feel worse now they have quit.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 246
Wise advice, Lexie. Your words describe my life at the moment.
Early recovery is difficult, Sandman. There are lots of layers to work through not only for your wife (the deep rooted issues), but for you and your marriage. The further you go along in recovery, more will be revealed to both of you - good stuff and not so good stuff. Maybe, hold off making any decisions regarding your marriage until you get yourself to a place that's more grounded and centered.
My husband has been sober for 1 year. We're separated (almost 8 months ago). I separated from him in an emotional state of mind. I don't regret it at all. I needed the time to work through everything. It was shortly after he confessed he went to massage parlors 5 times in a drunken state (and other stuff led to the decision in addition to the confession). I didn't go for divorce at the time, but I thought about it. I decided to wait and give us more time to work on ourselves. This stuff is complicated. Anyway, I have noticed - the more time goes by the more I slowly understand myself, my husband and our marriage. To be honest, we're close to divorce, but I won't say it yet because I want to make sure I have done my due diligence with respect to our marriage. I think I will have more peace of mind to know I took my time and made a decision not from an emotional state (reactive), but rather from a rational one (...and from a more centered place with myself).
I hope this helps.
Early recovery is difficult, Sandman. There are lots of layers to work through not only for your wife (the deep rooted issues), but for you and your marriage. The further you go along in recovery, more will be revealed to both of you - good stuff and not so good stuff. Maybe, hold off making any decisions regarding your marriage until you get yourself to a place that's more grounded and centered.
My husband has been sober for 1 year. We're separated (almost 8 months ago). I separated from him in an emotional state of mind. I don't regret it at all. I needed the time to work through everything. It was shortly after he confessed he went to massage parlors 5 times in a drunken state (and other stuff led to the decision in addition to the confession). I didn't go for divorce at the time, but I thought about it. I decided to wait and give us more time to work on ourselves. This stuff is complicated. Anyway, I have noticed - the more time goes by the more I slowly understand myself, my husband and our marriage. To be honest, we're close to divorce, but I won't say it yet because I want to make sure I have done my due diligence with respect to our marriage. I think I will have more peace of mind to know I took my time and made a decision not from an emotional state (reactive), but rather from a rational one (...and from a more centered place with myself).
I hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
My wife has been dry for 3 years, I've been in Alanon since then then too. Early on I was hypersensitive about the possibility of her drinking again; suspicious if she got home late from work etc but that has faded along with the resentment and anger because of the program work.
What has become more clear is my boundary- if the old drinking behavior resumes then my 1st step is to be in touch with my program people and if its more than a slip then either she goes or I leave with our daughter- separation then divorce no going back, no anger no holding on to anything that keeps the conflict happening. If I have any latitude to choose I will not live with active addiction again.
On the flip side, I cannot impose my old behaviors on those around me either- so I need to be actively working my program every day.
What has become more clear is my boundary- if the old drinking behavior resumes then my 1st step is to be in touch with my program people and if its more than a slip then either she goes or I leave with our daughter- separation then divorce no going back, no anger no holding on to anything that keeps the conflict happening. If I have any latitude to choose I will not live with active addiction again.
On the flip side, I cannot impose my old behaviors on those around me either- so I need to be actively working my program every day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
And there you have it...
...you've answered your own question.
C-
C-
Originally Posted by EnterSandman 
Is the suggestion that i should go to AL-Anon meetings from now on to be able to "cope" with being in the relationship?
I dont believe it is the right relationship if you have to cope with it all the time.
I dont believe it is the right relationship if you have to cope with it all the time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
