Can anyone tell me what I just experienced!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 16
Can anyone tell me what I just experienced!
Hello,
I'm hoping, from those more familair with alcoholics than I am, that someone may be able to shed light on a recent relationship I've ended.
We met through a single's social group. We are both 41. He was very upfront about his alcohol problem. But he said he was recovered and no longer drank. I judge people on who they are today, not who they were in the past, so as long as he was sober, and not a dry drunk, I was okay with the past drinking problem.
We began a friendship to start, which grew from there into an intimate relationship, over the last few months. It ended yesterday with him being served a 72 hour police order.
The last few months have been the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. Initially, I believed the "don't drink", but then, I would experience unusual and erratic behaviour from him. Ever so slowly it became clear he was drinking again. I had no tangible evidence until about six weeks ago, when we were at his house and I caught the smell of alcohol and asked if he'd been drinking. He hadn't been drinking, he was drunk. He told me he "felt the urge coming in, and he should have told me, but he didn't know how, and he was all good, and it wouldn't happen again).
I cut things off there, because, honestly, the last thing I want and need is that. I said I would remain friends with him. That lasted about a week! Then lather, rinse and repeat, for a few more weeks, until yesterday's drama.
I discovered yesterday that he's been in a LDR with a woman in another country for three years, and is planning on moving to her as soon as the logistics sort out.
Upon my discovery I asked him to leave, we were at my house. For the first time, we had been drinking together. I need to be clear around how that happened, I'm a very rarely drinker. I decided to have a few vodkas, he drank the rest and a good portion of gin, straight, and without my knowledge, I found out after, and of course because I had been drinking I didn't smell it in him as I had previously done.
He left, but then returned a while later, and I wouldn't let him in. He shouted at my door for some time, banged in all my windows, but it was that COMBINED with what he was saying that had me call the police.
He was saying he was worried I had killed myself and he was calling the police to come check on me, and a whole bunch of other nonsensical stuff, and has since messaged several of our friends and said the same thing, claiming it is over between us now, I won't get the message, and am losing the plot. Basically.
One of the first things I did, was to get in touch with the woman who he's in a LDR with, who I knew of, but not the details of their relationship.
She was sure he wasn't drinking, and we swapped stories for a while. My last update from her is she's trying to sort things out with him.
There seems to be a perpetual lack of things making sense in this mans life. Over the time I've known him, he's
- lost custody of his daughter.
- He has lost his job.
- Every time I have visited his house, it is in more and more disrepair.
- He's lost weight.
- Had falling outs with people.
- He said once his house was broken into and all the food stolen.
- He threw metal screws up once, with no explanation of how they entered his stomach.
- recently his gas was disconnected
- he won a trip to Thailand
- periods where he vanishes for hours at a time,
- things I've told him he doesn't remember (like recently when I had car issues and was without a car for a few days)
He insists that he is not drinking!
Please, halp!
Can drinking alter the brain to the point where they're living a reality that is not happening? Where did this stuff about me killing myself come from, and why is he now telling people I'm psychotic?
I received some very mean messages from him before he was visited by the police, and during the week had said I wanted to cut contact because he was drinking and I couldn't watch him destroy himself. Although I have cut contact several times for a various reasons, he's always instigated it, and he has claimed he's in love with me many times, and I'm the one he's been waiting for for years.
Really? What about the LDR then!
It's all so bizarre. My head is scrambled trying to piece everything back into a new picture, now I have some more context.
Any insight into this experience would be gratefully appreciated. TIA
I'm hoping, from those more familair with alcoholics than I am, that someone may be able to shed light on a recent relationship I've ended.
We met through a single's social group. We are both 41. He was very upfront about his alcohol problem. But he said he was recovered and no longer drank. I judge people on who they are today, not who they were in the past, so as long as he was sober, and not a dry drunk, I was okay with the past drinking problem.
We began a friendship to start, which grew from there into an intimate relationship, over the last few months. It ended yesterday with him being served a 72 hour police order.
The last few months have been the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. Initially, I believed the "don't drink", but then, I would experience unusual and erratic behaviour from him. Ever so slowly it became clear he was drinking again. I had no tangible evidence until about six weeks ago, when we were at his house and I caught the smell of alcohol and asked if he'd been drinking. He hadn't been drinking, he was drunk. He told me he "felt the urge coming in, and he should have told me, but he didn't know how, and he was all good, and it wouldn't happen again).
I cut things off there, because, honestly, the last thing I want and need is that. I said I would remain friends with him. That lasted about a week! Then lather, rinse and repeat, for a few more weeks, until yesterday's drama.
I discovered yesterday that he's been in a LDR with a woman in another country for three years, and is planning on moving to her as soon as the logistics sort out.
Upon my discovery I asked him to leave, we were at my house. For the first time, we had been drinking together. I need to be clear around how that happened, I'm a very rarely drinker. I decided to have a few vodkas, he drank the rest and a good portion of gin, straight, and without my knowledge, I found out after, and of course because I had been drinking I didn't smell it in him as I had previously done.
