Positive Thinking
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Positive Thinking
December can be a very difficult month - holidays bring their own special kind of stress, don't they?
I'm blessed with some wonderful downtime & a winter vacation while DD is out of school & we can staycation at home together..... but getting there, oh boy... it's going to be a tough one this year! I have a very long, difficult stretch between Thanksgiving & Christmas filled from top to bottom with events & details every day & night & weekend. Usually my break starts just before the holiday & I kind of ease through the last of the stress but this year the timing is the opposite - I don't really start my time off until AFTER Christmas so there are no extra days at home to catch up on cookies, shopping, wrapping, whatever this year..... and I don't want to spend half of my time off recuperating from it all either.
I found myself getting dragged down earlier this week with my sister's FOG behavior & a building sinus infection (I think). This morning I recognized the signs of me having a codie-meltdown on RAH in anticipation of *his* annual holiday depression/meltdown - the only time of year he ever cares that his family is completely uninvolved in our lives. I think this was my way of trying to get ahead of it because it usually takes me off guard and wipes out my cheery holiday mood. Looking back I can see that I have been completely falling down on self-care & Me Time & the combination of it all is starting to make me feel out of sorts & overwhelmed.... even though it's all "good stress" & nothing really bad is going on.
I'm choosing to focus on the positive instead & am actively looking for more ways to be positive & to spread it to others. So far I have:
* switched over to light, fun & funny reading instead of watching tv until I fall asleep at night
* bought toys/meals/stuffed money in every donation bucket I've seen
* searched out & donated to organizations in my area that support women & children of domestic violence and teen addiction recovery.
* spent more quality time with my family members trying to dig into a little deeper conversation - it's been fun finding out out new "stuff" and it's been a great way to shop for interesting gifts that they won't be expecting this year. Getting my 17-yr old niece to open up can be so difficult but once I did - WOW!
* bought myself a couple of nice things for the holiday (I usually do
) including some new French truffles to eat while I wrap all those gifts.
* started using my first 15 mins of each morning for either gratitude or meditation practice, depending on the day. This is a habit I enjoy but fell out of doing every day when my morning workouts became a higher priority.
* planned an excellent night out with my friends for my birthday in a couple of weeks, so excited to get everyone together!
* revamped our annual holiday letter at work to focus on positivity in the new year & pitched a campaign for gift-giving to local associates & clients that will let me put a much more personal touch on things than in the past - a way to express our gratitude in person & not just send "things" through the mail. I've already gotten many calls on the letters, they were very well received!
* RAH & I shopped for & will send gifts to our friends who are really hurting financially this year & have no way of buying gifts for their 3 kids.
* I am writing my self-care tasks on my calendar just like I would any other "to-do" item so that I cannot overlook my own needs.
How is your December going? What are you doing when you start getting overwhelmed?
I'm blessed with some wonderful downtime & a winter vacation while DD is out of school & we can staycation at home together..... but getting there, oh boy... it's going to be a tough one this year! I have a very long, difficult stretch between Thanksgiving & Christmas filled from top to bottom with events & details every day & night & weekend. Usually my break starts just before the holiday & I kind of ease through the last of the stress but this year the timing is the opposite - I don't really start my time off until AFTER Christmas so there are no extra days at home to catch up on cookies, shopping, wrapping, whatever this year..... and I don't want to spend half of my time off recuperating from it all either.
I found myself getting dragged down earlier this week with my sister's FOG behavior & a building sinus infection (I think). This morning I recognized the signs of me having a codie-meltdown on RAH in anticipation of *his* annual holiday depression/meltdown - the only time of year he ever cares that his family is completely uninvolved in our lives. I think this was my way of trying to get ahead of it because it usually takes me off guard and wipes out my cheery holiday mood. Looking back I can see that I have been completely falling down on self-care & Me Time & the combination of it all is starting to make me feel out of sorts & overwhelmed.... even though it's all "good stress" & nothing really bad is going on.
I'm choosing to focus on the positive instead & am actively looking for more ways to be positive & to spread it to others. So far I have:
* switched over to light, fun & funny reading instead of watching tv until I fall asleep at night
* bought toys/meals/stuffed money in every donation bucket I've seen
* searched out & donated to organizations in my area that support women & children of domestic violence and teen addiction recovery.
* spent more quality time with my family members trying to dig into a little deeper conversation - it's been fun finding out out new "stuff" and it's been a great way to shop for interesting gifts that they won't be expecting this year. Getting my 17-yr old niece to open up can be so difficult but once I did - WOW!
