knowthetriggers

Ya’ll – I don’t know what to be right now….I am not relieved, I am not angry, maybe confused….

So most of you saw the post from this morning regarding the shirt comment and all that good stuff.

Okay, so we are supposed to get snow this weekend, maybe – and I called him to ask him if he wanted to go get a couple of snow shovels after I was off, just to get out the house. He didn’t answer….he called back around 10:30 and tells me that he had fallen back asleep but he was going to shower and he wanted to take me to lunch. I asked if we were going before or after his meeting, he said he wasn’t going….. red flag for me…… said he would rather have lunch. I said okay let me know when you are on your way. I finally heard from him at 2:30 pm – he had gone to the bath (never said a time and I didn’t ask) to soak in Epson salt for his swollen ankles and feel asleep in the bathtub. He said the water was nice and hot and that the soak really helped relieve his stress and he dozed off. Um, dozed off, you were down right sleeping………apparently. He said he thought he called me but apparently in his “fog” it was just that – a thought ( I almost laughed out loud ).

I am seeing red flags because his last meeting was on Sunday evening, although he cannot see at night AT ALL and can barely see during the day he was still driving and doing three meetings a day. So his buddy told him on Monday to rest, take it easy, put his feet up and relax, which he did. Tuesday he did the same. Honestly those two days it was raining outside and if he can’t see in the sun he certainly can’t see in the rain! But it scares me that if he misses his meetings he could slip so MY FEAR took the driver’s seat. I did raise my voice to him and caught myself. I apologized and told him my tone was concern not anger. I asked him if he thought he was depressed, he just sounds blah really. I did say that maybe one of his friends could work it out with him, he said he would call – that is really up to him at this point. I totally ran over the double line to his side of the damn street today!

I was able to bring myself to a “normal” voice and asked him if he wanted to ride out to the store with me this evening and he said “sure, I would love to”.

I guess I am sharing this because I leave here in a few minutes and I want it off my chest. I don’t want to carry it home with me. We talked about it now I need to move on, go home and act normal. I mean what is the point of rehashing what happened hours ago.

Thanks for reading the ramble. I actually feel much better now!

KTT

AnvilheadII

hmmmm, so no lunch huh? he left you hanging most of the day because he....let me get this right....soaked in the tub and fell asleep for almost FOUR HOURS?



it's possible the bloom is off the rose. more will be revealed. not to be an alarmist, but what IS your plan B? wouldn't hurt to refresh it.

knowthetriggers

I am soooooo glad I posted this!!!! I came home feeling lighter than air. My entire attitude had changed. I opened up the blinds and the door and let the light in and just went on about my business.

He has the hiccups and needs a soda - he called out to the kids, who are not here, and I simply stated, "Um, you can grab your own soda ya know"..... The only thing I mentioned about anything was if he felt he wanted to be "sad" then to take a moment and step to the back because the goal was to keep us and our home healthy and happy.

He agreed and then went down on his knees to pray.

knowthetriggers

Plan B is to keep doing what I am doing for me and my girls. I have a financial plan in place or ready to take place. I am going to move forward with my recovery.

I won't give up moving forward

I have no idea how long he was in the tub. He could have fallen asleep in his chair then to the tub who the heck knows! I didn't ask. Thing is, drinking or not he has NEVER stood me up, never once.

LexieCat

Good, better to dump it here than unload it on him. I don't think missing a few meetings when he's feeling like crap and can't see is a huge red flag. I missed meetings on occasion when I was doing my 90/90. (If I missed a day I went to two the next day.) It isn't the number of meetings, or the day-to-day mood that's something to worry about.

I think you're examining things a little too hard. Understandable, but you will make yourself crazy (and annoy him in the process) if you keep it up for long.

When is the last meeting YOU went to? Couldn't hurt...

knowthetriggers

Well I come here daily and have a weekly meeting that I did not attend last night only because I was not sure of his state of mind and I didn't want to leave the girls here alone with him.

As usual, you are right, I am wasting way too much time worrying.