help
 

I am the wife of an alcoholic. I've had
such a string of horrible weekends that
I realize I have to get some help for myself.
I love my husband but yesterday I didn't
care if he died or not.

He's not only addicted to alcohol. He's also
addicted to sex.

I'm not sure what to do. I have two daughters at home.

Hi...

I'm so sorry for your pain. Have you gone to an Al-Anon meeting yet? Please know that you are not alone and we share with your pain.

Jane

I've not gone to a AlAnon meeting yet.
I'm afraid to go....I feel guilty today
for having the thoughts I did. But I am
beginning to dread the weekends. My husband
makes it though the weekdays fine...until
cocktail hour each day....but the weekends
have been worse lately....I feel depressed
except with my daughters.....

Hello Mrs. B...
Why are you afraid to go to al-anon meetings? They're all just people like you, and they all want you there.
Please don't beat yourself up over your angry thoughts. A thought is not a deed. It's not like you went out and cut his brake-line. You just needed to imagine life without him, and for some reason, you can only manage that scenario with him dead. I suggest that you imagine life without him a little more. Only without the dying part. You are the only one who can decide when you've had enough, but it's helpful to have options in your mental library. Imagine yourself free and think about how you would accomplish that. It is possible. Then if you decide to stay with him, it is not because you cannot see any other way, but because you have CHOSEN. That in itself is a freeing thing.

Please keep posting and please stop feeling guilty.

Smoke

Hi Mrs Blazeo

My name is Angela, and I hear your pain - and I've lived it too. My husband is an alcoholic and sex addict as well.

I know your hurt - and I can tell you that sharing these things with people who understand will benefit you, and free you from the bondage that you feel because of his addictions.

Try calling to speak to someone in your area from Al Anon, and also for women's support groups for husbands with sex addictions.

I can recommend a really good book that would help you understand the sex addiction. It is called 'An Affair of the Mind', by Laurie Hall. I hope this helps you. Keep in touch.

Luv
Angela

Thank you Angela, I will get the book.
I stay confused..part of me says stay in
the marriage part of me wants to run. He
is fine on the weekdays, but the weekends
sometimes are difficult. The last two, he
uses 9-11 as an excuse to drink...says, "it
has profoundly effected him". Well it has
me also but I don't get stumbling drunk.

There is hope for sex and porn addiction.

Sex porn and lust addiction recovery has a solution.

SA says...
We saw that our problem was three-fold: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Healing had to come about in all three.

The crucial change in attitude began when we admitted we were powerless, that our habit had us whipped. We came to meetings and withdrew from our habit. For some, this meant no sex with themselves or others, including not getting into relationships. For others it meant "drying out" and not having sex with the spouse for a time to recover from lust.

We discovered that we could stop, that not feeding the hunger didn't kill us, that sex was indeed optional! There was hope for freedom, and we began to feel alive. Encouraged to continue, we turned more and more away from our isolating obsession with sex and self and turned to God and others.

All this was scary. We couldn't see the path ahead, except that others had gone that way before. Each new step of surrender felt it would be off the edge into oblivion, but we took it. And instead of killing us, surrender was killing the obsession! We had stepped into the light, into a whole new way of life.

The fellowship gave us monitoring and support to keep us from being overwhelmed, a safe haven where we could finally face ourselves. Instead of covering our feelings with compulsive sex, we began exposing the roots of our spiritual emptiness and hunger. And the healing began.

As we faced our defects, we became willing to change; surrendering them broke the power they had over us. We began to be more comfortable with ourselves and others for the first time without our "drug."

Forgiving all who had injured us, and without injuring others, we tried to right our own wrongs. At each amends more of the dreadful load of guilt dropped from our shoulders, until we could lift our heads, look the world in the eye, and stand free.

We began practicing a positive sobriety, taking the actions of love to improve our relations with others. We were learning how to give; and the measure we gave was the measure we got back. We were finding what none of the substitutes had ever supplied. We were making the real Connection. We were home.

© 1982, 1989, 2001 SA Literature.
Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.

© 1997-2003 Sexaholics Anonymous Inc.


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Sexaholics Anonymous Telephone Numbers
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National information line for S-ANON (12 step spiritual program for the family members or friends of those addicted to sexually compulsive and self-destructive behavior): (615) 833-3152, www.sanon.org.

NJ,

Thank you!

M

Mrs Blazeo,

Another resource is COSA.

http://health.groups.*****.com/group/COSA_12_STEP/

You are not alone! There are many many of us who understand what it is like to love someone involved in both addictions!

Hugs,

Marci

Hi Mrs. B,

It's not unusual to imagine them dead.........been there done that. So don't feel guilty about it.

Like Smoke said imagine life without him but without the dead part.

Sounds like a nightmare situation. Someone told me once try to take an action based on what is best for my kids.

Alanon meetings are full of people with the same problems.

Ngaire

mrs blazeo did you/he try sa or sanon meeting?

this is too hard to do alone.

Ummm, sorry but Mrs. Blazeo has not been here since October 2001 when this was posted.

Someone must have found it in the archives, so please do not be disappointed if Mrs. B does not answer. I'm sure she is doing fine.

I emailed her, she wrote back reporting progress not perfection...

Asked her to visit us!