* bought myself a couple of nice things for the holiday (I usually do
) including some new French truffles to eat while I wrap all those gifts.* started using my first 15 mins of each morning for either gratitude or meditation practice, depending on the day. This is a habit I enjoy but fell out of doing every day when my morning workouts became a higher priority.
* planned an excellent night out with my friends for my birthday in a couple of weeks, so excited to get everyone together!
* revamped our annual holiday letter at work to focus on positivity in the new year & pitched a campaign for gift-giving to local associates & clients that will let me put a much more personal touch on things than in the past - a way to express our gratitude in person & not just send "things" through the mail. I've already gotten many calls on the letters, they were very well received!
* RAH & I shopped for & will send gifts to our friends who are really hurting financially this year & have no way of buying gifts for their 3 kids.
* I am writing my self-care tasks on my calendar just like I would any other "to-do" item so that I cannot overlook my own needs.
How is your December going? What are you doing when you start getting overwhelmed?
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Sounds good to me, FireSprite. Keep your focus on the positive. I try to do that as well. Am usually successful unless I don't feel well. Then crankiness ensues. Something my spouse and I did years ago, and I have always felt it was one of our better ideas: stop trading gifts with family. Everyone had everything they could possibly need. We didn't need to add to it. Took a couple of Christmases to get everyone on board, but it was so worth it. Now my holiday stress level is practically nil. Peace.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Wow Firesprite! You are on fire girl!
Great ideas! Just curious though, how the heck did you get a
17 year old to open up to you? That's something I wish I was
better at, its really a talent.
My strategy for the holidays is keep it simple & remember the
reason. Start and end each day with gratitude, find ways to
reach out & think of others. Simple things like a little laughter
everyday, if it's watching afv or buying $2.00 "holiday Specs"
that make each christmas light look like an image of
stars, santa, snowmen, or reindeer, too funny.
Mostly looking forward to seeing our DD, SIL, & grandkids
out of state for Christmas. Flying at Christmas - I think I
will need medication.....
Great ideas! Just curious though, how the heck did you get a
17 year old to open up to you? That's something I wish I was
better at, its really a talent.
My strategy for the holidays is keep it simple & remember the
reason. Start and end each day with gratitude, find ways to
reach out & think of others. Simple things like a little laughter
everyday, if it's watching afv or buying $2.00 "holiday Specs"
that make each christmas light look like an image of
stars, santa, snowmen, or reindeer, too funny.
Mostly looking forward to seeing our DD, SIL, & grandkids
out of state for Christmas. Flying at Christmas - I think I
will need medication.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Great thread FS!
THe holidays this year are not my favorite. I am missing my dad. I have in the last couple days an irrational and renewed sense of anger at xabf. That was triggered by him giving my old neighbor a jacket of mine to give to me that I forgot at his place...a year later. I am trying to get my finances in order and it is difficult. My boss is being difficult. I nest in the winter and inevitably gain 10 - 15 lbs. All this has been weighing me down for a couple weeks, and this funk is my own making.
To counteract, I am trying to find a new exercise program - turns out I love kickboxing - who knew?! I am saying NO to things I don't want to do. I need to get to church one of these Sundays...it ALWAYS boosts my spirit. I did the Whole 30 cleanse and physically feel pretty great...and bonus, I'm down 15 lbs. I made candy and cookies for all of my friends, and only tasted a tiny bit while baking I am mostly sticking to the Whole 30 food list now that I'm done with the cleanse. I got a couple doc appointments out of the way rather than delaying them. I am banking on next year being easier without dad, and I even did a tiny amount of Christmas decorating.
Whew - I get down on myself, and it helps to type it out....and then it really helps for me to type out that I AM doing things to make it better...cause when I wallow, it feels like I'm not.
Happy holidays all <3 I wish I could send you all some salted caramels, almond rocha, cookies, and cake truffles
THe holidays this year are not my favorite. I am missing my dad. I have in the last couple days an irrational and renewed sense of anger at xabf. That was triggered by him giving my old neighbor a jacket of mine to give to me that I forgot at his place...a year later. I am trying to get my finances in order and it is difficult. My boss is being difficult. I nest in the winter and inevitably gain 10 - 15 lbs. All this has been weighing me down for a couple weeks, and this funk is my own making.
To counteract, I am trying to find a new exercise program - turns out I love kickboxing - who knew?! I am saying NO to things I don't want to do. I need to get to church one of these Sundays...it ALWAYS boosts my spirit. I did the Whole 30 cleanse and physically feel pretty great...and bonus, I'm down 15 lbs. I made candy and cookies for all of my friends, and only tasted a tiny bit while baking
I am mostly sticking to the Whole 30 food list now that I'm done with the cleanse. I got a couple doc appointments out of the way rather than delaying them. I am banking on next year being easier without dad, and I even did a tiny amount of Christmas decorating.Whew - I get down on myself, and it helps to type it out....and then it really helps for me to type out that I AM doing things to make it better...cause when I wallow, it feels like I'm not.
