BitingTheBullet

Sorry Double Dragons. I call it projection. They blame us for everything they do. All I hear is "It's all your fault". Like I force my AH to drink.... OR.....He texts me every three minutes for hours then asks me to stop poking him. To leave him in peace. Coming here for support is the best thing you can do. I always feel validated here.

Dee74

You are not wrong now DD and you weren;t wrong the last time she said something like this.

She's an active alcoholic. She says a lot of things. Doesn''t make 'em true

D

Seren

Pretty much what they said ^^^^^^

I hope you and yours enjoy a peaceful, quiet, harassment-free Christmas!!

FeelingGreat

Good old A's, blaming everyone but themselves. At least she's showing you that your blocking her is having an effect on her life. Who knows? Perhaps in time the price of drinking will become too high?

SoloMio

My son recently set the same boundary with AH and reinforced it with a long email.

AH's first reaction was "he's right" but then when he was drunk, of course, all the slings and arrows came out toward my son and his "*?*!$# wife." (She definitely got her share of the blame, unjustly of course--"This isn't YOU talking, this is M...!"). Par for the course; please don't let it get to you.

As the wife who also suffers by his boundaries by not getting to see DS and DGS as much, I still applaud him for setting them. I told him I wished I were as courageous as he has been.

Same goes for you. Her crazy texts are just drunk-talk. Underneath, when she's sober, I bet she thinks differently, and if she doesn't, it doesn't mean you are wrong.

biminiblue

Thinking of you, DD.

Is your stocking hung by the chimney with care? I won't be doing gifts this year, but pretend I put an orange, some chocolate covered cherries, a new toothbrush, and a little stuffed bear holding a candy cane in your stocking. Oooh, and some rolled up festive Christmasy warm fuzzy socks! And some tea!

Big hugs to you tonight.

Personally I'll be happy when it's Monday.

Freedom1990

What I learned from being raised in a dysfunctional family is that I was going to have to parent myself. There is that scared timid little girl inside that needs to be recognized. I didn't get a lot of what I needed from either parent.

My dad used to intimidate me, and I struggled with feeling like I was 5 years old again. I stopped to feel those feelings, to walk through them, and comfort that little girl. It does get easier with time to keep those boundaries in place.

More than once I had to go no contact with my folks, and I don't regret any of those times.

You are doing what is right for the health of you and your family. You did good! Now do something nice for yourself like a candlelight bubble bath, watch a favorite movie, etc.

DoubleDragons

Thank you for keeping this thread alive and all of the support, everybody! I did send them Christmas presents and they sent them all back to me. Clearly, they believe that I am the "bad guy" in all of this. It hurts but I still feel a Christmas peace like I haven't felt in a long time. One day at a time . . .

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to my wonderful SR friends and gurus!

biminiblue

They aren't in their right mind, DD.

Prayers for a burning bush or a flash of insight or whatever it will take for healing to happen.

In the meantime, Happy Christmas Eve.

lizatola

This!!!

I hope you find peace and serenity during these next few hours, because that's really all that Christmas is......a few hours of time that happen once a year. There is so much more to our years and our lives than just these few short days. HUGS to you and yours!

biminiblue

Merry Christmas, DD.

Have a cookie for me. Cheers.

DoubleDragons

Thanks, Bimini. Merry Christmas to you! It has been a very relaxed, low key Christmas. I have had my emotional moments, but nothing nearly as bad as I expected.

teatreeoil007

Double Dragons:

I hope you are having a good Christmas despite what else might be going on....

It's hard to take a stand for what is right sometimes and it can feel risky and scary....the thought of alienating family...but it's likely it was/is THEIR behavior which has pushed you to set the boundaries with them you have needed to set. I empathize with you and you have my support.

I cannot be around my drinking siblings much anymore; stemming from a traumatic incident that occurred 6 years ago; the lack of remorse for their part in it and unwillingness to see how destructive it was and how it was WILLFULLY done (on purpose)...they set out to do something with a specific goal in mind and they did that with an awful outcome that almost ended my niece's life. Honestly, I feel I am still healing from that.

In the meantime, they still drink and make fun of me for taking a stand. It will be okay. Remember where your power and joy are.

Hawkeye13

I think you absolutely have done the right thing DD

Return the gifts and treat yourself to a spa day with the money.
You've more than earned it putting up with the dysfunction for so many years.

Refiner

Just a question on this... do you think sending them presents was also sending them mixed messages? I do know that with my A NPD sister when I started NC it wasn't majorly abrupt and sort of dwindled until it was 100% solid NC as it is today. Perhaps that's what you needed from them... permission to now go 100% NC? I know how much more peaceful my life has become since making that decision!
Merry Christmas DD!

DoubleDragons

Thanks, Refiner. I actually felt exactly the same way, total relief that now I can go completely NC. Things were complicated because my other children had accepted birthday money from them earlier prior to NC this year and my one child had a December birthday, so now everything feels like a clean slate. I wish it hadn't come to this, but I can't imagine going back to the way it was still being involved in all of the terrible dysfunction.

Mango blast

Bump!

Thanks and prayers of abundant goodness for all here.

I'm so glad to have come across this old thread tonight. So much wonderful support and outlooks here that are helping me greatly. (((Hugs)))