Mediation Today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Mediation Today
Hi,
I had my mediation session today. We both were in separate rooms due to the domestic violence order.
It didn't go well! My AH wanted to base the value of our home on the tax assessment. We had decided , or I should say, my AH originally stated it was worth about 25,000.00 more. Based on the tax assessment, and minus out mortgage, he wanted to give me the land we own across the street from the house, that I bought with my mother's inheritance.
Again, I never wanted to buy the land, he did. I invested a lot of money over the years in our home.
That land might take years to sell, and why would I want property across the street from him. My
AH never invested any of his money to buy that land.
The mediator relayed that on to him and his attorney. She came back with they wanted 6 months for him to be able to refinance the house. Still, no amount.
I stated he has had a year to figure out how he was going refinance the home. My
AH is still claiming no income from the business. His sister is still paying the mortgage. They want 6 months to refinance the house!
Again, I'm living on a shoe string! What is going to change in months!
If my AH was taking this seriously, he would have gotten a job, and started paying his own bills.
We scheduled another mediation session. I think my AH just wants another 6 months and is stalling. He likes where he's at and doesn't want things to change.
I need closure to this! I also need some financial relief!
You m loosing faith in the judicial system.
My next mediation is scheduled for March 15th.
So my thoughts is I'll be saying the same things this time next year.
Any advice? Not sure how much more I can take!!!!
Thank you!
Z
I had my mediation session today. We both were in separate rooms due to the domestic violence order.
It didn't go well! My AH wanted to base the value of our home on the tax assessment. We had decided , or I should say, my AH originally stated it was worth about 25,000.00 more. Based on the tax assessment, and minus out mortgage, he wanted to give me the land we own across the street from the house, that I bought with my mother's inheritance.
Again, I never wanted to buy the land, he did. I invested a lot of money over the years in our home.
That land might take years to sell, and why would I want property across the street from him. My
AH never invested any of his money to buy that land.
The mediator relayed that on to him and his attorney. She came back with they wanted 6 months for him to be able to refinance the house. Still, no amount.
I stated he has had a year to figure out how he was going refinance the home. My
AH is still claiming no income from the business. His sister is still paying the mortgage. They want 6 months to refinance the house!
Again, I'm living on a shoe string! What is going to change in months!
If my AH was taking this seriously, he would have gotten a job, and started paying his own bills.
We scheduled another mediation session. I think my AH just wants another 6 months and is stalling. He likes where he's at and doesn't want things to change.
I need closure to this! I also need some financial relief!
You m loosing faith in the judicial system.
My next mediation is scheduled for March 15th.
So my thoughts is I'll be saying the same things this time next year.
Any advice? Not sure how much more I can take!!!!
Thank you!
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Did you AGREE to the additional mediation session? Or was it granted over your objection?
Nobody HAS to agree to anything at mediation. Seems to me he's not bargaining in good faith, so it might be time to pull the plug.
Nobody HAS to agree to anything at mediation. Seems to me he's not bargaining in good faith, so it might be time to pull the plug.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Cleveland OH
Posts: 49
It sounds like the lawyers are the only ones benefiting from mediation. Can you make a list of demands and if they are not met then skip mediation and go to trial? The house value and assessed value are rarely the same. I was told by my attorney that our house would be valued by an independent appraiser. Sorry Zircon. Do you have friends you can count on who have been through a divorce? Any friends in Al-Anon who can advise you?
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Take him to court. He will drag this out as long as you let him. It's in HIS best interest to stall as long as he can. Isn't hiding his income from the business illegal? Perhaps a judge is exactly what's called for.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
We were told to get an independent appraisal of our home, too, and we were given clear instructions on how to go about it to make sure it was fair and unbiased. I don't think your STBXAH should be able to assert some other assessment is accurate.
And I'm no expert, but if you bought the other land with your inherited money, it sounds like that flat out belongs to you anyway?
