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Old 12-27-2016, 03:46 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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My cousin is an extreme introvert but a lovely person and I found myself oversharing with her recently and she looked shocked. She just got her Masters in counseling but even she was like, "Ummm, yeah, that might have been too much...."
Ditto with my brother. It took ten years to establish a terrific relationship with my brother because of expectations and not recognizing his boundaries. When I did, the whole dynamic changed on its own, suddenly he was calling me to get together and became the loving person I always wanted. But it's loving in HIS terms, not mine. By my own thinking he'd share his deepest darkest secrets with me if he cares about me. But that's not who he is! And many people are that way as well. I really appreciated the Christmas this year when conversation was kept light and cheerful.
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Old 12-28-2016, 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
I agree that it can be hard to distinguish reasonable sharing if as a Codie in recovery we are overcoming things like secret-keeping, the inability to lean on others, etc. Definitely all about finding the balance between the 2 points of over & under sharing.

One of the often overlooked root issues with oversharing can be that it's a seemingly counterintuitive way of decreasing vulnerability. Seems wrong, right? That by oversharing you would be INCREASING your vulnerability, right? Sometimes not. Sometimes that's a method of word-vomiting all over someone in a way that makes them keep their distance the same way they would if you had literally walked up to them & physically vomited all over them. By throwing out allll of your secrets & vulnerabilities you actually overwhelm others in a way that's subtly manipulative. Brene Brown calls it "floodlighting".
Excellent points! Thank you for sharing. See, I always thought I was increasing connection and being more open and vulnerable, but I often don't leave much to the imagination.

Love learning more about why I am the way I am and how I hope to improve in the future. Love Brene Brown, as well!
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Old 12-28-2016, 01:33 PM
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On this subject.....I think that it is ;very important to, first......Know Thy Audience!
this leaves it to us, first, to make a judgement before speaking......
"Read" the other person/persons.....
And, if you can't read them, or you haven't had enough opportunity to get to know them....always err on the side of caution.....lol!

I think of it like...If you were the comedian who is asked to entertain at the Annual Press Dinner at the White House.....you would not tell the same jokes as you would at a private club, like Second City......
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Old 12-28-2016, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by velma929 View Post
No facebook friending! I have been known to accept friendships after one of us leaves the workplace.
Nope!! Most of my co-workers are not even on facebook and the ones that have left I will email once in a blue moon but that's about it.
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