knowthetriggers

I was invited to attend an open AA meeting by my AH. I went with hesitation as I had only been to one open AA meeting 15 years ago with my AH.

The atmosphere was almost electric - I could feel the power of recovery all around me. I know that sounds weird but that is how it felt when I first walked in. AH introduced me to several of his friends, all of them hugged him and myself, all smiles and full of joy. Then the meeting started - it was a guest speaker for the evening.

The story he shared sounded so familiar - I couldn't help but think he was talking about my husband. But I noticed everyone around us were shaking their heads in agreement like they knew exactly what he was saying and he was speaking about ALL of them. He spoke about excuses and choices. In closing he said something like "Not my will be done but THY will be done. You can set yourself free" and out of nowhere my AH belts out "AMEN!" I almost fell out of my chair. He had been quiet the entire meeting just listening and I didn't really expect him so say anything. Then we all stood in a circle and everyone had arms around each other to say the Our Father. Honestly I felt like a little of my private space was being invaded but I quickly realized the fellowship in this room and I joined in as well with no problem.

After the meeting AH brought me over to meet his new friend that he speaks of all the time. He hugged me and said "This is a good guy right here, I am helping him network so he can stay on track if I am not around to help him. I love to see him here twice a day, makes my heart happy". I really had no words but then he shared his story with me how he meet my AH.....he had been living sober at this facility for 9 months, had a family outing and drank, came back and was put on "circumstances", basically had to start over checking in new people, etc. 4 months later my AH walks thru the door and they meet, and his friend told me at that moment he knew why his HP had put him back where he was because it was meant to be for my AH to be in his life at that moment. That gave me chills and for the first time in a very long time I saw a real smile come over my AH's face and he shook his head in agreement.

I came home feeling hopeful for my own recovery. This morning I woke up and realized that I have some work to do on myself. I loved the feeling of the room when I first walked into last night's meeting. And this week when I go to my meeting I will open my mind to feel the energy of recovery in my own meeting. I know it's there - I just need to be willing to see and feel it.

Anyway - I may have rambled a bit there but I just wanted to share my experience. I want what they have - that peace and serenity and now it is my turn to free myself and work towards THY will and not my will!

AnvilheadII

That's from the 3rd Step Prayer in the Big Book:

The Third Step Prayer
from page 63 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
God, I offer myself to TheeTo
build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!
Amen

The NA 3rd Step Prayer is similar, just more succinct:

NA Third Step Prayer
“Take my will and my life,
guide me in my recovery,
show me how to live."

my 2nd ex had an NA coffee mug with the 3rd Step Prayer on it, but after a few runs thru the dishwasher some parts of the letters wore off and it became: Take my Wili and my LIfe - which we thought was hysterical!

dandylion

knowthetriggers....reading this, it is amazing to remember that less than three weeks ago...this is the same guy that said he didn't want to go to AA because he wasn't "like those people".....
I still carry the image of how your packed his bag (and I picture him taking it to AA for show and tell)......

I am smiling, to myself........

knowthetriggers

EXACTLY! I had to ask him - codie or not I had to know what was different NOW after all these years. He told me that he was tired of lying to himself and pretending.

He's right, he and I have lied to ourselves and we both were pretending and it sucks the life right out of you. I hate pretending. I really want the serenity these people all had.

Come to find out the "those people" he was talking about was a meeting he went to years before I even knew him. He said all they talked about in that particular meeting was what they lost, and how lonely they were and all of them were on their pity pots and to him that was not helping him, so he walked out the meeting and told them he had enough of his own problems and that he didn't need to sit here and listen to theirs. For him the difference here is he is hearing stories of recovery, no "war stories" (that is actually mentioned at the beginning of the meeting). In the words of the guest speaker you should share how you got there, alcohol. What did you want from the program, not to drink/sobriety and serenity, peace. What were you doing for your recovery, not drinking and going to meetings. He said to the group that if you applied that to your daily routine you will find it will become your routine but you have to be willing to do it!

knowthetriggers

This third step prayer is hanging over the entrance of the door in the hall we were in - so when you leave you can't help but see it staring you in your face not to mention my AH pointed this out to me last night and said this was his favorite prayer!

