Too soon

Old 12-08-2016, 09:56 PM
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Too soon

Just looking for some thoughts on this....STBXAH and I have come to an agreement that it is time for us to both move on....separately.

He didn't think I was really serious about us getting divorced til a few weeks ago when I had a guy come over to hang out and watch a movie. He doesn't know this guy and says his sponsor and therapist think it is too soon for me and that maybe I need to go to alanon because this guy has had a TBI and PTSD from when he was in the service, which was many years ago. I have known this person for about a year...we both work at the same place/similar jobs. He has kids from previous relationships and has custody of the 2 oldest.

I like hanging out with this guy. We have some things in common and others things not so much. There is nothing serious between us....yet. I am cautious because of the kids and have not had him over when they are here.

So am I moving on too soon? I was thinking not until STBXAH brought it up tonight.
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Old 12-08-2016, 10:22 PM
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Hey KidsR#1, where are you with your own recovery? Have you been going to Alanon?

Unfortunately many of us codies can wind up getting right back into a similar relationship if we don't work out our own issues. This guy could be another verse of the same song you have been singing with STBXAH.
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Old 12-08-2016, 10:37 PM
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Originally Posted by KidsR#1 View Post
He doesn't know this guy and says his sponsor and therapist think it is too soon for me and that maybe I need to go to alanon because this guy has had a TBI and PTSD from when he was in the service, which was many years ago. I have known this person for about a year...we both work at the same place/similar jobs.
Interesting that this is what he discusses with his sponsor.

Do you two work for the same company? That I would be careful with.
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Old 12-09-2016, 04:30 AM
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Yes. Same company, different buildings, and I am a temp in same department. There are couples that work for the company together, that is how some of them met. I have been at the company for 15 yrs so I know how they look at people working together when in a relationship.

I thought it was odd he talks to his sponsor and therapist too. He says it is because he is worried about this guy because of what he has read about ptsd. He has never met him and while they are both very different they are similar too. Probably why I am attracted to him.
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Old 12-09-2016, 04:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
Hey KidsR#1, where are you with your own recovery? Have you been going to Alanon?

Unfortunately many of us codies can wind up getting right back into a similar relationship if we don't work out our own issues. This guy could be another verse of the same song you have been singing with STBXAH.
My therapist said this summer I was doing great. Alanon meetings don't got my schedule. Live in small town. I feel good about my own recovery. Totally different from where I was at last December or even this spring. I am aware we tend to revert back to our codie behaviors. One of the reasons why this relationship isn't more serious at this point at my end. I am being cautious. Plus we both have kids to consider.
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Old 12-09-2016, 09:41 AM
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how did your STBX know you had a guy over, where he works and his medical conditions????
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Old 12-09-2016, 01:48 PM
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I don't think opinions from your ex can be anything but biased and self-serving.
Of course he doesn't want you to date--it's a blow to his ego if nothing else.

The saying is "don't go to the hardware store for bread".

Paying attention to what he says on affairs of the heart is just that.

However, it is valid for you to be thoughtful and in no hurry to get in another relationship.

This is better worked out with therapist and internally--in short, don't talk
about it with him again, and don't allow him to bring up the subject.

Wishing you all the best and, when the time comes, a happy and fulfilling relationship. Don't just settle--choose wisely
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Old 12-09-2016, 01:51 PM
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^^^^^^^Top Notch advice!!
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Old 12-09-2016, 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by KidsR#1 View Post
He doesn't know this guy and says his sponsor and therapist think it is too soon for me and that maybe I need to go to alanon because this guy has had a TBI and PTSD from when he was in the service, which was many years ago.



Really? His sponsor didn't remind him to stay on his own side of the street & his therapist also happens to agree & finds it appropriate to issue a professional opinion having never met or discussed it directly with you?

QUACK!!
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Old 12-10-2016, 01:15 PM
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Regarding ex, it's none of his business what you do. But hooking up with another addict won't improve your life, only drag it back down.
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Old 12-10-2016, 09:07 PM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
how did your STBX know you had a guy over, where he works and his medical conditions????
I was wondering about that...especially since he doesn't even know the guy.
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