Blogs


Notices

Recovery and forgiveness

Old 12-21-2016, 10:02 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 3
Recovery and forgiveness

My husband does not want to accept a Christmas gift from my 26 year old son because he stole some dvds from him a few years ago while heavily drinking. My son is finally starting his road to recovery and is just starting to put his life together. It seems crazy to me not to accept a gift for Christmas just because my son has not repaid my husband for stealing from him.
Activelearner is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Activelearner For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (12-22-2016), honeypig (12-22-2016)
Old 12-21-2016, 10:48 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 194,460
Blog Entries: 1
Hi activelearner - welcome

you've posted in our chat admin forum

I'm going to move you to our Family and Friends forum for more response

I think it's nice your son is trying to reestablish a relationship...but as the alcoholic in my story, I also know that people have their own timetables when it comes to forgiveness and trust.

You can't force reconcilliation.

It took several years for some people to accept I'd genuinely changed...and some never did accept it. There's not much I can do about that.

Maybe the best thing to do is give your husband space and let him work out things in his own mind?

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Activelearner (12-22-2016), biminiblue (12-22-2016), honeypig (12-22-2016), knowthetriggers (12-22-2016)
Old 12-22-2016, 02:20 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 93
One thing I've learned is people feel how they feel and there isn't a darn thing you can do to change that as you can't control it. The biggest thing your son can do is continue to show he is sorry by remaining in recovery for himself and no one else. Maybe someday other folks will jump on board and recognize the changes or maybe they won't but he will be better for himself and for everyone around him. What he can't do is push it. Just accept it for what it is and understand that it takes time for people to trust again, if they ever can again. True forgiveness is a beautiful thing but it is really hard and varies from person to person. Some people can draw a line in the sand and out their ego aside and move forward right away. For others it takes a lot longer. What I doknow is this...if your son stays in recovery, his life will continue to get better and better.
TobeC is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TobeC For This Useful Post:
Activelearner (12-22-2016), Bekindalways (12-22-2016)
Old 12-22-2016, 02:45 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your son's relationship with his stepdad is between the two of them. It's never someone's "job" or "duty" to forgive someone else, no matter how sorry they are. Maybe their relationship will never heal. Again, that's their business. By staying out of it, you allow them both the dignity to navigate their own relationships with others, rather than attempting to force something for your sake.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
Activelearner (12-22-2016), Bekindalways (12-22-2016), honeypig (12-22-2016), qtpi (12-22-2016), TobeC (12-22-2016)
Old 12-22-2016, 08:00 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 3
All of your words have been very helpful for me. Thanks so much for putting things in perspective.
Activelearner is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Activelearner For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (12-22-2016), honeypig (12-22-2016), qtpi (12-22-2016)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:37 PM.