Not Sure if this is Off Topic
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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Does sound like typical narcissist dynamics. It's all about them. You can lose yourself in that for sure. But now, it's about you. You are liberated from that, except for having to interact because of your son.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by letitend 
Nata - I do feel like it is a parada and a charade with the both of them. I literally watched what I have seen so many times in their dynamic but a 'new person' was inserted. I became part of a vortex that just felt obscure and weird after it was over. I felt violated, in a way.
My ex MIL just e-mailed me about ex of 20 years ago and how she was visiting ex sister-in-law and how she and her kids are so lovely (she happens to be sister-in-laws sister). And this is when we are divorced. Good heavens....
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
Yes, when I took him back after being broken up a year, it wasn't because I wanted it initially. His mom suggested it because she had been paying his rent for the entire year he was gone. It was supposed to be temporary. In the end, I suppose it was temporary as he is gone again.
He moved back in for a year. But, he was always so butt hurt over me having been single and dating, that he would throw it up alot. He constantly accused me of cheating. I never physically cheated on him. At the end of our relationship, I formed some online friendships on a game that I play, and he would freak out every time I talked to anyone. So much stuff, really. He was never really nice to me after moving back. It feels like he is parading the new gf around to spite me, tbh. Except I am a completely different person and don't harass him and wish him ill will as he did me. He honestly made my life he77 everytime I went out on a date. He knew because most of the time, he'd be watching our son and he would be able to tell by the way I was dressed or what not when I dropped him off to be watched.
I honestly never paraded any man in front of him. Never even brought them around when my son was home, never when he was in the vicinity of a drop off or whatever. I didn't show him pictures of the guys I was getting serious with. One guy I really liked was very irritated with his behaviour and didn't believe we weren't together because of the way he hounded me. So, all in all, I am happy he has a new gf because I get left alone. He has said a couple things that felt like he was trying to lead me on or give me false hope. However, that doesn't work on me because I don't want him back, ever.
His mom is just gross. She is a tacky alcoholic. My son is her only grandson and so she is just pushy about everything with him. I have learned to detach from it and just be thankful she does love my son. She spends a lot of time with him when she visits six times a year. I used to do a lot of things with her but when I realized how two-faced she is, I limited my contact with her alot. I know it bugs her that I am stand-offish but oh well. Every girl I have seen my xA's brother with runs from him. Alot of the reason is because of her. She is one of those fake type people who buys people's company. Then you realize how slimy she is and want nothing to do with her.
I am rambling so gonna shuddup.
Today turned out awesome. So peaceful and quiet. I really needed it. The Pacific was beautiful, with bright blue skies and a cool breeze while the temp hovered around 65. Perfect day for a walk.
He moved back in for a year. But, he was always so butt hurt over me having been single and dating, that he would throw it up alot. He constantly accused me of cheating. I never physically cheated on him. At the end of our relationship, I formed some online friendships on a game that I play, and he would freak out every time I talked to anyone. So much stuff, really. He was never really nice to me after moving back. It feels like he is parading the new gf around to spite me, tbh. Except I am a completely different person and don't harass him and wish him ill will as he did me. He honestly made my life he77 everytime I went out on a date. He knew because most of the time, he'd be watching our son and he would be able to tell by the way I was dressed or what not when I dropped him off to be watched.
I honestly never paraded any man in front of him. Never even brought them around when my son was home, never when he was in the vicinity of a drop off or whatever. I didn't show him pictures of the guys I was getting serious with. One guy I really liked was very irritated with his behaviour and didn't believe we weren't together because of the way he hounded me. So, all in all, I am happy he has a new gf because I get left alone. He has said a couple things that felt like he was trying to lead me on or give me false hope. However, that doesn't work on me because I don't want him back, ever.
His mom is just gross. She is a tacky alcoholic. My son is her only grandson and so she is just pushy about everything with him. I have learned to detach from it and just be thankful she does love my son. She spends a lot of time with him when she visits six times a year. I used to do a lot of things with her but when I realized how two-faced she is, I limited my contact with her alot. I know it bugs her that I am stand-offish but oh well. Every girl I have seen my xA's brother with runs from him. Alot of the reason is because of her. She is one of those fake type people who buys people's company. Then you realize how slimy she is and want nothing to do with her.
I am rambling so gonna shuddup.
Today turned out awesome. So peaceful and quiet. I really needed it. The Pacific was beautiful, with bright blue skies and a cool breeze while the temp hovered around 65. Perfect day for a walk.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Ramble on my friend!
You walk sounds amazing!