Happy holidays all <3 I wish I could send you all some salted caramels, almond rocha, cookies, and cake truffles
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Originally Posted by Maudcat 
Something my spouse and I did years ago, and I have always felt it was one of our better ideas: stop trading gifts with family. Everyone had everything they could possibly need. We didn't need to add to it. Took a couple of Christmases to get everyone on board, but it was so worth it. Now my holiday stress level is practically nil. Peace.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by mylifeismine
Just curious though, how the heck did you get a
17 year old to open up to you? That's something I wish I was
better at, its really a talent.
17 year old to open up to you? That's something I wish I was
better at, its really a talent.
or buying $2.00 "holiday Specs" that make each christmas light look like an image of stars, santa, snowmen, or reindeer, too funny.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by firebolt
Happy holidays all <3 I wish I could send you all some salted caramels, almond rocha, cookies, and cake truffles
((((((((((((Hugs))))))))) Fire Sister, no doubt this will be a challenging year but WOW are you doing phenomenal stuff!!! I've been wanting to try kickboxing for a while........ great idea!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by FireSprite
I just didn't let up, lol. I also asked her very specific questions... what's going on in this class? What are your thoughts about that movie? Have you read this book? What colleges are you interested in & why? Blue or red? Up or Down?
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Location: USA
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I love this FS.
I agree, the holidays are a special kind of stress. I always to some degree worry about how my X will handle himself around our children, but he spirals at the holidays and it can either be fine, or a huge mess. Ugh.
We just got a puppy, so he is keeping me busy and keeping my mind off that stress. Every weekend that my DD goes there between Thanksgiving and Xmas I just breathe a huge sigh of relief when she is back home. My older DD told me my X was very emotional and talking about all of this heavy stuff, death, etc. last time they were there (last weekend). I am betting he had been drinking b/c that is what he does, but they seemed to cope, and I had no evidence except my own gut feeling, so I let it go. DD seemed fine when she got home Sunday, which was a relief!
Going out of town this weekend for my bday with some of my family, that should be fun. I am just going to try and do enjoyable things day by day and pray for this month to sail by quickly and smoothly! I too am going to remind myself to take care of me in the mix too!
I agree, the holidays are a special kind of stress. I always to some degree worry about how my X will handle himself around our children, but he spirals at the holidays and it can either be fine, or a huge mess. Ugh.
We just got a puppy, so he is keeping me busy and keeping my mind off that stress. Every weekend that my DD goes there between Thanksgiving and Xmas I just breathe a huge sigh of relief when she is back home. My older DD told me my X was very emotional and talking about all of this heavy stuff, death, etc. last time they were there (last weekend). I am betting he had been drinking b/c that is what he does, but they seemed to cope, and I had no evidence except my own gut feeling, so I let it go. DD seemed fine when she got home Sunday, which was a relief!
Going out of town this weekend for my bday with some of my family, that should be fun. I am just going to try and do enjoyable things day by day and pray for this month to sail by quickly and smoothly! I too am going to remind myself to take care of me in the mix too!
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
I went to the care center today and delivered mother her favorite candy and decorated her room with her own Christmas items. I stored for the season. Her happiness was priceless. She started singing Christmas carols and I joined in and then started laughing. The memory will be cherished.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I went to the care center today and delivered mother her favorite candy and decorated her room with her own Christmas items. I stored for the season. Her happiness was priceless. She started singing Christmas carols and I joined in and then started laughing. The memory will be cherished.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Wow Fire! Your post made me smile and exhausted all at the same time! Lol. I wish I had your energy.
This is such a busy month! I managed to get the house decorated just before Thanksgiving because I left town that weekend and didn't want to deal with it when I came back. I managed to buy 1, just 1 Christmas gift for my son so far. I asked him what he wanted/needed he tells me nothing so I'm gonna have to wing it this year and pick out things I hope he likes and uses. December certainly started off with a bang. I hosted a birthday party here at my house on Friday night, went out to dinner then bar hopping ( yikes, can I say that here?) with a long time girlfriend of mine on Saturday night and then Sunday night hosted 4 of my girlfriends that I have known for 40 years here for a dinner party. I'm exhausted just typing that out!
Much like your guy, my exabf used to go through what I guess now is a depression this time of year also. Boy, I do not miss that for one second. The last year we were together he was intoxicated when we went to pick out a tree and as you can imagine it just snowballed from there. Not good! So glad I am able to breath easy these days!
