Words of Encouragement for Boss?
 

Hi F&F!

I have been a member of SR for a few years now and (thank God) have now been sober for nearly 4 years :)

I heard from my boss at work this morning that he won't be in this week at all - on Friday his wife was taken into hospital and it turns out that she has pancreatitis and that this has most probably arisen due to drinking half a bottle of brandy on a daily basis for many months / years. I am 'fortunate' that my boss is very trusting of me - he asked me to let the other partners at the firm I work know that he wouldn't be in and to just give the reason as his wife being in hospital with pancreatitis, but not to say the likely reason why, which I have done.

My question is - do any of you have any suggestions for words of encouragement or hope that I could perhaps pass on to him?

I know many other alcoholics who have survived pancreatitis and my boss knows I continue to be an 'active' member of AA (and, quite frankly, I possibly only still have a job because he knew the 'struggles' I was going through and, it appears, he recognised the illness through a very close to home situation), but I also know the 'crazy' mindset that many alcoholics have and how difficult it can be to get and remain sober, so I just don't know what might possibly help him right now.

Any advice or examples would be most welcome :)

Hi FG, congratulations on your sobriety. I wanted your name when I joined but it was already taken :)
I'd say fairly neutral comments which he can respond to as fully as he wants to. If he does open up, try not to say much, just listen.

Thanks FeelingGreat - my original name had been feeling-down, so it was a relief to be able to change it to feeling-good. Thanks for your advice - I am pretty good at just listening so will take that on board :)

Does he know about Al-Anon? That was a lifeline for me when my second husband was hospitalized with liver/kidney failure due to drinking. I'm sure he's been dealing with a lot of insanity and chaos in his life, and you could simply mention that Al-Anon is a great group for family and friends affected by someone else's drinking--maybe look up the number for the local office, or check online for a list of meetings. There was actually a group that met at the hospital where my ex was being treated, so that's where I got started.

LexieCat - thanks, that's a good suggestion and I will think about letting him know. My heart aches for the chaos and insanity that he and his wife must have been living with. One of my fellow AAers is a member at Al-Anon as well so there is definitely a meeting in our area that I could suggest.

I sent a message to my boss with the time, date and place of a local Al-Anon meeting but I don't know if he has gone to it; he did get in touch with me yesterday to say that he and his wife are waiting for her to get an MRI scan done...

... goodness, it is hard 'being on the edge'. I will await any further news.

OK, you've done what you can. At this point you might want to step back unless he asks for further help or shares with you. Boundaries are important, and this is your boss (even if you are also friends). Just be careful about pushing to hard in an effort to help.

Thanks LexieCat - that is exactly what I am going to do :)

Just a little update - things are not looking very good for my boss's wife at all - she was transferred to High Dependency and then to Intensive Care as her kidney's are not functioning...

My boss is unlikely to be back in work for a little while I think.

I am grasping some of the feelings of complete uselessness from the outside that others must have had about my 'active' period of alcoholism / my periods of time in hospital - and it is not nice, for sure.

Those inclined, please offer up a little prayer :)

Sorry to hear everyone is struggling right now. FWIW, my second husband almost died of kidney and liver failure. He was close to death for a couple of weeks but turned around and when he was well enough for a biopsy it turned out he had EARLY cirrhosis and would be fine if he never drank again. Sadly, he went back to it a few months later. The point is, there is hope--prayers out for your boss and his wife.

Prayers sent - it's so, so sad.

it was quite an eye opener for me to be in the shoes on the other side.

now its time to stop kikin yourself in the arse about it.
hold your head up and say,"yup, that USED to be me. and thank God im not that person any more."

Thanks everyone - got some better news yesterday that her kidney function and lung function was improved as a result of some dialysis, so keeping all crossed that this continues :)

And... some sad news in that my boss's mother in law died over the weekend :(

It's definitely a tough time for my boss and his family.

THat's awful. Peace to them.

Thanks firebolt.

I heard some more sad news today - a relatively old client of the firm I work for came in today to say that he had been diagnosed with cancer and that he didn't have 'long left' to live - the tears were in his eyes and in mine too.

I never thought in a million years that working in my profession would bring so much real-life heartache (I am an accountant); after 13 or 14 years dealing with (many being the same) clients at this firm, it is very hard to hear and experience the losses that occur. I never had the same connection with clients in my former workplace (I dealt with 'much larger' clients there).

I am grateful I never went into the medical profession (which was one field I had thought of) as I think I would find the sadness that can come with dealing with patients really hard to bear.

Latest update is that the boss's wife's kidneys are still not functioning (properly? / at all?) so the plan is to get a portable dialysis machine put in place to enable her to be released from hospital, but that might take a few weeks...

... it sounds to me that things are, medically speaking, being managed, but also pretty desperate....

... it is not clear how much the kidney element is related to her drinking (if at all?!)... meanwhile, my boss popped in very briefly to collect something and looked tired and stressed.

Good thoughts with all the friends and family :grouphug:

Little update; I believe that the boss's wife was discharged from hospital before Christmas and will have to visit hospital three times a week for dialysis (it wasn't a portable machine she was 'getting installed' but probably a 'port') more or less indefinitely.

On the day after she was discharged her mother's funeral took place, followed by our office Christmas lunch / party (which my boss came along to for just the lunch).

Our office is closed between Christmas and New Year so I won't find out anymore until next week.

I hope that everyone here had a peaceful and non-eventful Christmas. I had a nice, sober time :)