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Pernell- PRAYER thoughts

Old 12-26-2001, 08:00 AM
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Post Pernell- PRAYER thoughts

I've been thinking about what you said about Prayer. For me, the post said "go to step 4, go directly to step 4. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200." My prayer is selfish. At first I prayed for HP to fix Dino... but that was for me. "Fix him so he doesn't drive me crazy". Then I prayed for me "Fix me so Dino doesn't drive me crazy." I know the second is closer to what I needed to be doing. But I know that in spite of the fact that sometimes he just looks like an unrepentant jerk... Dino hurts too. He is confused and guilty and longing for something he doesn't know how to get. I'm trying to remember that. And I'm trying to get my head into a place where... when I DO pray for Dino, it's for him... and not for something that will make ME feel better. C.S. Lewis said something like "Prayer doesn't change God, it changes me." Now I'm praying for help to remember that in Dino, there is a person who "feels", not just "does"... and that his disease is not about me.

It still sometimes feels like I'm playing "pin the tail on the donkey" in a foolproof blindfold. But, thanks for the spin in the right direction.

Smoke

[This message has been edited by smoke gets in my eyes (edited December 26, 2001).]
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Old 12-26-2001, 08:41 AM
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Smoke, I understand your dilemna. It has been my experience, since being in the recovery process that I like everyone else function off of self-will. That is the problem. You see that is not God's Will for me. I pray to know his will for me and then be quiet and be still "peace be still," so that I can hear the answer, whether it takes the form of action or the still small voice, directing my actions and behavior. It is not just me, Most recovering people I talk to have basically experienced the same response to prayer in the proper mode. I can say without a doubt that I have witnessed miracles in my life without my will or efforts involved. It is amazing, if you can let go and let God, do what he does best, "Take Charge Of Your Life and do His Will." To tell the truth, there are no words that can describe what I am trying to say. When you experience this "peace that passeth all understanding" We can nod to each other in understanding that which has no words.

Just for Today-------I am Sober
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Old 01-12-2002, 11:47 AM
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Please Untie the Nots

Dear God:
Please untie the nots that are invading my mind, my heart and my life.
Please remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that invade my mind.
Please erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that invade my heart.

Please release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that invade my life.
Most of all, dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back.
Please erase from my mind the thought that i am not good enough
Please remove from my heart that I am not loved enough.
Please untie from my life everything that I clutch that supports the belief that I am not enough.

Today, dear God, I come to you humbly and reverently asking that you untie, eliminate and erase all of the nots that have invaded every aspect of my life.
For your mercy and your grace I am so grateful.
Let these words take on the presence of the Holy Spirit to become living conditions in my life.
And So It Is!!!
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Old 01-14-2002, 08:01 AM
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wow...

that took my breath away pernell!!
thank you so much for sharing that

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Old 11-03-2002, 01:34 PM
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More from the "best of Pernell" series.
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Old 11-04-2002, 05:57 AM
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What a wonderful prayer. Pernell, could you come here more often and share more great stuff with us?

So wise, yet so simple. My prayers get tangled in nots too, and I just love this one.

Thank you.
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Old 11-04-2002, 07:26 AM
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Wow - I wasn't here the first time for this, thanks for bringing it to the top.

This is a keeper for me to say everyday!!!!
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Old 11-04-2002, 08:43 AM
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pernell,
thanks for removing all the things that stand between me and the grace of god!! this prayer is truly an awakening. i know god waits in the doorway for me, i can feel his presence. maybe i can let go of my anger with him that i've justified to myself. all those tears and years of bitterness and blame i had.your prayer is so full of things that can't stay hidden anymore. you have provoked an idea in my head that may help me attain grace.
as i reflect back in my life i will share with you all my childhood. i was brought up by 2 upstanding presbytarian new englanders. generations of dysfunction(alchohol, addiction, physical, emotional,abuse. very quiet, proper, dignified, community-minded, upstanding citizens. we attended a very old church in the city. the parishioners were elderly, transient(college students) and a few core highly sucessful white-collar professionals that supported the financial burdens of the church. my parents were the top contributers of the church. they were very immeshed in all of the comitees and functions of the church. my dad was an elder, a deacon and advisor of the church.he was also the lead baritone soloist in the church choir. he was an accomplished pianist and also involved himself and my mom in many musicals and community based operas. the church and his military high security job in engineering (building war -planes((f111) were his main focus. we were the cleaver family in the pews. we were all there for every function at the church. my much older brother and myself. we were the norman rockwell children. my mom was the most beautiful woman in the church always dressed to the t with her seams on her nylons perfect and her homemade treats perfectly displayed for the congregations. i spent hours playing in the church and years of attendance at every possible function there was. i worked pancake breakfasts and clothing drives and church bazaars, i have very few childhood memories, because of sexual abuse i assume, but most of my clear memories involve being at church. i wonder when i stopped trusting god. i wonder if i ever did. i was sexually abused by my older brother every thus. night whike my parents were at choir practice. he was my trusted sitter. i think about the age of 3 or 4 it started and went on till 11 or 12. i can remember singing "jesus loves me, this i know" in the church nursery and thinking to myself that i must be the bad girl that he didn't love. i guess the place i'm going is that i never found myself worthy of god's grace andd he was there all the time. now when i go into a church all i do is sit there while tears leak down my face. i guess it's all about trust that i want to contemplate. i may post a new thread about trust, and i know that pernells prayer touched me deeply and is helping me to recover. this is a real ramble and i hope i haven't offened anyone talking about church and sexual abuse, but i need to heal and trust god again, because i haven't done too well with my own will and i'm tired. hugs from sugar
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Old 11-04-2002, 08:58 AM
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(((Sugar)))

I have no words, just hugs!!! Don't worry about offending anyone, we are all friends and here to support each other - you are not alone.
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