Nice - she gave you the gift of her son back
Mine is trying - every time I mention the logistics issues with DS - ex MIL asks if I want him back
Keep in mind you are giving him ammunition by sharing your personal life.
Interfering with the dates - oh yeah, once my XAH caught a wind that I may be going on a date - I never said that just confirmed his visit with DS a few times because I had an event - he not only showed up without supervisor, but actually left half way through the visit citing "urgent plans" in his side. This is coming from a guy who works like 10 hours a week (not working now - school is on break), and have not seen his son for a month.
My ex MIL is a raging narcissists and I learned that a tiny bit of a praise can buy her loyalty. I totally use it to my advantage.
Lessons learned lately - do not rely on XAH for his visits, continue to praise ex MIL excessively - for mine and DS personal gain. You can definitely get more bees with honey, but I strive to keep all my personal details private - none of their business. Let them guess if they so desire
You walk sounds amazing!
Nice - she gave you the gift of her son back
Mine is trying - every time I mention the logistics issues with DS - ex MIL asks if I want him back
Keep in mind you are giving him ammunition by sharing your personal life.
Interfering with the dates - oh yeah, once my XAH caught a wind that I may be going on a date - I never said that just confirmed his visit with DS a few times because I had an event - he not only showed up without supervisor, but actually left half way through the visit citing "urgent plans" in his side. This is coming from a guy who works like 10 hours a week (not working now - school is on break), and have not seen his son for a month.
My ex MIL is a raging narcissists and I learned that a tiny bit of a praise can buy her loyalty. I totally use it to my advantage.
Lessons learned lately - do not rely on XAH for his visits, continue to praise ex MIL excessively - for mine and DS personal gain. You can definitely get more bees with honey, but I strive to keep all my personal details private - none of their business. Let them guess if they so desire
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
I just wanted to say that I identify SO much with your original post, and I really appreciate you putting that into words because I'm still in the stage where I'm sorting through the rubble, and sometimes it's hard to articulate what I'm feeling or experiencing.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
Tropical Winter - I am editing my first post because I just read that you STBX is in the STB category. I didn't know that. Keep reading my friend. I have come here alot over the years. I had another sign-in but got paranoid about using it. But, if you are anything like me, the end of the relationship, was a long time coming. My xA seems to be putting on a good show for the new gf, and I guess, why wouldn't he. Personally, after what I went thru, I would have ran out the door fast as I could as soon as I learned that 1. his gf had left him for being a mooch 2. his gf had left him because he drank too much and then I witnessed him fall flat on his face after a work event 3. learned he needed a breathalyzer in his car for 18 months in order to drive the broken down car he drives around that is basically missing 2nd gear while lurching down the street. That is just me and my own experiences. Also, the good old lesson what comes around, goes around always does seem to show up eventually.
Nata - when I do start dating again, I can assure you that the ex will not know about it. I am so not at that point yet. I am enjoying my alone time way too much to invite anyone into it. The x has been pretty consistent with taking DS overnight at least one night during the weekend. Yesterday I had a fantastic time all by myself. In fact, my mom kept calling me and it was starting to irk me. I just wanted to be left alone in silence.
If either of you ladies ever want to talk beyond SR, please shoot me a message in here. Nata - you and I share the same narcisstic, loser men. Tropical Winter - you and I seem to be in the same phase of our plights. I love people, so honestly, feel free to reach out.
Current goals are to get thru the holidays, keep exercising, keep getting mentally and physically healthy. I signed up for a few Meetup groups and am going to get out next year and start meeting some friends. I am going to concentrate on meeting women and platonic friends as I truly do not want a man in my life right now. I think I have said that like 3 times already, haha.
Nata - when I do start dating again, I can assure you that the ex will not know about it. I am so not at that point yet. I am enjoying my alone time way too much to invite anyone into it. The x has been pretty consistent with taking DS overnight at least one night during the weekend. Yesterday I had a fantastic time all by myself. In fact, my mom kept calling me and it was starting to irk me. I just wanted to be left alone in silence.
If either of you ladies ever want to talk beyond SR, please shoot me a message in here. Nata - you and I share the same narcisstic, loser men. Tropical Winter - you and I seem to be in the same phase of our plights. I love people, so honestly, feel free to reach out.
Current goals are to get thru the holidays, keep exercising, keep getting mentally and physically healthy. I signed up for a few Meetup groups and am going to get out next year and start meeting some friends. I am going to concentrate on meeting women and platonic friends as I truly do not want a man in my life right now. I think I have said that like 3 times already, haha.
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