I agree with the others who suggest punting on mediation and going to court instead. It all costs money, and it sounds like this is just dragging out the process and expenses. I believe that if he's not negotiating in good faith, you can ask for reimbursement of the legal fees from him.
And I'm no expert, but if you bought the other land with your inherited money, it sounds like that flat out belongs to you anyway?
I agree with the others who suggest punting on mediation and going to court instead. It all costs money, and it sounds like this is just dragging out the process and expenses. I believe that if he's not negotiating in good faith, you can ask for reimbursement of the legal fees from him.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
If any of the funds used to purchase the land were ever commingled with marital funds, then the land might be considered marital property. The lawyer could advise you on that.
I would ask your lawyer to request an end to mediation, since his supposed financial condition gives him no prospect of having the resources to refinance. You gave mediation a chance, which is generally all that the court system requires. He's not bargaining in good faith; he's simply dragging things out to maintain his own standard of living at the expense of yours. If he's got the money to refinance, he's got enough money to be paying you. Or if his sister has the money, let her buy it and he can work it out with her.
Given the value he places on the house and the land and the mortgage, have you offered him the land in exchange for the equity in the house? If he refuses, that sort of highlights that he isn't bargaining in good faith.
I would ask your lawyer to request an end to mediation, since his supposed financial condition gives him no prospect of having the resources to refinance. You gave mediation a chance, which is generally all that the court system requires. He's not bargaining in good faith; he's simply dragging things out to maintain his own standard of living at the expense of yours. If he's got the money to refinance, he's got enough money to be paying you. Or if his sister has the money, let her buy it and he can work it out with her.
Given the value he places on the house and the land and the mortgage, have you offered him the land in exchange for the equity in the house? If he refuses, that sort of highlights that he isn't bargaining in good faith.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I gave it some thought last night. To offer the land that we bought with my mother's inheritance is ridiculous! First of all, it was bought with my mother's inheritance, not money that was considered marital assets. Second, let's say, I have 50,000 equity in my home. Let's say the land is worth 35,000. Also land is very hard to sell where I live. Why would I want property next to him. Back to my point, he only owns 1/2 that property, if any. So his portion is worth roughly 19,000. How is that an equal exchange. I would say he's 21,000 dollars short. Do they thing I'm a fool.
Then, they want 6 months to refinance! So I'm supposed to put my life on hold while he lives comfortably.
A question? We have a court date jan 31, for the motions to compel, the ones to request he answer certain discovery questions. Can at this court date, the issue brought up about putting the house up for sale, or giving him 30days to refinance, because he's had a year to figure it out, and still not paying his mortgage payment, and showing no income.
I agree, they are not being reasonable and treating me like I'm a moron, and how I live and survive doesn't matter!
I gave it some thought last night. To offer the land that we bought with my mother's inheritance is ridiculous! First of all, it was bought with my mother's inheritance, not money that was considered marital assets. Second, let's say, I have 50,000 equity in my home. Let's say the land is worth 35,000. Also land is very hard to sell where I live. Why would I want property next to him. Back to my point, he only owns 1/2 that property, if any. So his portion is worth roughly 19,000. How is that an equal exchange. I would say he's 21,000 dollars short. Do they thing I'm a fool.
Then, they want 6 months to refinance! So I'm supposed to put my life on hold while he lives comfortably.
A question? We have a court date jan 31, for the motions to compel, the ones to request he answer certain discovery questions. Can at this court date, the issue brought up about putting the house up for sale, or giving him 30days to refinance, because he's had a year to figure it out, and still not paying his mortgage payment, and showing no income.
I agree, they are not being reasonable and treating me like I'm a moron, and how I live and survive doesn't matter!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The idea of a negotiation is that both parties give up something for the sake of something else. If holding onto everything you'd be entitled to under the law is that important to you, go straight to court. No point in negotiating.
The idea is to weigh the various factors--how long it might take to get a final result; the likelihood the court will give you what you hope it will; how well you can manage in the meantime. Not to mention the cost of litigation.
