OT ish... Tween behavior and comparing me to xAH

Old 11-21-2016, 04:10 PM
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OT ish... Tween behavior and comparing me to xAH

God help me (seriously) with this one...

My usually sweet and responsible 11 yr old, has been bit hard by the hormonal bug and is a nightmare of late... Literally unrecognizable at times and I am at my WITS end.

Asking her if she has homework, how her day was, or to put her coat away (as opposed to throwing it on whatever surface she finds) is all it takes to open the floodgates for tears, muttering, yelling, insults, eye rolling etc...

Tonight, one of her sassy responses (while overtired, over hungry, and generally behaving unreasonably) was to tell me "Daddy is right, you are a bitch".

And as soon as she said it she started to cry and said sorry and said she did not know why she said it and ran upstairs.

Can someone with kids older than this tell me if this Jekyll/Hyde nonsense ends at some point?

I can not even formulate sentences to describe what I am thinking/feeling bc I am so fed up with this rollercoaster...

I guess Im seeking some solace in hearing that others have been through the wringer with hormone crazed kids and survived it....
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:21 PM
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welcome to parenting a teenager.

be prepared for doors getting slammed in your face, hearing them scream I HATE YOU, and all kinds of fun stuff.

while the behavior is not "acceptable" and should not be simply ignored, some of it is just the awful tween process. when she calms down, just go in and sit with her. don't prod or pry. tell her you love her, always. make her some cocoa.
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:57 PM
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Yes, it passes, but often takes longer than our tolerance level can bear. Puberty age girls are like aliens from another planet, but it upsets them too.

Whoever tells their daughter that their puberty and all that comes with it, is the wonderful part of becoming a woman...ought to have their tongue ripped out. Nothing wonderful about it.

Hang in there mama, find your own space for when you need it and encourage her to talk about it when she can manage to sit still for a half hour.
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:59 PM
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Thank you so much!

I just needed to hear that neither of us were outside the realm of what we all experience as daughters and mothers of daughters (or fathers of daughters) during adolescence....

Sometimes, given the history with the girls dad, my xAH, I tend to worry overly so, that any out of the normal range of behavior is a red flag of crazy filtering down to a new generation...

Good to know it's just good old, teenage hell
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Old 11-21-2016, 05:01 PM
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I used to get threats that they'd go live with Dad (when I knew darn well that wasn't going to happen).

I have two boys (now 16 and 14), but the combination of tweenhood and our divorce/missing dad situation made it a pretty rough go for a while.

For a while there, DS would get angry with me, then angrier that I wouldn't engage and fight with him, then apologetic that he tried to fight, then repeat all over again. It was exhausting and I never knew what to do. But when I say exhausting...that doesn't do justice to how much it incredibly saps you of your emotional energy...

They DID come through it, and we have an amazing relationship.

Try to let it roll off, forgive, understand, and just be around when the quiet comes. She doesn't mean it.

And you probably already knew XAH was saying these things, so don't let that bug you (even though him saying it to her probably really ticks you off). Sometimes when my kids yelled thugs like that, it was because they couldn't contain the crap he was saying and almost needed to get it out...even if it came out horribly.

It does get much, much better!!!
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Old 11-21-2016, 05:01 PM
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Oh and I should add, that after the storming upstairs after calling me all sorts of names, she is currently asleep in my bed, with her stuffed puppy she's had since she was a baby and with her blanket she denies keeping but still sleeps with (also that she has had since she was a baby)....

I went up to chat with her to see if she wanted to hang for a bit once she had calmed down and found her looking angelic, sound asleep, with these remnants of her early childhood years, which lately seem like a whole other lifetime ago.
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Old 11-21-2016, 06:52 PM
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Sometimes for kicks, I read the journal entries I wrote in middle school. The journal was a orange spiral bound notebook adorned with scratch and sniff stickers.

The mortification I feel as I read the writings of tweenage monster avenges the undeserved angst I gave my parents.
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:18 PM
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I don't know which is more difficult: the "tweens" or the teens. I remember myself as a tween and I was a big smart mouth at school and stuff and I was generally thought of as one of the good kids with a very stable home life. I actually feel sorry for our teachers, looking back on it. I think kids are definitely more likely to 'act out' when things aren't going so smooth on the home front, and/or if there is discord between mom and dad. Shame on your hubby for bad-mouthing you to her. That is unacceptable. Sending you are big hug. Hang in there. Sometimes your kids will treat you like you are a big bad monster just for setting some limits and putting reasonable expectations on them. No matter what they say or how they act, they DO need you to be consistent.
Sending you strength.
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Old 11-22-2016, 11:44 AM
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Hello! It's been a while, I hope you are doing well!

Yikes, do I understand. I have an 11 and 17 year old. The 11 year old is mature both physically and mentally. She goes through the gamut of emotions on a regular basis.

The older dd did too, but not until about age 12. I can happily report, it does get better!!! I promise! For my older DD, it got better pretty quickly actually. Thank goodness!

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