New here - Looking for guidance
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Nobody wants to be micromanaged. It's all about CONTROL.
Here's what enforcing a boundary looks like: Your boundary is crossed, you take whatever action you've decided, in advance, you are going to take. You don't point out that the boundary has been crossed, argue when the other person denies it has been crossed, and then let the other person blame you for his crossing of the boundary.
As Yoda would say, "Do, or do not."
Oh, and he's not "lying"--he's giving you "alternative facts."
Here's what enforcing a boundary looks like: Your boundary is crossed, you take whatever action you've decided, in advance, you are going to take. You don't point out that the boundary has been crossed, argue when the other person denies it has been crossed, and then let the other person blame you for his crossing of the boundary.
As Yoda would say, "Do, or do not."
Oh, and he's not "lying"--he's giving you "alternative facts."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 208
Just a little update, al-anon has been helping. I'm doing pretty good about minding my own business and not acknowledging his drinking, I'm doing more for myself without worrying about what he's going to think.
Right now, I'm content. Not happy, not miserable. I know for certain I don't want to live in mediocrity, so I'm planning (quietly) for my next step if he continues to be an active alcoholic. I'm going to look at a few vintage campers next week, which is actually kinda fun.
I know it sounds crazy, but when I leave him, I want something that's mine, something that no one can take away from me, and something that I don't have to worry about having someone's permission to bring my animals to. It's a small freedom, but it would be mine and mine alone. Plus, if things got miserable, I could just pack up and find somewhere new to live. My parents support this idea (because they get to use it while I'm still living at AH's house).
I'm getting kinda excited about a new chapter of my life, so I thought I'd share.
Right now, I'm content. Not happy, not miserable. I know for certain I don't want to live in mediocrity, so I'm planning (quietly) for my next step if he continues to be an active alcoholic. I'm going to look at a few vintage campers next week, which is actually kinda fun.
I know it sounds crazy, but when I leave him, I want something that's mine, something that no one can take away from me, and something that I don't have to worry about having someone's permission to bring my animals to. It's a small freedom, but it would be mine and mine alone. Plus, if things got miserable, I could just pack up and find somewhere new to live. My parents support this idea (because they get to use it while I'm still living at AH's house).
I'm getting kinda excited about a new chapter of my life, so I thought I'd share.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Just keep in mind that, depending on the law in your state, there's a good likelihood that anything acquired during the marriage will be subject to equitable distribution in a divorce. Even if you buy it for yourself with your "own" money.
Might not be a bad idea to consult a divorce lawyer just to get a sense of how you would be likely to make out if things take that turn. It doesn't commit you to anything, but at least you'd have an idea where you would stand.
Might not be a bad idea to consult a divorce lawyer just to get a sense of how you would be likely to make out if things take that turn. It doesn't commit you to anything, but at least you'd have an idea where you would stand.
I work for a divorce attorney. It will be titled and financed in my dad's name. I will be making the payments to him out of my "emergency fund". So "technically", it wouldn't be mine.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I know it sounds crazy, but when I leave him, I want something that's mine, something that no one can take away from me, and something that I don't have to worry about having someone's permission to bring my animals to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 208
Originally Posted by firebolt 
Doesn't sound crazy at all - sounds AMAZING!! I always thought joining https://www.sistersonthefly.com/ would be awesome!
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