heather59901

Hello All! I need some advice, I think. SO, my Alcoholic ex and I split over a year ago. He left us (I have 3 teenagers and we have 2 toddlers together) for his alcoholic ex GF. I maintained some contact with him afterwards, but it declined over time. I actually haven't had contact with him now since August. He has called and texted but I don't respond anymore. Yesterday, I received a letter from him. I guess he is in Inpatient Rehab again. He asked about the kids, told me he went to rehab on his own, etc. I have moved on with my life, for the most part. I'm not dating (don't want to) but I am just focusing on work and my kids. I do think about him a bit but I still have a lot of anger and resentment. I wanted for years for him to get sober, if nothing else, for the kids. I am unconvinced that this time will stick either as he has been to rehab so many times and relapses within a month. I think I just need some advice on how to proceed as far as contact with him. I don't know what to expect since every other time he went to rehab, we were together. I have no expectations at this point and obviously no inclination to get back together. I don't want to be actively involved in his recovery like I tried to be before. Any ideas on what I should expect and how I should proceed as far as requests to see our kids, etc?

hopeful4

Expect nothing I would say. What they do in rehab, in a controlled environment, is likely completely different that what they do after. That is when the rubber meets the road so to speak.

I would be honest with him and tell him much of what you just said in your above post. It's articulate and truthful. Time and actions is what proves things, not words.

Hugs.

heartcore

I think he has the right to see his children; if he's unsafe, they could be professionally supervised visits.

You're under no obligation to visit him or help him, except in terms of facilitating safe/appropriate contact with the children (might even be phone calls initially, supervised by his therapist).

AnvilheadII

so far you have a letter that states he is in rehab and that he inquired after his children. he did not ask you for help, he did not ask you to bring the children to see him, or to see them in the future. and that's it.

given his track record i don't see where YOU need to DO anything. and that includes sending a reply. he's been down this road before....sounds like he has a rehab punch card. whether or not it sticks THIS TIME remains to be seen.

nothing has really changed, except his temporary mailing address. i wouldn't get too worked up - maintain a wait and see approach.

atalose

I guess I am a little hard a** on this but I agree, expect nothing!!! There is no reason at this point that your life or the lives of your children need to start revolving around the A once again just because he’s sent you a piece of paper with some words on it.

Nothing says you have to respond and given his past history I’d be inclined to at this point in time.
More will be revealed in time.

NewRomanMan

what hopeful4 said =)

AnvilheadII

PS - atalose and anvilhead really ARE two different people, even if they sometimes post almost identical messages!!!!!

maia1234

I also agree with Anvil, he is asking nothing of you. Put the letter away and go about your business.

Us codies always like to think there is something beyond that. Its great he is getting sober, and if it it sticks this time, Awesome!! If it doesn't no sweat to you. I am sure more will be revealed at a later date.

Hugs my friend, keep moving forward with your kiddos!!

atalose

Anvilhead I think we both posted at the same time! lol And I like your thinking!!!

LexieCat

I agree with everyone else. No decisions to be made at this time. Cross those bridges when you come to them. When/if you get requests to see the kids you can evaluate the situation at that time.