He left, but then returned a while later, and I wouldn't let him in. He shouted at my door for some time, banged in all my windows, but it was that COMBINED with what he was saying that had me call the police.
He was saying he was worried I had killed myself and he was calling the police to come check on me, and a whole bunch of other nonsensical stuff, and has since messaged several of our friends and said the same thing, claiming it is over between us now, I won't get the message, and am losing the plot. Basically.
One of the first things I did, was to get in touch with the woman who he's in a LDR with, who I knew of, but not the details of their relationship.
She was sure he wasn't drinking, and we swapped stories for a while. My last update from her is she's trying to sort things out with him.
There seems to be a perpetual lack of things making sense in this mans life. Over the time I've known him, he's
- lost custody of his daughter.
- He has lost his job.
- Every time I have visited his house, it is in more and more disrepair.
- He's lost weight.
- Had falling outs with people.
- He said once his house was broken into and all the food stolen.
- He threw metal screws up once, with no explanation of how they entered his stomach.
- recently his gas was disconnected
- he won a trip to Thailand
- periods where he vanishes for hours at a time,
- things I've told him he doesn't remember (like recently when I had car issues and was without a car for a few days)
He insists that he is not drinking!
Please, halp!
Can drinking alter the brain to the point where they're living a reality that is not happening? Where did this stuff about me killing myself come from, and why is he now telling people I'm psychotic?
I received some very mean messages from him before he was visited by the police, and during the week had said I wanted to cut contact because he was drinking and I couldn't watch him destroy himself. Although I have cut contact several times for a various reasons, he's always instigated it, and he has claimed he's in love with me many times, and I'm the one he's been waiting for for years.
Really? What about the LDR then!
It's all so bizarre. My head is scrambled trying to piece everything back into a new picture, now I have some more context.
Any insight into this experience would be gratefully appreciated. TIA
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
No clue, but the guy is a drunk, a liar, and abusive. That pretty much is all you need to know. Trying to figure it out is pretty much a waste of time. It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.
I'd cut off ALL contact with him for good, and if he persists, get another protective order. He sounds rather dangerous.
I'd cut off ALL contact with him for good, and if he persists, get another protective order. He sounds rather dangerous.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Liz- he is lying and unsafe and out of control Screws in his stomach-WT?
You need to keep safe. That he was having an o/s thing and manipulated you- go figure. It sounds like the only thing that is important to him is alcohol and he is out of control. You are not the good alcoholic fairy. He needs to deal with himself. Stay safe and don't get sucked in.
You need to keep safe. That he was having an o/s thing and manipulated you- go figure. It sounds like the only thing that is important to him is alcohol and he is out of control. You are not the good alcoholic fairy. He needs to deal with himself. Stay safe and don't get sucked in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 16
I know, lol, the screws in the stomach, WT! Indeed.
There's so many other examples of the bizarre this guy lugs around with him but I think the general jist has been conveyed.
He really is an alcoholic, huh.
I'm coming out of cognitive dissonance so my brain is sorting through so much stuff.
Thanks for the replies. Contact has been cut, he's blocked on social media, phones, emails etc. Something in the past I was reluctant to do, as I worried he'd hurt himself or- actually, I hoped... . go to AA?
Not my first experience with an alcoholic, but a very different experience that's been harder to break away from, and I'm not enjoying the reasons I'm discovering within, as to why that's been harder.
There's so many other examples of the bizarre this guy lugs around with him but I think the general jist has been conveyed.
He really is an alcoholic, huh.
I'm coming out of cognitive dissonance so my brain is sorting through so much stuff.
Thanks for the replies. Contact has been cut, he's blocked on social media, phones, emails etc. Something in the past I was reluctant to do, as I worried he'd hurt himself or- actually, I hoped... . go to AA?
Not my first experience with an alcoholic, but a very different experience that's been harder to break away from, and I'm not enjoying the reasons I'm discovering within, as to why that's been harder.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Sorry you are going through this but thankful you are protecting yourself. When I was with a family member who had all the signs of alcoholism/addiction I didn't care what if anything she was abusing. It was the behavior that I refused to deal with. Glad to see you feel the same way, breaking off contact with someone who is showing these dangerous, lying behaviors.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
synopsis - dude is nutso. doesn't matter WHY. and you are lucky to have escaped. if you must ponder "what happened" do so by asking yourself how you got sucked into his vortex and put up with such bizarre antics. so that you never make the same mistake again!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Can drinking alter the brain to the point where they're living a reality that is not happening?'
yes
" Where did this stuff about me killing myself come from, and why is he now telling people I'm psychotic? "
it came from a practicing alcoholic who has sunk pretty deep.
yes
" Where did this stuff about me killing myself come from, and why is he now telling people I'm psychotic? "
it came from a practicing alcoholic who has sunk pretty deep.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Isn't the fact he's dating another woman reason enough to call its quits?