Getting steamed at him for not negotiating doesn't do a lot of good when you're being stubborn on your points, too. You can't have "fast" and "how I want it" and "inexpensive." Remember the bottom line. I understand how you feel about property bought with your inheritance, but as I said, if the funds were ever commingled it might not make any difference. Is it titled solely in your name? Did you keep the funds you bought it with completely separate, never placing it in a joint account?
The idea is to weigh the various factors--how long it might take to get a final result; the likelihood the court will give you what you hope it will; how well you can manage in the meantime. Not to mention the cost of litigation.
Getting steamed at him for not negotiating doesn't do a lot of good when you're being stubborn on your points, too. You can't have "fast" and "how I want it" and "inexpensive." Remember the bottom line. I understand how you feel about property bought with your inheritance, but as I said, if the funds were ever commingled it might not make any difference. Is it titled solely in your name? Did you keep the funds you bought it with completely separate, never placing it in a joint account?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 208
Mediation is quite simply Alternative Dispute Resolution. Keyword ALTERNATIVE. If you can't come to an agreement, you can take him to trial and let a jury decide who gets what. Of course, your attorney may charge extra for trial, but the jury might also award attorney's fees. You do NOT have to settle for what he wants.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
It doesn't sound like he negotiated anything. Don't really see a purpose in further mediation except that in another 2 month he will ask for another 6 month to work on refinance. I am skeptical that he really has "no income". I am also skeptical that sister, out of the kindness of her heart, is "really" paying the mortgage payment.
My guess is he has hidden income.
The house needs to be appraised as does the land. His guesstimate of value is simply NOT acceptable as end all be all. Regardless than you don't want a piece of property next to him, that's where it is. Is he titled on the property? Did you deposit your inheritance into a shared account? You aren't likely going to be able to stick him with that property as his asset while you get your portion ( or more) of the value of the home or vice versa as he has suggested. I am puzzled how someone sans income could get a refinance last I checked income still matters on a mortgage
I'd move to sell both properties. No way would I agree to 6 months on refi he will never get. I have a feeling he will become very motivated when his option is to sell it. Additionally I would move to put the land up for sale and if he can attach to the proceeds - rather than you take it and deduct your share of the house let him share in the wait to sell it.
I think if I were you would pull the plug on mediation, and just head to Court. Might stimulate some willingness to "really" settle.
My guess is he has hidden income.
The house needs to be appraised as does the land. His guesstimate of value is simply NOT acceptable as end all be all. Regardless than you don't want a piece of property next to him, that's where it is. Is he titled on the property? Did you deposit your inheritance into a shared account? You aren't likely going to be able to stick him with that property as his asset while you get your portion ( or more) of the value of the home or vice versa as he has suggested. I am puzzled how someone sans income could get a refinance last I checked income still matters on a mortgage
I'd move to sell both properties. No way would I agree to 6 months on refi he will never get. I have a feeling he will become very motivated when his option is to sell it. Additionally I would move to put the land up for sale and if he can attach to the proceeds - rather than you take it and deduct your share of the house let him share in the wait to sell it.
I think if I were you would pull the plug on mediation, and just head to Court. Might stimulate some willingness to "really" settle.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I have no attachment to the land, even though it was bought with my mom inheritance. As far a im concerned it can be put up for sale and we both spilt the money!
What I won't negotiate on is my home. I would like the house sold and my AH and I split the proceeds.
I want this down fairly, but my AH isn't been fair! Exchanging the piece of land bought with my mom money, isn't fair!! Allowing him another 6 months to reside in that home, and pretend to have no income, and continue to have his sister pay his bills is ludicrous! What if my AH takes his rage out on his sister, she refuses to pay the house, it goes into foreclosure. I will loose my little bit of money that's my security!
My AH has made no attempt in the past year to pay his own bills or get a job, or close the business that supposedly is not making enough for him to draw a paycheck.
Is there any such thing as an emergency court hearing, that the court to give him maybe 30 days to figure how to buy me out, or order it to be sold?