LexieCat

I've been to meetings like the one your husband described as the one he couldn't relate to. That's why one meeting isn't enough--for Al-Anon or AA. Even the best groups have meetings like that now and then. And the truth is, those people need to share, too. When you don't have any ESH to share, you share your sorrows, your confusion, your regrets. Nothing wrong with that--though hopefully, someone with a more positive note will share, too. And, truthfully, there may have been some positive things expressed at that meeting--most alcoholics who aren't really ready to quit drinking have selective hearing and will home in on whatever it is that makes them "different" from "those people".

I'm glad he's hooked up with some great people. Timing is everything. Way back when, your husband wouldn't have cared about this guy's enthusiasm, either. He probably would have written him off as a cult-follower, or a fake.

That's why it's important to stay involved in AA--not just for your own sobriety, but for the new person, who needs shining examples of what life can be like without a drink.

Berrybean

I've been to some wonderful meetings just as you have described, crackling with the energy of recovery. My home group and chosen regular meetings are like this (usually anyway). I have also been to some meetings where people are entrenched in The Problem, and any mention of steps or the Big Book or working on recovery is met with some animosity. In fact these were some of the first meetings I went to, and it's testimony to my own level of misery that I still found some hope in these meetings at the time. Now though I find them extremely toxic and avoid those ones.

As a general rule I find that Big Book or Step study meetings or ones with Recovery in the meeting title or description tend to be the best bet for solution focussed, positive meetings. Obviously any meeting can have a off day.

I'm pleased you got to sample that power of recovery and fellowship. It's magical isn't it.

honeypig

I went to an outstanding open meeting once too and posted about it. Here's the relevant part of the thread:

The second encounter was less personal, involving the AA speaker at a joint Alanon/AA open meeting last night. He was also a young guy, only 22 years old but 5 years sober. The specifics of his story were what you'd expect, if you've been around this board or have done reading about A's and alcoholism. He was clearly nervous and a bit tongue-tied. The thing that came thru so abundantly for him, much more so than any one story he told, was just this sense of possibility, of choice, of hope, I guess, above all else. He told a story of applying for a job that required a background check and drug testing and how he just kind of paused and thought to himself "wow, who I WAS would never even have gotten this far, let alone passed the tests!" And that was basically repeated in each vignette, how he never could or would have done what he was able to do now. His recovery just shone from him!

As you say, KTT, there is something almost palpable in the air. People here at SR told me I'd recognize true recovery when I saw it, and boy, they were right!

PhoenixJ

knowthetriggers

So true honeypig and Berrybean! It was almost overwhelming, in a good way, like emotional. May sound silly but almost like I inhaled a bit in surprise and in the back of my mind I was like "wow"!

Bekindalways

Great to hear this KTT. I do appreciate your regular shares both the ups and downs.

firebolt

What a great experience - I'm glad it helped you as well!

Esther414

That's awesome! Glad you left there feeling good about it. I need to attend these with my father.

LexieCat

I don't think it's a great idea for loved ones to REGULARLY attend with their alcoholics. Once in a while is great. I think when it becomes a regular thing, the loved one becomes a prop, or a crutch, and inhibits the alcoholic from sharing honestly. Let's face it, they usually want to appear to be saying/doing the right things. They also are less likely to strike up or be receptive to the one-on-one conversations before and after the formal meeting, which is where some of the real connection with other members takes place.

Just something to keep in mind.

There's also nothing preventing you from going to any open meeting on your own. You don't need an alcoholic as an admission ticket. Visitors are always welcome at any open meeting, though it's considered inappropriate to share during the formal meeting itself.

knowthetriggers

No, I wouldn't attend regular meetings with him - this is his recovery. I want to find this vibe in my own meetings, my own recovery.

Esther414

Definitely. They have meetings for the family on Thursdays, I guess I should have elaborated. My father did ask my mother to go with him to a meeting, she never did. She finally went one day by herself when he started drinking again.

LexieCat

That wasn't directed at you, it was more directed at Esther, who said she "needs to attend these" with her father. I didn't get the sense that you planned on being his AA wing-man, but I wanted to remind others that a little AA togetherness goes a long way.