What a night - not so peaceful....
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
What a night - not so peaceful....
Well I don't even know where to start....I guess I should say that even with my day unfolding the way it did I was able to enjoy some quality time with the girls last night.
So we all know the first hospital released him and then he called to come home and I said no, etc. Fast forward to about 8:30, and I get a call from the 2nd hospital. It's my AH, my stomach sinks, "they are probably going to release me". **sigh** I just couldn't believe it. I said you still can't come home, we both agreed you would find a place to go when you left this morning. Then I got "well where am I supposed to go, sleep in the street". I say "no, you have a credit card, get a taxi and find a hotel but you can't come home"..... in the meantime I had a conversation with the psych doctor who told me that yes he is certainly an alcoholic but he just doesn't fit the criteria for us to admit him on our unit. He is not showing any signs of trying to harm himself or psychotic so they can't keep him. He gives me a few places to call to see if they would take him.
Okay - at my wits end, and now in tears, I called a place that is open 24 hours and would take him anytime. Oh the heavens opened. I waited for him to call me back to tell me he was being released to let him know the address to for the taxi driver. No call, so I went to bed because I figured the hospital was going to keep him for observation, maybe.
20 minutes later my 80 lb dog is going crazy barking. Woke the entire house up - guess who is standing outside. He took a taxi home..... As I open the door I he says "I need my keys". I said well I have a place for you they will take you tonight - and I get "No, I am going to a hotel". I can see he is pissed, so again I say "There is a place that will take you tonight"..... no response, "where are my keys". I tell him and off he goes with a "you left me in the cold". Boy or boy my blood boiled! I followed him outside and said "you left us weeks ago when you decided to sauce it up again!" By this time my youngest daughter is very upset (obviously) and runs outside to give daddy a hug. Off he goes and off we go to bed.....end of story - nope.....
In my exhaustion I did not lock my glass door OR latch my big door and my so called 80 lb "watch dog" did not even whimper when dad came home in the middle of the night - again!!!! He didn't wake anyone and slept in his chair but imagine my surprise to SEE him in his chair. After my mini-heart attack I became pissed off. Well he told me that today was his new beginning and he was going to the place I told him about. Sure, I thought. To make sure there was "no reason" to stay behind I started the laundry and made sure all the dishes were picked up, etc. That way he could not use that (because he does) as an excuse to leave - well I have been doing laundry, etc.... All of that was done before I left this morning.
My teenager blew past him this morning and said not one word to him , nothing. I guess after last night she had said enough. Because she heard him say to me "quit harassing me" and she flew out of her room and said "don't talk to my mom that way - she has been trying to help you ALL DAY". He just looked at her and didn't say a word. I told her to calm down and to please go back to her room. He left right after that anyway.
My plan was in motion because I made arrangements for my oldest daughter not to be home after school just in case his "tomorrow" was post-poned. However, I already knew that if it was post-poned I was going to ask him to just leave because we cannot live with him right now, even if he was not drinking, we need a break.
Just so he knew I was still not giving in before I leave for work I say, "let me know when you are leaving and you might want to call and find out if you can even drive your car there because it being in a place where parking is limited..." then I left.
I did hear from him later and he took care of personal business and called a taxi and that's it.....he's gone. Now, weather he is at the detox / rehab center I don't know but I know he left his keys behind and a taxi drove him off - my good ole neighbor text me...
So we all know the first hospital released him and then he called to come home and I said no, etc. Fast forward to about 8:30, and I get a call from the 2nd hospital. It's my AH, my stomach sinks, "they are probably going to release me". **sigh** I just couldn't believe it. I said you still can't come home, we both agreed you would find a place to go when you left this morning. Then I got "well where am I supposed to go, sleep in the street". I say "no, you have a credit card, get a taxi and find a hotel but you can't come home"..... in the meantime I had a conversation with the psych doctor who told me that yes he is certainly an alcoholic but he just doesn't fit the criteria for us to admit him on our unit. He is not showing any signs of trying to harm himself or psychotic so they can't keep him. He gives me a few places to call to see if they would take him.
Okay - at my wits end, and now in tears, I called a place that is open 24 hours and would take him anytime. Oh the heavens opened. I waited for him to call me back to tell me he was being released to let him know the address to for the taxi driver. No call, so I went to bed because I figured the hospital was going to keep him for observation, maybe.
20 minutes later my 80 lb dog is going crazy barking. Woke the entire house up - guess who is standing outside. He took a taxi home..... As I open the door I he says "I need my keys". I said well I have a place for you they will take you tonight - and I get "No, I am going to a hotel". I can see he is pissed, so again I say "There is a place that will take you tonight"..... no response, "where are my keys". I tell him and off he goes with a "you left me in the cold". Boy or boy my blood boiled! I followed him outside and said "you left us weeks ago when you decided to sauce it up again!" By this time my youngest daughter is very upset (obviously) and runs outside to give daddy a hug. Off he goes and off we go to bed.....end of story - nope.....
