Too soon
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Too soon
Just looking for some thoughts on this....STBXAH and I have come to an agreement that it is time for us to both move on....separately.
He didn't think I was really serious about us getting divorced til a few weeks ago when I had a guy come over to hang out and watch a movie. He doesn't know this guy and says his sponsor and therapist think it is too soon for me and that maybe I need to go to alanon because this guy has had a TBI and PTSD from when he was in the service, which was many years ago. I have known this person for about a year...we both work at the same place/similar jobs. He has kids from previous relationships and has custody of the 2 oldest.
I like hanging out with this guy. We have some things in common and others things not so much. There is nothing serious between us....yet. I am cautious because of the kids and have not had him over when they are here.
So am I moving on too soon? I was thinking not until STBXAH brought it up tonight.
He didn't think I was really serious about us getting divorced til a few weeks ago when I had a guy come over to hang out and watch a movie. He doesn't know this guy and says his sponsor and therapist think it is too soon for me and that maybe I need to go to alanon because this guy has had a TBI and PTSD from when he was in the service, which was many years ago. I have known this person for about a year...we both work at the same place/similar jobs. He has kids from previous relationships and has custody of the 2 oldest.
I like hanging out with this guy. We have some things in common and others things not so much. There is nothing serious between us....yet. I am cautious because of the kids and have not had him over when they are here.
So am I moving on too soon? I was thinking not until STBXAH brought it up tonight.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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Hey KidsR#1, where are you with your own recovery? Have you been going to Alanon?
Unfortunately many of us codies can wind up getting right back into a similar relationship if we don't work out our own issues. This guy could be another verse of the same song you have been singing with STBXAH.
Unfortunately many of us codies can wind up getting right back into a similar relationship if we don't work out our own issues. This guy could be another verse of the same song you have been singing with STBXAH.
He doesn't know this guy and says his sponsor and therapist think it is too soon for me and that maybe I need to go to alanon because this guy has had a TBI and PTSD from when he was in the service, which was many years ago. I have known this person for about a year...we both work at the same place/similar jobs.
Do you two work for the same company? That I would be careful with.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Yes. Same company, different buildings, and I am a temp in same department. There are couples that work for the company together, that is how some of them met. I have been at the company for 15 yrs so I know how they look at people working together when in a relationship.
I thought it was odd he talks to his sponsor and therapist too. He says it is because he is worried about this guy because of what he has read about ptsd. He has never met him and while they are both very different they are similar too. Probably why I am attracted to him.
I thought it was odd he talks to his sponsor and therapist too. He says it is because he is worried about this guy because of what he has read about ptsd. He has never met him and while they are both very different they are similar too. Probably why I am attracted to him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Hey KidsR#1, where are you with your own recovery? Have you been going to Alanon?
Unfortunately many of us codies can wind up getting right back into a similar relationship if we don't work out our own issues. This guy could be another verse of the same song you have been singing with STBXAH.
Unfortunately many of us codies can wind up getting right back into a similar relationship if we don't work out our own issues. This guy could be another verse of the same song you have been singing with STBXAH.
I don't think opinions from your ex can be anything but biased and self-serving.
Of course he doesn't want you to date--it's a blow to his ego if nothing else.
The saying is "don't go to the hardware store for bread".
Paying attention to what he says on affairs of the heart is just that.
However, it is valid for you to be thoughtful and in no hurry to get in another relationship.
This is better worked out with therapist and internally--in short, don't talk
about it with him again, and don't allow him to bring up the subject.
Wishing you all the best and, when the time comes, a happy and fulfilling relationship. Don't just settle--choose wisely
Of course he doesn't want you to date--it's a blow to his ego if nothing else.
The saying is "don't go to the hardware store for bread".
Paying attention to what he says on affairs of the heart is just that.
However, it is valid for you to be thoughtful and in no hurry to get in another relationship.
This is better worked out with therapist and internally--in short, don't talk
about it with him again, and don't allow him to bring up the subject.
Wishing you all the best and, when the time comes, a happy and fulfilling relationship. Don't just settle--choose wisely
Really? His sponsor didn't remind him to stay on his own side of the street & his therapist also happens to agree & finds it appropriate to issue a professional opinion having never met or discussed it directly with you?
QUACK!!
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