Is this not weird? Advice please
 

This is something odd that AH said to me this morning. I had gotten back from my counseling appointment and errands, I omitted the appointment from the details to avoid drama, anyway, when I got back he asked if I got his "find me" app request and I hadn't. I didn't know what he was talking about and got dismissed as he was leaving for work as I got home. So I just realized it's a locating function on our phones so he can ping me and basically, check in on me without my knowledge. This is really upsetting me and I don't know really how to handle it. My privacy settings are off on this function.

What was his reasoning for this?

In a way it's good for someone to be able to find you if you drive off the road somewhere but if he is a jealous type or insecure I would say no. If he's a drinking alcoholic, definitely I'd say no.

That's scary. You avoided mentioning your counseling appt. because you knew he would be nasty about it, he's tracking your whereabouts like you're a stolen car with a LoJack. He's scared of you getting healthy and is ramping up his control tactics. Please be very careful. If he suspects you're thinking of leaving, this could turn into a dangerous situation for you and the kids.

Because I was gone from the house without the kids in tow, and I did not give an exact play by play. He is becoming more controlling lately and possessive in things he says.

Ladyscribbler, yes I think you nailed it. That's exactly how I interpreted it.

I think those apps are totally creepy.

And just a heads-up, if he has access to your phone (which he probably does, unless you shower with it), it's not that difficult for him to install an app that you wouldn't even know was there and running. I train on stalking, so I know these things exist. There are even apps that turn your phone into a microphone without your knowledge, that allow him to track everything you do on your phone, etc. I'm not saying he WOULD do that, simply that he COULD do that.

In an emergency situation, the police are able to locate you using your phone without having any apps running. I sure as heck wouldn't allow anyone to track MY whereabouts.

It seems really controlling. Can you delete it?

ugh. That's so scary, Lexie.

If the user has a locked iPhone with a passcode, can they still be tracked via some app (other than emergency use/police.)

I'm not a tech expert. There are "sellers" in the market who claim they can install such apps remotely. I tend to doubt it, personally. I think a person needs personal access to the device.

But when you think about it, lots of people have kids, and it's possible to track a parent by installing such a thing on their phone. And there are lots of other nefarious ways stalkers can track what you're doing. Tech is just another tool, but it's a tricky one to recognize.

ETA: Some apps allow others to see your location if GPS is enabled and the settings on the app aren't set to private.

Can you take it to a phone shop to see if any spyware has been installed? Or if not, there's some good info here about how to check your phone for spyware http://acisni.com/is-there-spy-software-on-my-cell-phone-how-to-detect-being-monitored/

Well, that is really convenient for the burglars, now isn't it?

I mean, I knew it was possible, but not that it was possible without access to the phone. Let's hope that is the case. If I were the OP, I'd definitely use a passcode on my phone.

Maybe reset your phone to factory settings...for peace of mind. I think that would remove anything put on your phone without your knowledge and then password protect your phone. It's a thought.

Yes my phone is brand new and I am the one who activated it. He is not tech savvy at all, and my phone is both password and finger print locked. The app on my phone is a factory application used for more in the situation of minors being on the phone plan, for a parental control type scenario.

He wasn't being sneaky about it, but just the fact that he thought this was a good idea...I am a separate person from him and I think he forgets that fact. I don't have a desire to always know his whereabouts

Well. There goes MY serenity for the night. Because....I am so not tech-savvy, in the first place...and, I am just as ignorant of the laws--as to what is legal and what is not.
sometimes, I feel like all privacy is lost...like privacy. and security about our affairs, is just an illusion that we still cling to.....
A scam on every corner.....and, much of the news is fake.....

Maybe, tomorrow...I am going to start burying my money and communicate with orange juice cans and string. Only hand written communication (in pig latin). Perhaps, go to the mountains of Nepal...which is a long dream of mine, anyway.....and transportation is by mountain goat...where you can only track the goat by the DNA in the poo.

thousandwords....please be vigilant, and keep a very low profile as to any of your plans.....

You made me laugh, Dandylion. Orange juice cans and string...and the mountain goat and its droppings. :) I hope you make it to Nepal someday.

Idk what kind of phone you have but I have an iPhone. If there are too many apps for you to look through or if you don't recognize one as being new or different you can go to your settings and turn off data to your apps. It will render them useless. Just turn on the ones you actually use. Not sure how savvy he is but for basic apps this will work

I definitely would not do that. Creepy.

Yes, it was/is creepy. AH did not drop the subject either, was showing me the app and how he already linked up with his brother on it...I just acted interested/uninterested lol. I do not want to even open that pandoras box. He's been pushing to face-time me (yes, an I-phone) but I am still getting used to new phone. Any who, privacy is just not a priority to some. I'm paranoid, maybe...but probably not.

If you've got nothing to hide don't worry about it.

<<<(And that is exactly what he would say, btw)

I do not have anything to hide. But I do not like the feeling of slowly being suffocated by every aspect of my life questioned and monitored and being accused of affairs, and to have to answer exactly when I will be home, my exact whereabouts. I am not his possession and that it how I am treated. This was another notch in his control belt. Even if he may not realize what he is doing, I can see it.

I believe that people (adults) are entitled to whatever privacy they desire...regardless of the circumstances.......