In my exhaustion I did not lock my glass door OR latch my big door and my so called 80 lb "watch dog" did not even whimper when dad came home in the middle of the night - again!!!! He didn't wake anyone and slept in his chair but imagine my surprise to SEE him in his chair. After my mini-heart attack I became pissed off. Well he told me that today was his new beginning and he was going to the place I told him about. Sure, I thought. To make sure there was "no reason" to stay behind I started the laundry and made sure all the dishes were picked up, etc. That way he could not use that (because he does) as an excuse to leave - well I have been doing laundry, etc.... All of that was done before I left this morning.
My teenager blew past him this morning and said not one word to him , nothing. I guess after last night she had said enough. Because she heard him say to me "quit harassing me" and she flew out of her room and said "don't talk to my mom that way - she has been trying to help you ALL DAY". He just looked at her and didn't say a word. I told her to calm down and to please go back to her room. He left right after that anyway.
My plan was in motion because I made arrangements for my oldest daughter not to be home after school just in case his "tomorrow" was post-poned. However, I already knew that if it was post-poned I was going to ask him to just leave because we cannot live with him right now, even if he was not drinking, we need a break.
Just so he knew I was still not giving in before I leave for work I say, "let me know when you are leaving and you might want to call and find out if you can even drive your car there because it being in a place where parking is limited..." then I left.
I did hear from him later and he took care of personal business and called a taxi and that's it.....he's gone. Now, weather he is at the detox / rehab center I don't know but I know he left his keys behind and a taxi drove him off - my good ole neighbor text me...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Oy vey. Sorry for the sleepless night. Unbelievable what they think they are entitled to.
I'm so, so proud of you, though. And your daughter, too.
Whatever the nitwit does, I hope you get some space to BREATHE.
I'm so, so proud of you, though. And your daughter, too.
Whatever the nitwit does, I hope you get some space to BREATHE.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I guess I'm really not too surprised that he's testing your boundaries here, and I can imagine the shock you felt at finding him there this morning after everything yesterday.
((((((STAY STRONG))))))
((((((STAY STRONG))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Even with Alanon under my belt I have never stuck to boundaries. I was no better than my AH - did a lot of talking but never took action. This is really the first time I took any action. And maybe because I am tired, maybe I want my girls to know I will not put up with the bad behavior and hope they never do either or maybe it's because I don't have family here and there is really no where for any of us to go..... I don't know what my drive is I just know I need a break!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Just keep focusing on the Next Right Thing. I imagine your adrenalin is running overtime & your emotions are in an uproar. Even sleep isn't the same during these crisis points, IMO, I fall into an exhausted deadzone but never really seem to feel rested.
I like keeping my Recovery Checklist handy for times like this - it reminds me about things like getting enough water/vitamins/sleep, remembering things like HALT, etc.
Don't forget YOUR oxygen mask first!
I like keeping my Recovery Checklist handy for times like this - it reminds me about things like getting enough water/vitamins/sleep, remembering things like HALT, etc.
Don't forget YOUR oxygen mask first!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You're doing great. As FireSprite says, "the next right thing." You're in the midst of the worst of it right now. Whether he goes to rehab or not, things will calm down shortly, as long as you maintain those very reasonable boundaries. He's forfeited his right to be with the family right now. I think you are modeling excellent behavior for your girls.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
knowthe triggers....just keep that door locked at all times! He has the ability to always go to a hotel....and, there are shelters, and many a person has slept under a bridge, until they decided to get sober.....
Stay strong and don't fall for any of his sob stories......
He has options...just ones that he doesn't want to take...
Stay strong and don't fall for any of his sob stories......
He has options...just ones that he doesn't want to take...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You might want to check with a lawyer about locking him out of the house. It could be problematic from a legal standpoint. Given his noises about your "harassing" him, you don't want to find yourself on the wrong end of a protective order. That shouldn't happen, but better to get advice now than have to untangle a mess later.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 527
I liked what dandylion said about boundaries being tested. After I left, I realize now that STBXAH was testing boundaries,- texting me- I stopped responding to the texts- then calling- and I didn't pick up- and 3 emails later that I have not responded to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Ugg hang in there. If I woke up to someone expected in my chair, I think they may have had my baseball bat to their knees before I even realized who ti was lol.
I hope your evening tonight is better. You are doing just fine, boundaries are difficult anyway, and especially when we are changing longstanding patterns. It WILL change though....I have no doubt you can enforce them!
I hope your evening tonight is better. You are doing just fine, boundaries are difficult anyway, and especially when we are changing longstanding patterns. It WILL change though....I have no doubt you can enforce them!
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