Funeral tomorrow
 

I haven't been here in several years, but this forum gave me great strength and resolve when I needed it most.

My ex-husband, the father of my eldest son, the man I loved, screamed at, begged, prayed for, wept over, has died.

At 42.

Alone in a hotel room, surrounded by empty bottles.

It is heartbreaking and unfair. He drank when I loved and lived with him. He drank when I left. His pain was too great for me to shoulder, and now he has gone.

I am a mess of emotion. All of the anger that propelled me forward and out of our alcoholic/codependent dance had long ago mellowed to peace, and I am surprised by my intense and terrible grief. With anger gone, and no more need for distance, I swim in sorrow for him. For all of those who face this horror.

I am so sorry for your loss, and wish peace for you now.

TC-my heart goes out to you, such horror, such hell and loneliness. I hope he has finally found peace. What can I say? Prayers to you and yours, PJ.

TC :hug:

I very much remember you and your story, although you knew me under a different name. Even though you were not part of his daily chaos any longer, the pain you feel is no less valid at his loss, and I'm just so sorry!!

And yes, grief is very intense. My husband passed in October 2015 (not an alcoholic--but suddenly and unexpectedly). I do understand. I hope you are supported by family and friends in the coming days, weeks, and months!

You have my deepest sympaties.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Tc,
I am glad you reached out, we all understand. My heart hurts for you. Please know that you did every thing humanly possible to help him.

I am so sorry for your loss!!

42, what a tragic waste. Some people battle their whole lives without success. It must be exhausting in the end.
So sorry about your loss, and I hope you find some comfort at the funeral.

TC,

My prayers go out to you and your eldest son. The death of a loved one is never easy especially when it didn't have to happen this way. God Bless you and your family. ((((hug))))

I am so sorry for your pain. Thank you for your poignant post. My prayers are with you and your family.

I'm so sorry. Alcoholism is such a tragic disease.

Wishing you all peace.

:flame::candle6D::candle::flow:ToughChoices.....I cry for your pain....
The end was not in your hands...it was in the hands of The Universe.....

I feel like we all belong to a special club....together in the knowledge of the pain that addiction can bring to us....
I hope that the knowledge that he is, finally, at peace, can bring you some comfort....

You can always come here and share your memories and sorrow, if you want to.....
As always, we will understand....

So sorry for your loss...so tragic. Just know you have done everything you could, and more.

Lost my XAH a little over a year ago- 57 yrs. old, died alone in an apt. surrounded by drugs and booze- I found him- drove 5 hrs. since he wasn't answering email or phone. He could have been gone a week. Good people- BAD disease. :( sorry for your loss.........sad.......

I'm so sorry. Peace to you and your family.

My father also died in his 42nd year. He was a drinker and his heart stopped.

My deepest condolences for you and your son.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Peace will come.

ToughChoices, I'm so sorry for your loss.

http://s29.postimg.org/yaptthcl3/image.jpg

Sending you hugs, and hoping for peace for you and your family.

Gods Peace

Thank you.

The memorial was what I hoped for...an honest collection of stories and memories for my son to cherish.

Choosing the readings and music for the ceremony was healing for me in many ways. I loved Peter. I lost him. Now we remember and continue to move forward.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts.

Alcoholism is unfair and painful. It is outside my control. But my life: my 3 sweet boys, my kind sober husband, my rewarding work, my rejuvenating friendships - are a gift of my recovery.

There is hope for all, even in this dark hour.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

It's good that you are able to see peace and hope.

So very sorry to hear about your ex dieing. I have had several friends die with empty bottles surrounding them. Saddens me.

M-Bob

I am so very, very sorry, ToughChoices. Your post brought tears.

May you and your dear son know peace.

I am so very sorry of your loss. :( It's a devastating and baffling disease. I pray that you and your son may find some semblance of peace and understanding surrounding this horrible tragedy. Give that sweet boy extra hugs today. You are stronger than you think and he is lucky to have you as his mom and role model.

Thanks so much for posting here Toughchoices in spite of your grief. The phrase in your OP "swimming in grief" hit me.

I am so so sorry for this pain and loss for your family and at the same time want to thank you for grabbing health and happiness for yourself and making sure your XAH's addiction didn't take any more lives than his.

May battalions of angels bombard you and your family!

I too have been away from the boards for a few years, but I used to post a lot about the struggles I had breaking completely free of my XAH. He died in 2014--he had stage 4 melanoma which would have killed him, but in the end his liver couldn't take the harsh and experimental cancer drugs on top of his continued drinking. He too died alone in a rented room surrounded by booze. I still think of him every day, but I was also lucky enough to remarry in 2015 to a wonderful man, and my daughter and I are doing much better. And I do take comfort that he is finally at peace. I am very sorry for your loss, and the loss of your son's father.