Codie behavior can be fatal
 

I took to a last minute road trip last week with some colleagues of mine to travel about 5 hours to visit our home office. The man who drove and happens to also be my superior, was IMO, irresponsible and spent every few minutes on his phone doing everything from reading to texting to emailing as we trudged along on a high speed roadway. I sat in the back and could feel the car tug each time he looked down and back up again to where he was. We rode alongside massive trucks and well into nightfall.

From the start I found myself extremely uncomfortable and made several comments to him to please look at the road. Thankfully we managed to survive, but I realized afterward that I regretted not being more forceful in asking him to please respect the other lives in the vehicle (myself and a much less anxious man who sat next to him). I started to think about how my lack of boundaries allowed this person to potentially cause a fatal impact to my life simply because I felt powerless to speak up in any real or effective way.

On the way home I insisted I would drive and did so for a few peaceful hours. Since it was his vehicle he decided to drive the rest and I just held on. But how strange it was to see myself risk my own life because of how loose I kept my boundaries. That so many times in life I just "hang on" for the ride instead of saying THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. I have made the decision that I will never drive with this colleague again, but I can't help but feel a bit of shame that I allowed it. There wasn't an incredible amount I could do as I didn't know his habits when I got into the car, and we had already planned the drive, but I still felt I was in a very familiar space of allowing unacceptable and downright dangerous behavior to occur.

What do you feel would have been the right action here?

I have a car pool co worker that does the same thing.

My brother in law does it as well.

It is totally irresponsible.

I have given them a look, but I have not said anything.

I didn't have the guts to say anything to either of them.

They know what they are doing, they probably know that it makes everyone feel scared as well.

In my mind I think, if they crash, and I survive, I will have to sue the living hell out of them.

But, I could not tell them that. That would end the relationship.

This is a thing. Cannot tell you how many friends and acquaintances have mentioned it. Driving with someone who is distracted is, as you have noted, dangerous. I think you handled it well. I guess, in future, should this arise again, that I would firmly but neutrally make my boundaries about phones out while driving clear. I bet that if you are with other co-workers they will be relieved that you said it and back you up. Offer to drive if that is what it takes. Myself, I never talk or text on the cell while driving. Just don't trust that I can manage it. I don't use hands free either. But..it's easy for me to control me. Others are a different story. Peace.

I identify with this so much. I tend to never speak up either and just hang on for the ride hoping and praying it will all turn out fine. I don't have any advice to give you except to say you are not alone. I am proud that you did speak up and offer to drive. You recognize when your boundaries are being tested and you resolve to never let yourself get in that situation again. That in itself shows progress! You are healthier than you think.

What do you feel would have been the right action here?

to speak up....i get this was a superior, but the other's position never negates our right to safety.

"excuse me, but if you are going to continue to text and stuff while driving, i need to ask you to pull over and let me out now"

Smarie,
How are you doing??

Somebody I know died because a texting driver drove into her making a left turn.

You're not only protecting yourself, but others on the road.

It's a scary thing to confront somebody, but it is the right thing to do.

Bump.




Smarie, thanks for posting this.

As we heal, it creates a powerful HEALTHY voice that no longer can be quieted. ((((Hugs))))

I was in similar position, luckily it was a short journey.

At the end I got out of the car safely, thanked God, made a note to myself never to ride with them again and haven't.

To confront them would have caused an awful lot of problems so I decided not to. I can change myself not others. So I changed what I could.

It is horrible, is not just drinkers, of course. So many people now drive whilst texting. Scary.

What do you feel would have been the right action here?

Probably ask him to pull over to text or stop but I appreciate it's hard when it is a boss and you probably felt intimated. It's illegal to be on a phone while driving where I live. I have issues with car drivers and bikers myself. I have only 3 people I will get in a car with and only one I'd ride on a bike with. People get offended but if they are dangerous drivers I won't travel with them. End of.

Probably different as I wasn’t in the car with a superior; however I have asked friends to either put down their phone or let me out. None of them were happy with me but I much prefer life to what could’ve happened!

You're very welcome Mango. I tell that story often. In fact I told it just last week as I drove myself and a couple of colleagues to a meeting with me. We stopped to get gas and in this brutal Midwest winter, I sometimes fail to turn off my engine while pumping as I don't want to turn off the heat. When I got back into the vehicle my colleague said "you don't turn your engine off to pump gas??". She said she always heard you could have an explosion that way. She's a friend so was more ribbing me, but I quickly apologized and told her I would never do that again when she was in the car with me. She seemed surprised to hear me say that as though it was no big deal, but I immediately recalled the incident in the car with my superior and told her the story.

The whole point though is that you're right. As I began my healing journey even before the addict left, I often had trouble quieting the voice that wanted so badly to stand up for me. Even when I wanted to be a "good girl" there came many times when it would sneak right up.