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Thought I'd introduce myself before responding to any post. A poster from another board asked me if I wasn't unhappy in my life then why did I post and why was I there? Why do I stay? I'm in my second marriage and I think my husband is an alcoholic but as I already have an established life I am not as dependent on him as some others are. I also do not have young children to worry about. I have heard lots of people ask how they can tell if their loved ones are alcoholics and heard many answers but still do not really know about mine. I think the answer I like best is one I heard today "if the drinking interferes with a major aspect of your relationship, then that's alcoholism". I can see the cycle with mine ... right now he's in that "sorry" stage. I haven't gone to any meetings yet but intend to do so. I do enjoy reading the posts and enjoy your replies, Smoke.
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Location: That's what I'd like to know.
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Hi Ladyammons!
Welcome to the forum!
Once Pernell resonded to someone who asked if their loved one was an addict "yes, he's an addict. How do you know? Cause you had to ask."
I think that other poster was missing the point. Just because your husband's behavior doesn't disrupt your daily life doesn't mean you aren't unhappy with some aspects, right? I mean, he's trashing his health, and it is well known that alcoholism can be a progressive disease. By all means get to an alanon meeting if you can and learn as much as you are able. If you weren't dissatisfied, you wouldn't be posting.
Please keep us up to date.
Smoke
Welcome to the forum!
Once Pernell resonded to someone who asked if their loved one was an addict "yes, he's an addict. How do you know? Cause you had to ask."
I think that other poster was missing the point. Just because your husband's behavior doesn't disrupt your daily life doesn't mean you aren't unhappy with some aspects, right? I mean, he's trashing his health, and it is well known that alcoholism can be a progressive disease. By all means get to an alanon meeting if you can and learn as much as you are able. If you weren't dissatisfied, you wouldn't be posting.
Please keep us up to date.
Smoke
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Thanks for the welcome. He is trashing his health ... and it's sad because I don't think we will be growing old together. I'm 52 and he's 49 and I'm probably in better shape than him (and that's not saying much LOL). Anyways, how do you handle acting day to day. I mean, I detach when he's been drinking & I think he's had one tonight cuz he's gotten too upset over a little thing. But on the days when he's fine, do you act like nothing is going on and everything's fine? Just wondering.
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Well, detaching doesn't mean not discussing the problem. When he's sober and pleasant would be the time to tell him how much you like him THAT WAY. It is fair and right for him to know how you feel and what your fears are. Then, get on with your pleasant times.
Smoke
Smoke
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Welcome Ladyammons,
I know and understand what your going trough,but I'll tell you from 13 years of living with an alcoholic, drug user that you can't just sit back and act like notings wrong. I have done that for 13 years and all it has done is make things worse. He knows now that after he's had his fun drinking , partying,and laughing about my stupid a@@ at home waiting and worring about him making it home alive,that I'll fuss a little then every thing will be back to normal.In other words he knows what to expect after done his thing. I can't blame anyone for that but me. I have trained him that way by not putting my foot down many,many years ago.
Like the old saying goes wish I knew then what I know Now. I would'nt be so worried about starting over this late in life with three children. Well enough of that. I just didn't want you to make the same mistake I made.I ignored it because I thought eventually he would grow up ,wrongggggggg. Good Luck
I know and understand what your going trough,but I'll tell you from 13 years of living with an alcoholic, drug user that you can't just sit back and act like notings wrong. I have done that for 13 years and all it has done is make things worse. He knows now that after he's had his fun drinking , partying,and laughing about my stupid a@@ at home waiting and worring about him making it home alive,that I'll fuss a little then every thing will be back to normal.In other words he knows what to expect after done his thing. I can't blame anyone for that but me. I have trained him that way by not putting my foot down many,many years ago.
Like the old saying goes wish I knew then what I know Now. I would'nt be so worried about starting over this late in life with three children. Well enough of that. I just didn't want you to make the same mistake I made.I ignored it because I thought eventually he would grow up ,wrongggggggg. Good Luck
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Thanks for the welcome, Desperate. Mine's 48 so I know he won't "grow up". Still can't figure out (as no one else can either) how they can claim to love us soooo much and then do what they are doing to the relationship or go thru so much physical pain because of what they're putting into their system. Oh well. I don't ignore it ... I just tend to shut down emotionally over these things. I have finally admitted to the 3 C's and that's helped me alot as has the Serenity Prayer. What it's coming to is us leading separate lives and I don't care anymore. I've been alone for 3 years after my first husband passed so I am quite capable of doing it on my own. My kids at home are 18 and 15 so I don't have to really worry about them. If anyone leaves, it will be him and I haven't gotten to that point yet. If he ever comes home staggering drunk again, that may be the day. Took yesterday & am taking today for me ... I know I have to because of my high blood pressure. I can be cold when I'm pushed to that point. My oldest daughter can vouch for that. I depend on my HP for getting me through each day. Right now we're talking only when it's necessary. I look forward to reading the posts and everyone's shares and experiences help immensely. Again, thanks.
Maryalice
Maryalice
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Hi ladyammons,
It is me again from Ma. My ex has been sober for about 20 yrs but unfortunately we are divorced. We have been friends for all of these years and brought our children up together but in different homes. He went to a rehab in N.H. and it turned him around. I once asked him why or what happened at that place that made him do it and he said he really didn't know. He also said as part of our conversation that when things were going good is when he would drink, that when things were hairy or stressful, or whatever, is when he had no desire to drink.
Go figure. Nice talking to you.
It is me again from Ma. My ex has been sober for about 20 yrs but unfortunately we are divorced. We have been friends for all of these years and brought our children up together but in different homes. He went to a rehab in N.H. and it turned him around. I once asked him why or what happened at that place that made him do it and he said he really didn't know. He also said as part of our conversation that when things were going good is when he would drink, that when things were hairy or stressful, or whatever, is when he had no desire to drink.
Go figure. Nice talking to you.
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