knowthetriggers

Tonight I get to sit with a new friend one on one before my meeting. I am so happy she offered when she reached out to me last night. I am excited to start my journey of recovery.

Seems like I am on my way and them fall back to step one again. The only thing I can see is that I have not willing let go - it's hard. Two of his AA friends have reached out to me and both say they see hope, if he wants it (naturally). And then both have said they can "see" that he wants it and that he is fighting a real battle.

This disease is so cunning and baffling.

I am seeking a sponsor; hopefully I can find one soon.

hopeful4

Glad you have a buddy.

A few of the ladies that took me under their wing in the beginning at CR have ended up being life long friends for me. A truly special bond that even when we don't see each other for a time, it's still there.

Hugs.

Kboys

Big hugs KTT.
It's hard to see your own progress sometimes when you feel like you keep falling back to step one, but I bet if you think back to a year or a few years ago, you can see some major changes in yourself.
Keep going... You're doing great!!!

atalose

Maybe try detaching from HIS RECOVERY and focus on your own. At this point in time it’s not helpful to your recovery to hear from HIS AA friends about HIS recovery or THEIR opinions of his recovery.

What is it that you are not willing to let go of?

FireSprite

((((Hugs)))) KTT. I can't imagine how difficult this time has been for you.

I am of the same mindset as atalose - maybe it's time to take a much more hands-off his recovery & focus on your own instead? If it were me I'd tell his AA friends that they really need to be reaching out to HIM, not me, because I have my own group to lean on that understands *my* side of things more thoroughly.

Staying in contact with his support group = very blurry boundaries to me. How is that a sanctuary for him?

You have made tremendous strides in your recovery & it's time to REALLY focus on your & the kids 100% now - especially while he is away getting professional help.

atalose

Another helpful tool from the al-anon program is the phone list. When that compulsion to get into HIS recovery hits you, give someone a call and talk it out with them. Bring it back onto your side of the street. Like, why does knowing what he is or isn’t doing in AA impacting you so much? Is there some ultimatum you have issued to him like go to AA and work the program or else __________?

knowthetriggers

I appreciate their concern for him and their concern for the family. I believe they are just trying to be supportive but I do think I need to disconnect. When he came home from the earlier detox we were both wound up in each others recovery that I finally had to set a boundary. It worked for a while until things started to progress a couple weeks ago.

What stands out to me is my AH told me himself, "just let me worry about my recovery". Goes to show you how completely involved I had become, again.

AnvilheadII

i think it crosses a line for his AA friends to call you and tout what they can SEE in him, in light of very recent events. it is NOT their place to try and sell YOU on his desire for recovery. and if they think he is doing so darn great, how about he go live with THEM?

i worry you aren't quite getting just how SERIOUS this all is. and how a few AA meetings are NOT going to fix him.

there's talking the talk..........and walking the walk.

knowthetriggers

This is VERY SERIOUS. And I know AA will not fix him. Once he gets thru this detox we will have to discuss living arrangements.

Will it be easy, no - but I can only take this one day at a time.

hopeful4

Good for you. For myself, the whole day at a time thing was, and still is, the hardest thing to grasp. I am by nature controlling and like order. I have this life that is out of order and I have to take it a day at a time, and that's hard.

Hugs to you. Keep your peace and keep utilizing everything in your toolbox of recovery tools!

LexieCat

I just wanted to point out that what Anvil said is that "a few AA meetings are NOT going to fix him." AA might very well "fix" him--but it will take a lot more than a few meetings. I think that was the point.