I'm actually looking forward to January 2nd!!!
This is such a busy month! I managed to get the house decorated just before Thanksgiving because I left town that weekend and didn't want to deal with it when I came back. I managed to buy 1, just 1 Christmas gift for my son so far. I asked him what he wanted/needed he tells me nothing so I'm gonna have to wing it this year and pick out things I hope he likes and uses. December certainly started off with a bang. I hosted a birthday party here at my house on Friday night, went out to dinner then bar hopping ( yikes, can I say that here?) with a long time girlfriend of mine on Saturday night and then Sunday night hosted 4 of my girlfriends that I have known for 40 years here for a dinner party. I'm exhausted just typing that out!
Much like your guy, my exabf used to go through what I guess now is a depression this time of year also. Boy, I do not miss that for one second. The last year we were together he was intoxicated when we went to pick out a tree and as you can imagine it just snowballed from there. Not good! So glad I am able to breath easy these days!
I'm actually looking forward to January 2nd!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 60
I think I will add a bit to this thread
December has been a little somber and chaotic, trying to save a large amount of money, so I'm taking the time to fine-tune my focus on what matters, not the what-ifs, worries, and buts. Eyes on the prize (or prizes)!
Inexpensive things I'm doing so I don't get overwhelmed:
Indulge in fragrance - my girls are loving the holiday scents at bath & body works so I bought a few on sale for them. I'm not normally a "smell like food" person, but I've been going at that gingerbread latte body spray like no tomorrow! Also using some scented candles (safely and in the morning usually - I am a bit of a scatterbrain still so I can't be falling asleep with candles). Lightens my mood.
Clean and declutter - usually end up doing this anyway before decorating the house. We celebrate Christmas, but I'm not decorating every corner this year. I have some cute small holiday cookie jars and such. With the LED candles next to them, calming, glowing little Christmas shrines are created here and there. Much easier than miles of electric cords and surge protectors!
Holiday music - love it, I've been tuning the radio to the stations that go 24 hour holiday music up until Christmas day. I have trouble crying sometimes but if I hear Nat King Cole or Aaron Neville, well forget it, good cry is had LOL!
Acknowledge the progress I've made - There was a time a year ago where my life was in total chaos, emotionally, financially. Things are better this year. I am not all the way there but I have made progress. When money gets funny, I do the math and find a way to get there from here. It's better than just hoping things magically get better. Life is much better with a plan.
Hot chocolate K-cups - my daughter's therapist has a Keurig in her office waiting room. We usually have to take the bus home, so we've come up with a ritual of brewing a cup of hot chocolate for the wait at the bus stop The k-cups are pricey, but much cheaper than stopping at a coffee shop.
December isn't always kind and peaceful, but I hope everyone can find a little peace and joy here and there!
Originally Posted by FireSprite
December can be a very difficult month - holidays bring their own special kind of stress, don't they?
How is your December going? What are you doing when you start getting overwhelmed?
How is your December going? What are you doing when you start getting overwhelmed?
Inexpensive things I'm doing so I don't get overwhelmed:
Indulge in fragrance - my girls are loving the holiday scents at bath & body works so I bought a few on sale for them. I'm not normally a "smell like food" person, but I've been going at that gingerbread latte body spray like no tomorrow! Also using some scented candles (safely and in the morning usually - I am a bit of a scatterbrain still so I can't be falling asleep with candles). Lightens my mood.
Clean and declutter - usually end up doing this anyway before decorating the house. We celebrate Christmas, but I'm not decorating every corner this year. I have some cute small holiday cookie jars and such. With the LED candles next to them, calming, glowing little Christmas shrines are created here and there. Much easier than miles of electric cords and surge protectors!
Holiday music - love it, I've been tuning the radio to the stations that go 24 hour holiday music up until Christmas day. I have trouble crying sometimes but if I hear Nat King Cole or Aaron Neville, well forget it, good cry is had LOL!
Acknowledge the progress I've made - There was a time a year ago where my life was in total chaos, emotionally, financially. Things are better this year. I am not all the way there but I have made progress. When money gets funny, I do the math and find a way to get there from here. It's better than just hoping things magically get better. Life is much better with a plan.
Hot chocolate K-cups - my daughter's therapist has a Keurig in her office waiting room. We usually have to take the bus home, so we've come up with a ritual of brewing a cup of hot chocolate for the wait at the bus stop
The k-cups are pricey, but much cheaper than stopping at a coffee shop.December isn't always kind and peaceful, but I hope everyone can find a little peace and joy here and there!
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