I hung up on the drama queen today, don't think I will be picking up that phone
 

I think everyone here knows that I do know my daughter needs a lot of psych help. I've been trying to keep things together mostly for my mom.

I lost it today. I was very calm, thank you SR for that, but just couldn't deal with things anymore.

My sister had Christmas at her house on Dec 26th. My daughter showed up to show off her engagement ring and her boyfriend. For those who don't know the story, my daughter is still married, and only filed for divorce in Oct.

Then she announced they would be married Oct 17, 2017. I don't think she will be divorced by then. So, she had an answer for that also, she would hold the reception before the marriage. I won't even get into that she wants the reception in Maryland, when she, and most of the relatives live in NJ. Everyone is just expected to rent a house for the weekend.

OK, so I am dealing with this, my son and other daughter is asking me to keep my cool, because so far the only person she is listening to is "me".

So, I get the phone call today. Hysterical crying. Her stbx took her children to my nephews house for Christmas, did I know about that???
How could they dare invite him over there???? Christmas is her holiday !!!!!!Telling me that I should call them and find out why they are doing this to her !!!!!

I told her that there's a chance they didn't invite him that perhaps he called and asked if he could bring the kids over.

Then I told her, when you are going through a divorce sometimes you lose some of the holidays. I told her that I lost Christmas Eve, it was always my family's day. Christmas Day was when you visited your partners family. I told her that I lost that day in my divorce. (Actually my daughter has Christmas Eve and always invites her dad, not me, then they also do a Christmas with his side of the family).

Well she was starting to touch raw nerves with me. I was still calm, and then brought up birthday parties that she might not be able to go to. (Just like all the parties I was never invited to, or I could come over the night before, help her cook and clean and then leave before my ex got there).

She told me that she couldn't have me there because I threatened to cut my ex's head off, leave it on the doorstep, ring the bell, when her children answered the door, I was going to say Happy Birthday.

I told her she was delusional, and I never said that, and I hung up the phone. I'm not picking it up again.

amy

The only way to win is not to play.

Keep in touch with her kids if you can? They may need a port in that storm, cause this is all kinds of messed up. Oh and you're skipping that insanely inappropriate bigamy "reception," right?

Yowza.

I can always keep in touch with the kids, but it will have to be through her stbx, and that's ok right now.

I tried as hard as I could to talk reason to her, but I don't take those kind of attacks on me very well. (lol) She also attacked her sister while she was talking to me. I didn't deal well with that either.

The make believe wedding, I'm not attending that, but I'll give her a make believe gift.

amy

"She told me that she couldn't have me there because I threatened to cut my ex's head off, leave it on the doorstep, ring the bell, when her children answered the door, I was going to say Happy Birthday."

Holy wackdoodle, Amy! I'm sorry to hear that you had to live through *that* conversation! Yes, I think not answering the phone for a while would be called for in this situation, and I'm just so sorry for the pain that this must cause and has caused you over the years with this particular daughter.

LOL Amy...good to see you're keeping you're humor today. ;-)

You're obviously a strong and courageous woman, Amy. Keep your chin up. You're right in wanting to stay away from the chaos. I would, too.

Everyone always warns us when we become parents how hard the twos and threes will be.... no one EVER tells us how hard it is to be a parent to adults.

Toddlers were so much easier......

Big hugs for you Amy

I'm actually doing really good. I know many here suggested I go "no contact" with this one a real long time ago. I couldn't till after the baby shower that we hosted for my son and daughter-in-law. Even after she walked out of the baby shower crying hysterically because her sister asked her to quiet down, and then I told her that it wasn't her day, it was a day that we are celebrating the parents to be, her reply to that was that I'm the only person who is being supportive to her during her divorce. (eye roll here) I thought it was the end that day, but it wasn't......

I text my son right after I hung up on her. Just said "I'm sorry, I just hung up on your sister". She was on the phone calling him right after I hung up. At least I gave him the "heads up" on the incoming phone call. (lol)

I had a long conversation with my son last night also. He thanked me for putting up with her for so long, and he asked me how I was being supportive to her, because he needed to know how to be supportive without falling for her BS. So, I told him. I told him that when she calls and she is irrational, try to break into the conversation asap, and ask if any thing was decided by a judge yet, if not to remind her that she cannot control another person, you need a judges decision. Just keep quoting the law, and tell her you are telling her this because you are supportive to her, you just don't want her to be blindsided. The rest of the stuff with the he said, she said, well the judge doesn't want to hear that stuff. Tell her that when she does go to court, she can't get "crazy" with the hysterical crying.

Well, anyway, my son apologized to me for the period of time he wouldn't talk to be after this daughter had filed an RO against me, during my divorce. (I told him that wasn't necessary), he told me that he can now see clearly how she was manipulating things, and that she was ostracising me from the family. He told me that he thinks his sister actually believes all of the lies that she has told about me.

So anyway, my son and I are really "tight" right now, we have been a lot closer since his wedding, but things are even better right now.

My youngest daughter, well, she stayed over at my sister house on the 26th with me, and we are also getting closer. She was a terrific help to me in reconstructing the baby shower and getting invites out, that never went out.

So right now, I'm really good, no more crazy phone calls, and repairing the bonds with my 2 younger children.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Merry Christmas, and Happy New Years
amy

Holy!!!!
Reminds me of conversations I've had with my XAH and his family. They took drama to a whole new level.

And, I'm glad that things are getting better for you with your younger children, as well. Hope this is a positive change for your new year! HUGS!

One of the things I learned to stop doing when dealing with my academy aware winning drama queen niece was to stop reacting to "her words" and plan for actually action she might take.

I was the receiver of crazy talk phone calls and for a long time I reacted to each and everyone of them with distress, anxiety and worry and trying to talk her down from what ever crazy situation she was rambling on about. Then I became just a listener with responses like - oh that's interesting, oh you don't say, if that's what you want, I don't have a thought on that right now, etc. etc. The drama became less and less. I also learned that I did not have to answer every single phone call from her either. And when I did I kept it very short. I went no contact for a long time and she attempted to go around that via other people who would then contact me. I also had to go no contact with some of them as well. I asked them to respect me and my decision of not being involved with her at the time. The healthy ones understood and respected that, the ill thinking ones did not.