Again, I am not asking for much. I understand that I was foolish and spend my mother's inheritance on things like the business and land. I don't expect any more than 1/2 of that stuff. My AH can have his 1/2.
But land can take years to sell. The house should sell quickly. I just want my 1/2 of our home, so I have a little money so I can live!
Z
I have no attachment to the land, even though it was bought with my mom inheritance. As far a im concerned it can be put up for sale and we both spilt the money!
What I won't negotiate on is my home. I would like the house sold and my AH and I split the proceeds.
I want this down fairly, but my AH isn't been fair! Exchanging the piece of land bought with my mom money, isn't fair!! Allowing him another 6 months to reside in that home, and pretend to have no income, and continue to have his sister pay his bills is ludicrous! What if my AH takes his rage out on his sister, she refuses to pay the house, it goes into foreclosure. I will loose my little bit of money that's my security!
My AH has made no attempt in the past year to pay his own bills or get a job, or close the business that supposedly is not making enough for him to draw a paycheck.
Is there any such thing as an emergency court hearing, that the court to give him maybe 30 days to figure how to buy me out, or order it to be sold?
Again, I am not asking for much. I understand that I was foolish and spend my mother's inheritance on things like the business and land. I don't expect any more than 1/2 of that stuff. My AH can have his 1/2.
But land can take years to sell. The house should sell quickly. I just want my 1/2 of our home, so I have a little money so I can live!
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'd suggest that you ask your lawyer those questions. None of us is qualified to give you legal advice regarding the law in your specific jurisdiction, in your specific circumstances. This is what you are PAYING your lawyer to do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Zircon people can ASK FOR ANYTHING.
Including you.
Why didn't you come back with awl both property and split proceeds? No? See you in Court.
I know this has been exasperating for you but you do have a voice in the matter.
Including you.
Why didn't you come back with awl both property and split proceeds? No? See you in Court.
I know this has been exasperating for you but you do have a voice in the matter.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I did say both properties be sold, and the proceeds split. They came back with the ridiculous exchanging the land for the house. It's obvious that my AH wants the house. But he has no income so can't afford it. I don't understand why the option is even on the table that he can buy the house. My lawyer stated the court will probably give him 3months to refinance. But my lawyer states it will take about 6 months for us to get a court date.
At this point I really don't care about anything anymore. I didn't do this, yet everything is being done for my AH. I guess what will be will be.
I'm questioning why I worked my whole life to be reduced to living like this and feeling like this!
Again, I done caring about what happens!!!
Z
I did say both properties be sold, and the proceeds split. They came back with the ridiculous exchanging the land for the house. It's obvious that my AH wants the house. But he has no income so can't afford it. I don't understand why the option is even on the table that he can buy the house. My lawyer stated the court will probably give him 3months to refinance. But my lawyer states it will take about 6 months for us to get a court date.
At this point I really don't care about anything anymore. I didn't do this, yet everything is being done for my AH. I guess what will be will be.
I'm questioning why I worked my whole life to be reduced to living like this and feeling like this!
Again, I done caring about what happens!!!
Z
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 208
Don't give up what you need to move forward with. I've never heard of a circuit taking six months to give you a court date. Trial date, yes, I can get that if it's a HUGE circuit, but it shouldn't take that long. Call your attorney again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Personally I wouldnt give him 6 months to do jack s@@t!!! A lot can happen in 6 months.. He can go into foreclosure, the house could burn down, he could get into legal trouble and a lien could be put on the house... Absolutely not! Anyway, how's he going to refi if he doesn't have a salary??? No bank in their right mind would give a loan to someone who " doesn't make any money". I'm assuming the title is in both names correct? Is the mortgage also in both names?? How about the land??
STICK TO YOUR GUNS. I'd be more than happy to give you an appraisal if you are in my area. PM me and let me know where you are.
Don't back down ... This is your future!
STICK TO YOUR GUNS. I'd be more than happy to give you an appraisal if you are in my area. PM me and let me know where you are.
Don't back down ... This is your future!
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