Sad&Tired

Hi all, My name is Jaylen and I'm new to this board. I am the wife of an alcoholic and a mother of two small children.
I have been married for 10 years and my husband's drinking is getting worse in my opinion. He doesn't seem to think he has a problem, but I'm pretty positive our situation is not normal.
I am just so tired of not knowing what the day is going to be like. Is he going to come home drunk, get drunk here and get mean. My children are very young and I am tired of them seeing their parents fight.
So, just leave right? I've tried, nothing works. I am a full time student and can't afford to live on my own. I am a loss as far as what to do.
Thanks for listening....

Patchwork quilt

Do you have any family/friends that you could stay with temporarily or in case of an emergency?
It's horrible to be in such a spot.
I left my son's father for the same reasons you mention but I am fortunate in that I am in a situation where I could move on my own. Family and friends at the time were a great support system and offered their homes which is I ask about family/friends.
This is incredibly hard...I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Sad&Tired

Thanks for your concern. I have been in some awful situations, but have managed to come out ok. I'm just so tired of the lies, broken promises, etc. I'm sure you all have heard this before. IF I really needed to, I could stay with my parents. The kids love him so much and he is a wonderful father when he's not drinking. He's got so much anger inside of him because of a horrible childhood and guilt he carries from each time he "screws" up with his drinking. It's a never-ending cycle.

I just need to vent and hear that I'm not the only one that has had to go through this nightmare.

Patchwork quilt

I'm new to this community too but I've gotten great support and responses in only one day : )
You are not alone...
Sometimes just venting and realizing that there are others who have been through what you're going through (there are) and have come out on the other side okay helps.
I'm glad you have a safe place to go/take your children just in case.
Of course an alcoholic can be a wonderful person...isn't that why we love them/marry them?

Sad&Tired

Yeah, you're right. It is why I married him and why I've stayed. It just seems like the reasons to stay are diminishing and the reasons to go are building each day.

JT

Sad...your kids don't have to see their parents fight if you don't participate. It takes two...

Welcome!
JT

Rose56

S&T, welcome to the board. I understand where you are as I was there many years myself. I encourage you to go to alanon meetings in your area. THis will be a big help. I agree with JT, with the help of alanon, you can learn not to participate in the fights. I know that sounds impossible now, you think but I can't let him get away with the sh*i etc. The more you learn about alcoholism and how it affects you, the easier it will be to let the fights go. I am married to an alcoholic for 20 years, and yes he is still drinking, but the last 3 years have been much better. It does work, I promise.

WHYOWHY

Hello & welcome .......

You are DEFINETLY not alone................
I am also pretty new to this site & just being able to read , write & share here has helped me SO much.

WHYOWHY

hI again I did want to mention one thing that sent up a red flag for me when I read your 2nd post (and I have also read it in several other posts by other members)
When people say "but he is such a wonderful father ..when he is not drinking"

I say BULLSH**
I KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY.......but genererally speaking -
Someone who can't be counted on ....and is unpredictable....is NOT a wonderful Father.
You can't earn the title of "WONDERFUL PARENT" in my opinion......if it is only "part - time"
It may be easier for little children...but when they get older........believe me...they don't think it is "Wonderful" to have a dad that "might" be sober .
There will come a time when they will need him for something ...and he will be drunk ...and they will feel very confused.
Children need consistancy from their parents.
An alcoholic can NEVER provide that for his children.
Of course...the Mother will usually "cover up" for him.
"Don't bother Daddy right now..he's sick"...or whatever .

Bottom line here (and sorry to be so negative - I mean it to be helpful)
Just consider what I have said & maybe Re-think just how " Wonderful " of a Father...he really is......

P.S. (I speak from personal experience - having grown up with an Alcoholic Father )

cwohio

s&t - yes you have come to a great place! it does help to have a place to discuss, vent etc. none of the "tactics" that we use/used before we begin to understand the disease and get on with OUR recovery will work. do read other information on this site and consider the suggestions of those who posted above (al-anon, reading material).

i have known/been married to my ah for 21 years and have just started my recovery several months ago. the tools mentioned above have helped me to cope and change ME - that's the only thing i can change.

good luck, welcome and hugs to you - cwohio

Gracey

You have come to a great place to find that you are not alone in this nightmare.....

There are alot of wonderful people here and understand what you are going through....I have been practicing working on me....

When I first started in recovery......I thought everyone was crazy........I am not the alcoholic.....there is nothing wrong with me he is the freak.........What I did know is that my life was unmanageable.....and I couldnt live like this anymore.....so I started attending alanon meetings, reading (Co-dependent No more by Melodie Beatie) as much as I could.......and coming here. It is hard to keep the focus on me, but that is my goal......to focus on my behavior and my reactions.....I have learned that I dont have to be a part of his chaos.......I dont have to focus on him.......I have learned that I need to let him be him.....

Things in my life couldnt have gotten much worse.......I was opened to any thing to get my life manageable......I am struggling everyday.....but it is getting better....