Ladybird579

So I've written elsewhere that felt like I wasn't ready for my boyfriend I've been with over a year now. I know I love him and he does me but I was kind of looking forward to him going back to Europe and my having my place to myself. I knew it was happening today so I planned to keep busy in case I was at a loose end. I even went to the railway station to see him off...big mistake. As soon as the train came in and he was getting on I had to give him a quick hug and flee before his last sight of me was crying my eyes out. I couldn't even speak I was so choked up.

I got home and started decorating my place. Moving furniture, painting, putting up new curtains, cleaning ,sorting but the overwhelming feelings I was pushing down was massive sadness and grief and a feeling of how the hell am going to get through the next 2 months when he is back again? I never saw this coming. I thought I'd be fine. I obviously am ready for him too. Also backpacking for months with him proved we have a really good relationship. Why don't I know my feelings better by now?