Fell in love with an alcoholic

Old 12-21-2016, 12:11 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thank you all! I wish I could say I did it, but (as you probably know and experienced) is not that easy. Today I had a long conversation on phone with him, talked about my feelings (anxiety, etc), I just couldn't do the actual break-up (we're seeing each other soon anyways, it'll be even harder in person, but I feel like I need that), but I said most of the things I wanted (that I don't want to be planning future, that I need time apart, that I feel like I'm too invested in his recovery). His response was suprisingly good, we set some boundaries (not planning future, texting less, etc) until we see each other, and then we'll talk more. I know it's not perfect, it would be best to end everything as soon as possible, but I'll be seeing him after the couple of weeks anyways (tickets are bought, he has plans to visit friends in my city and he's staying in my place, so meeting is unavoidable) and I thunk it would be hard for me not to "get back" with him, so for now I'm trying distancing myself a bit, and then make it the last meeting, say that it's healthiest for both of us if he goes through his recovery alone.
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Old 12-21-2016, 12:38 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I don't know how great an idea it is for him to be staying with you. Can't he stay with his friends?
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Old 12-21-2016, 12:39 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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My 2 cents - it's harder to deliver the news in person. Been there done that. If you go the phone route - I honestly find it helpful to have my talking points with me when I'm on the phone and give myself a pep-talk before conversing (seriously!).

You do what is right for you, but again my vote would be to do it sooner rather than later. And it could be easier on the phone. Less time for manipulation and you can enjoy your holidays and new year that much sooner
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Old 12-21-2016, 12:50 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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LexieCat, if I could avoid it, I would, those friends are free only for couple of days and I know it isn't possible (I asked them already). I wish I wouldn't have to do this in person, but in a way I think I'll feel less guilty (had other relationship with not alcoholic bf, ended it by a phone call and years after still feel bad about it). I already told him that after this meeting I want time and space apart, because I need time for me and he needs time for his recovery.
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Old 12-21-2016, 12:55 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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this is so sad.... but so true... " he is just progressing in his disease, like they all do. " my hubby is at our family Doctor today to scream why can't I have what I need.. I see him slowly slipping away.. Dear Hearts of this Thread. I pray for us all every night .. and listen to him breath.. for his breath with stop and pause to long.. and his memory is getting funny in how and why he remembers something... what they have done to themselves can not be undone... just have us watch as they melt away... love to you all and prayers for a Merry Christmas... ardy
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Old 12-22-2016, 05:16 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I'm so confused because it's quite early stage in our relationship (though he's been very open and honest with me,also he's not only talking about recovery,he is actively searching for help, going to doctors and therapists), but I don't know how should I behave and how I could be the most supportive? I understand that a relationship (especially quite new one) is probably not something that he needs right now, and I'm prepared to be more of a friend than a lover, but ho can I offer my help and at the same time not be in a way of his recovery?
I will appreciate all your help and thoughts![

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That's sweet.... He's been open and honest and TRYING to get himself help. You do realize that if he was seriously looking to get well he'd be in a rehab facility right? My exabf was so open and honest at the end also. Little did I know he was going to doctors so he could have his Xanax scripts refilled. Nothing like being zonked out 24/7!
Listen, do yourself a favor. Don't waste your precious life on someone who is wasting theirs. It's early in your relationship, he's showing and 1/2 telling you who he is, believe him. What I would be asking myself is why I would feel the need to help someone instead of focusing on my own life. Get yourself into some AlAnon meetings...
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Old 12-22-2016, 07:20 AM
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Old 12-22-2016, 08:21 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I am sorry you are here but I am glad you found us. There is only one thing I can say. is that you deserve better!! Life with an alcoholic is not at all easy and is a constant roller coaster of good and bad. It is emotionally draining and devastating and super hard. Keep that in mind because with an alcoholic, alcohol is always first and foremost. They protect the drink above all else. They will chose alcohol over their families. Read up and educate yourself on the disease. Some do recover and do so successfully but statistics show the vast majority never will. 90 something percent do not stay sober. That is not to say your BF wont be one the 10 percent that does. My advice is to set strong boundaries about what behaviors you are willing to accept, take things slow and do not settle for what he could be, accept what he is right now.
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