Maudcat

They are so, so good. Dandy. I like "A Walk in the Woods," "In a Sunburned Country" (about Australia), "A Short History of Nearly Everything", and one called simply, "Home" about the evolution of living space. Enjoy!

honeypig

Dandy--it is HILARIOUS!! Bill Bryson is a funny, funny guy, IMHO.

dandylion

Thanks, Maudcat, for the recommendation. I, almost, can't read anything (outside of a textbook) that I haven't been given a word of mouth recommendation---or, seen/heard the author interviewed...

Sadly, I have never been able to judge a book by it's cover.....
(lol)

honeypig

Hijack alert:

You know, one of the changes I've recently made in my life is to give myself permission to stop reading a book if I don't like it or it's not what I want. Isn't that nuts? I've always felt that if I started a book, I had to finish it.

How freeing to be able to say, after a page or 2 or 10 or 100--"nope, not what I was looking for", close it up and take it back to the library unfinished!

Hijack over--back to the thread!

53500

Lol good for her.

My grandfather was my grandmother's second husband. She was two years older than him and lied about it until almost her dying day. (They both passed in the 1960s so easier to keep secrets.) He was signing her into the hospital for what would be her final stay. They asked her age and he said "68" and she said "No, I'm 70".

dandylion

Thanks, 53500........

FeelingGreat

Just back to Bill Bryson; another fan here. He's very funny and readable but with plenty of substance. His description of the game of cricket is priceless.

LexieCat

So... the other shoe dropped today. After a couple of phone calls wherein my stepmom said they hadn't yet discussed/decided what they wanted to do with the money, she called to day to say they had decided, and they now want to take FIFTY k of the house sale proceeds and give $10k to each of her three kids AND $10k to each of my two kids.

When they were first discussing the money, this is what they wanted to do, and they backed off to $30k, and then to considering $20k in "gifts." I said, what about my brother's son? My stepmom said they didn't feel he "needed" it so much.

Well, this all feels VERY weird to me. My stepmom said they don't HAVE to give money to my kids, but she is definitely going to give the $30k to her kids. I had mentioned this to my ex when it all first came up, and he made me feel a little guilty (not that that was his intention--I know him), pointing out that my older son is going back to finish his degree and could probably use the money. My younger son isn't in that position, but he works in a call center and probably will need a new car before too long. My nephew has a well-paying professional job (though he's got two young kids).

I couldn't argue with them any more about it--we talked through all the finances, and they know where they stand. I doubt it will make much ultimate difference in how long they can support themselves. They will be fine if nobody winds up in long-term care, and if they do, they have enough to be fine till their late 90s if they live that long.

So I called my brother first and let him know. I told him how awkward I felt about this, and offered to ask them to split the money they planned to give my kids three ways instead of two. He said no, he just wouldn't mention it to his son at all, and he agreed we did what we could to get them to conserve the resources. After what my ex pointed out, I didn't feel right about refusing on behalf of my kids.

Bottom line, it's their money to spend as they see fit. I feel like I did my job, and did my best to be fair. I just have to let it go.

I'm talking to my ex tonight so we can sort of strategize on encouraging the kids (who are 28 and 30 and fairly responsible) to use the money wisely. I don't want them blowing it all at once. Ultimately, though, that will be THEIR money.

And then, I gotta just let it go.

Maudcat

Sounds like a plan!

theuncertainty

My sister and I were just talking about our parents and their significant others and trying to line out when we'd know it was time to step in and talk about alternate living arrangements (or driving issues). It's definitely not going to be straight forward - especially working with the other families. Sounds like you're doing OK with it all, though.

Maudcat

My spouse and I have decided that if there is money coming our way after mom passes, and there likely will be, we are sending on to the kids. We don't need it and they can always use it. Similar to your solution, Lexie. Good plan.

LexieCat

It really is tricky. My dad wouldn't dare get behind the wheel now, but my stepmom still drives (short trips) and for god-knows-what-reason they bought a brand new car a year and a half ago. And they were going round and round about moving, when my dad, out of the blue, decided to move to assisted living (my stepmom wanted to do it a year before). I think he could see how much stress she was under.

We were very lucky, most of it sort of took care of itself. With my dad, my brother and I gave him big props for doing the SMART thing, and my dad just beamed. We are fortunate that positive reinforcement works pretty well with him.

Maudcat

M mom never drove, and my dad got to a point where he couldn't pass the eye exam and couldn't renew his license. I think he was kind of relieved. His driving in his later years was truly dangerous. We had to stop my mother in law from driving after her 3rd accident within 5 years put her in the hospital and a rehabilitative facility for several weeks. We convinced her to table driving for the winter. When spring came, she agreed to go to one of those clinics that assess your cognitive and physical ability to determine if you can safely drive. She didn't do well at all. She was not happy about it, but recognized that she shouldn't be driving. This was about 5 years ago. She's okay about now, but that was a tough several months as she got used to being without a car. It is truly a kick in the pants for the elder. Everyone is different, though, so it's hard to know when to step in. My mom's 90 year old neighbor still drives! Not much, but she does.

hearthealth

My mother wanted to give us money. I accepted and put it in a separate savings account. Now that she is older if she needs something we can use that money. Or use it for funeral expenses. She was happy giving us the money and I am reassured she has some money.

Maudcat

Wonderful idea, hearthealth.

LexieCat

Great idea!

I just talked with my ex, he is actually relieved they are doing it, as he thought he was going to have to help with my older son's tuition. I told him, I don't think there's anything wrong with our son having to take a loan to help pay for school. It won't be a crushing, huge loan like some young people have, but it's not so terrible to have some skin in the game when it comes to one's own education. We actually paid for at least a couple of semesters of this son's education when he decided to blow things off and not go to class. So his whole education WOULD have been paid for, but he pretty much squandered the chance, so I don't feel compelled to rescue him. His dad looks at it differently, but at this point it's between them. He's much more prone to "helping" financially than I am.