face-to-face support.
Another part of the forum here at SR you might want to check into, if you haven't already, is this one: Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics (Parents, Sons and Daughters, Siblings) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information It's not as active as this part of the forum, but it's very specific for family members (you can leave an alcoholic BF/GF or divorce an alcoholic spouse, but an A father, son, sister is always there, hence a little different approach).
With all that said, I'm just going to send you hugs, recommend that you continue learning about alcoholism, and please, always remember that you didn't cause her drinking, nor can you control it or cure it. The only person you can save is yourself.
Hoping that you continue to read and post here, and wishing you strength and clarity, britain.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Britain.....I suggest that you and your father go to alanon....alanon is for you and your father...and, AA is for the alcoholic......
Also, the family is often enabling (without understanding that is what they are doing)......(alanon will help you uncover this...and, you will discover that you are not alone in this situation)......
It will be good to remember that you all are not the reason she drinks...she drinks because she is an alcoholic...and, that is what alcoholics do...
If she has been in AA, she might have a sponsor.....if so, you might, also call her sponsor (at least, that is what I would do. Spmetimes a member of AA will make a visit as part of 12 step work)....I am not an AA member, myself....but, I have known of this happening....
I understand how difficult this is for you and your father....
Also, the family is often enabling (without understanding that is what they are doing)......(alanon will help you uncover this...and, you will discover that you are not alone in this situation)......
It will be good to remember that you all are not the reason she drinks...she drinks because she is an alcoholic...and, that is what alcoholics do...
If she has been in AA, she might have a sponsor.....if so, you might, also call her sponsor (at least, that is what I would do. Spmetimes a member of AA will make a visit as part of 12 step work)....I am not an AA member, myself....but, I have known of this happening....
I understand how difficult this is for you and your father....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Welcome, your father is drawing you into the family dance of alcoholism. You can be supportive to your dad and your mom but only your dad can lead his life. He needs to ask those tough questions for himself. What does he want? Your mom will continue to do what she does until she decides she is losing too much. No one can say when, how or if that happens.
The focus is to stay focused in you. What do you want to do? Is this the life you want to live? Both of you could discover those things at alanon. You can only control yourself. The actions you take are for your own happiness, wellbeing and serenity not to cure another persons alcoholism.
The focus is to stay focused in you. What do you want to do? Is this the life you want to live? Both of you could discover those things at alanon. You can only control yourself. The actions you take are for your own happiness, wellbeing and serenity not to cure another persons alcoholism.
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