Finding Forgiveness

Old 12-31-2016, 06:27 AM
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Finding Forgiveness

This is where I'm stuck. I want so much to let go of the anger and resentment but I don't know how. I do not want to drag this with me into a new year. I want peace. I'm not sure where to start. How do you forgive someone who took advantage of your goodness? How do you forgive yourself for allowing it??? I know things take time but this is now over a year. I want to move forward. What advice can you give me?
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Old 12-31-2016, 06:42 AM
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Not much advice to offer here as I struggle with forgiveness at times.

Just remember forgiveness is mostly benefiting yourself. At times when I am overwhelmed with single parenting demands, bills, work, I feel mad at XAH who lives rent free at his brothers, does not have any childcare demands, and works very flexible schedule. What helps me is to think that I would not want to trade places with him. Right now I am in a stage where he does not stir much emotion in me - I no longer feel all broken up about what he has done, I try to not think of him, stay busy. I don't think I will ever have any warm feelings towards him - right now it feels like he is a stranger. I less contact I have with him the better I do.

Hang in there - and there is no forgiveness timeframe.
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Old 12-31-2016, 06:56 AM
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The only way I was able to let go of the resentment and anger towards those who hurt me was to focus on forgiving myself. When I knew better, I did better, and that is the best any of us can do.
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Old 12-31-2016, 07:04 AM
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first way I forgive myself is by accepting I allowed the behavior.
I then I accepted I, as well as the other person, am/was sick,too.
then looked at why I allowed the behavior to happen.
then changed my actions.

If you have resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate, understanding and love
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Old 12-31-2016, 07:19 AM
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tomsteve's recommendation is one that has worked for me. Even if you don't believe in God, or in prayer as something that "works" (in the sense that someone/something is listening and might grant what you pray for), the prayer does something to YOU.

Alcoholics suffer a LOT. They work very hard at hiding their real pain--even from themselves, though they often talk about ways in which you've "hurt" them.

Suppose he's having a miserable life--does that do anything to improve your life? Does his pain take away yours? It doesn't work that way. Happiness isn't a zero-sum game.

Asking for him to have peace and happiness has a way of lessening the power the past has over YOU. It's truly letting go of what happened. It's done, it can't be changed. It does NOTHING helpful for you to carry around the resentments, which are like an anchor around your neck. Feeling anger and hate drain us. They suck up our energy and our life.

Give it a try--costs you nothing and might provide surprising results.
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Old 12-31-2016, 07:37 AM
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When one focuses on the anger and resentment they don't focus on the positives. There could always be somethimg to trigger the unhappiness. No one is perfect. There may be items that one is grateful for. Look at those items. Try not to focus on the past and stay in the present. Spend some time laughing and having fun. Small gestures can go a long way.
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Old 12-31-2016, 07:42 AM
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This is working for me:
I think to myself:
May he be happy.
May he be healthy.
May he be peaceful.

And I say it for myself as well and anyone I dislike as soon as I realize that feeling.
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Old 12-31-2016, 11:42 AM
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I heard a speaker some time back who referred to anger and resentment as "a box of rocks" that she had carried around for a long time, and it was time for her to drop the box. That visualization has stayed with me. Can't you just see every resentment as a rock, and the box getting fuller and fuller? Letting go of resentment is hard for me, and I can't really claim that I can do it in an active way. It seems like time is something that helps. As time passes, the resentments often just fade. Also, being happy in my own life, my own skin. That helps too.
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Old 12-31-2016, 02:49 PM
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I found it was easier for me to let go of the resentment and anger when I let go of the entire situation with my alcoholic mom and just focused on myself. When I was still trying to control outcomes, trying to control what people (including my mom) thought of me and my decisions, hanging on to what "should be", I could not even pretend forgiveness. Now my prayer every day is for my HP to lead me and to keep the focus on me and my actions, etc. I feel so much freer and peaceful than I have in a long time.
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Old 12-31-2016, 04:05 PM
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i think it's like going camping for a week "off the grid" - no plumbing, no electricity. and while you are there, you don't really mind that each day you get grubbier and grubbier, and everything you wear has fish scales and fire soot and god knows what else. and something has made a nest in your hair.

it's all "ok".............until you are no longer out there at the campsite, off the grid. and then suddenly all you want is a hot shower and to burn all the clothing you took with you. you want the accumulated ook OFF you.

you don't HATE the experience, you actually have a few good memories, but you no longer want to WEAR IT. you want to cleanse and feel renewed.

forgiveness means we finally allow our past to BE our past.
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