My husband left me today

Old 09-23-2001, 07:01 AM
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Unhappy My husband left me today


My husband left me today. He tearfully told me that he loves me, he loves the kids, and he walked around the house looking at each room of our house. He asked if he could take pictures with him. I told him he could. I told him that I don't want him to leave. I told him that I love him. I told him that I will and have prayed for him every day. He did take the 'big blue Alcohlics Anonymous book' with him. He took AA numbers. He cries a lot, and I've never seen anybody so depressed in my life. He does have an appointment with our counselor on Tuesday. It's really hard for me to accept that I can't comfort him, and he does not have the ability to address my needs and comfort me. But what I want to know is: Is this pain for him 'normal' can this be a pain that he has to go through to find recovery, and peace? When I was in labor with my first child, I was surprised and scared by the pain of labor. I looked at my nurse and asked her if that is what I was suppose to feel, I asked her is this intense pain normal? She looked as me warmly and said, 'Yes, this pain is normal, and you will have a happy ending'. Is this the same thing? Is the pain that my husband and I are going through "normal" to achieve recovery for both of us? I will continue Al-Anon. Thank you for 'listening'.

Old 09-23-2001, 11:56 AM
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I have been down this road before. My husband, (who has alcohol and sex addictions) devastated me with his behaviour. He was depressed, in tears often - seeming to be crawling on the edge of a knife so much of the time. He couldn't bear what he was doing to me - but at the same time, there was a time where he did choose to participate in his addictions rather than participate in life with me.

As a wife of a man like this, what I came to see was that addictions are like an octopus. It has tentacles which reach around, and seem to strangle the life out of the person they are entangling. My husband walked away from me - and shattered me.

The truth is - he is out of control. When he says he loves you, I believe he really does. It is just that those octopus arms and tentacles hang on real tight.

Imagine this. When the drinking first starts, it is like a tiny thread wraps itself around their body. Over time the thread turns into a light rope, then heavy rope, then a chain, then an enormously heavy chain with a huge padlock on it.

The only way out seems to be when they really, really, really see themselves for what they have become - and desperately want out.

My heart aches for you... and although it is cold comfort for what you are going through right now, I have been where you are and I know how you feel.

After a year of separation, much counseling, support and prayer - my husband and I have reunited. This has been a painful road.

The best support I can give you is to tell you to persevere. Love him pro-actively, just as God loves us pro-actively. Don't under estimate the power of prayer, plead your case before God - He is the healer, His shoulder is also big enough for you to do an awful lot of crying on. I know that there are many tear stains there from me.

Never, ever, ever give up - because God never gives up on us.

Old 09-23-2001, 06:48 PM
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Thank you for the reply. I'm trying to be hopeful. He did call tonight, just to say goodnight.

Old 09-24-2001, 05:43 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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I got this in my e-mail today and thought I would pass it along....

"I can change only myself, but sometimes that is
--Ruth Humlecker

Happiness is more fleeting for some of us than for
others. We may ponder this notion but fail to grasp
the reason. However, careful attention to how "the
happy ones" go through life will enlighten us. We
will note how seldom they complain about others'
actions. We will discover their willingness to accept
others as they are. We will see that their attention is
generally on the positive aspects of people and
circumstances rather than on the negative.

We can join the parade of "happy ones" by letting
go of our need to change people and situations that
disturb us. Even when we are certain other people
are wrong, we can let go of controlling them. Doing
this means changing ourselves, of course. But this is
the one thing in life we do have control over.

I will change myself if I think something needs
changing today!

Hang in there peace...your hubby sounds so much like mine was at first...with the proper help he can recover but it's up to him.

Love and serenity,

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