hearthealth

I am tired of my husband. I don't have a relationship with him. I sat next to him after I worked and he asked me to move, too close and we weren't even touching. I got upset. After the children went to bed I told him this relationship wasn't working for me. He tried to blame me. I didn't deserve it. I wouldn't allow him to shift the topic. I realized I never trained my husband. He has always got his way I never said no to anything or expected anything from him. Now I do. I don't know if he'll get it but I need to see.

CaptainM

That feeling of sitting next to someone and feeling lonely.... it's so sad and I've been there, too.

Keep working on you and setting up boundaries as necessary. You cannot control or train him, but you can change you and how you react. Maybe next time this happens you can draw yourself a bath or go read your favorite book/magazine. You don't have to stay sitting next to someone, even if you're married.

((((hugs))))

SparkleKitty

Hi hearthealth. Can you talk a little bit about what specifically you "need to see" from him that will show you that he "gets it"?

NewRomanMan

Are you tired of your husband or are you tired of the way your relationship isn't working? There is a difference. A marriage is a separate entity from the two parties involved. It needs a very specific kind of care. I would very much hope that you'd consider marital counseling if you haven't already. And I don't mean trying it once and calling it good. I mean seriously looking for the right counselor for the both of you. Just my two cents. Nothing more.

hearthealth

He won't do marriage counseling. He chose the last one and then everything was wrong with her not him.

NewRomanMan

I'm sorry to hear that hearthealth. You do what you need to do, then. I'm sorry you're going thru this. =(

SparkleKitty

So this tells me a lot. Someone who is invested in making a marriage work will do use every resource at their disposal and be willing to look at their own part in what's not working. Kind of like you are doing.

It sounds like the only person this isn't working for is you.

dandylion

Generally, marriage counseling is not recommended for active addiction or ABUSE (emotional or physical). In these situations, it can make the situation worse for the victim/partner.....Individual counseling, instead, is generally what is recommended, instead.
Like addictions, abuse tends to get worse over time....

qtpi

agree with dandylion. no point to counselling if a person is under the influence. sobriety first.