I am SO sorry you are going through this. Perhaps you will take this opportunity to work on the reasons why you picked him?
Please keep coming back!
I am SO sorry you are going through this. Perhaps you will take this opportunity to work on the reasons why you picked him?
Please keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,984
Welcome Lizzy. I'm glad you found us.
He sounds like a typical alcoholic plus (the plus meaning he has some added issues). It does seem Alcoholics can come up with some crazy stuff to avoid looking at their own crap (most of us don't like to look at our own inside-yuck). Thinking of you a psychotic helps him avoid looking at himself.
I hope you have blocked him on phone and internet. Let us know how it goes.
He sounds like a typical alcoholic plus (the plus meaning he has some added issues). It does seem Alcoholics can come up with some crazy stuff to avoid looking at their own crap (most of us don't like to look at our own inside-yuck). Thinking of you a psychotic helps him avoid looking at himself.
I hope you have blocked him on phone and internet. Let us know how it goes.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
BLOCK this jerk -- times infinity!
Do not evereverever have or receive contact with him.
I'm not even sure what there is to doubt on this one. Dude is an alcoholic, lying, mentally disturbed man with, in my estimation, potential for violence.
He has some other woman in another country (not enough to stop contact?). That combined with the lying alcoholism plus the List of Crazy is just beyond.
Get off and stay off this roller coaster. Please.
Do not evereverever have or receive contact with him.
I'm not even sure what there is to doubt on this one. Dude is an alcoholic, lying, mentally disturbed man with, in my estimation, potential for violence.
He has some other woman in another country (not enough to stop contact?). That combined with the lying alcoholism plus the List of Crazy is just beyond.
Get off and stay off this roller coaster. Please.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 16
Thank you all for the replies.
If my questions sounded like I was doubting whether to have any more contact with him, my apologies. I think in my shock over the whole thing exploding, I didn't make that clear.
I called the police when he returned to my house, and they served him with a 72 hour restraining order. That expires tomorrow and then I can file for a two year order. I've ended things many times with him, and he always comes back, even when he's blocked on social media and on my phone etc, he finds a way to get in touch.
I got sucked into a vortex with a man who is very charming, skilled liar.
The way his reality is ordered is so shocking and foreign to me, it's difficult to believe it's true. I've had to be very diligent in reminding myself of the facts, which is why I jumped on here. I need an anchor point to a reality that isn't distorted and even though we had been drinking together he was saying to my face he hadn't been! (That was while he was still here and wouldn't leave)
Anyway, that's all story and it's not that it's unimportant, it's that it's not as important as the questions I need to ask: why did I ignore the signs etc etc etc.
Gah!
Thanks again everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to reply, and I'll be staying around for a while.
This isn't my first vortex. But if I want it to be the last, something has got to change.
If my questions sounded like I was doubting whether to have any more contact with him, my apologies. I think in my shock over the whole thing exploding, I didn't make that clear.
I called the police when he returned to my house, and they served him with a 72 hour restraining order. That expires tomorrow and then I can file for a two year order. I've ended things many times with him, and he always comes back, even when he's blocked on social media and on my phone etc, he finds a way to get in touch.
I got sucked into a vortex with a man who is very charming, skilled liar.
The way his reality is ordered is so shocking and foreign to me, it's difficult to believe it's true. I've had to be very diligent in reminding myself of the facts, which is why I jumped on here. I need an anchor point to a reality that isn't distorted and even though we had been drinking together he was saying to my face he hadn't been! (That was while he was still here and wouldn't leave)
Anyway, that's all story and it's not that it's unimportant, it's that it's not as important as the questions I need to ask: why did I ignore the signs etc etc etc.
Gah!
Thanks again everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to reply, and I'll be staying around for a while.
This isn't my first vortex. But if I want it to be the last, something has got to change.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 144
To sum it up he's a psychotic,drunk. That's it.
No contact and a restraining order would be good for YOU!
No contact and a restraining order would be good for YOU!
Originally Posted by Lizzy201 
Hello,
I'm hoping, from those more familair with alcoholics than I am, that someone may be able to shed light on a recent relationship I've ended.
We met through a single's social group. We are both 41. He was very upfront about his alcohol problem. But he said he was recovered and no longer drank. I judge people on who they are today, not who they were in the past, so as long as he was sober, and not a dry drunk, I was okay with the past drinking problem.
We began a friendship to start, which grew from there into an intimate relationship, over the last few months. It ended yesterday with him being served a 72 hour police order.
The last few months have been the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. Initially, I believed the "don't drink", but then, I would experience unusual and erratic behaviour from him. Ever so slowly it became clear he was drinking again. I had no tangible evidence until about six weeks ago, when we were at his house and I caught the smell of alcohol and asked if he'd been drinking. He hadn't been drinking, he was drunk. He told me he "felt the urge coming in, and he should have told me, but he didn't know how, and he was all good, and it wouldn't happen again).
I cut things off there, because, honestly, the last thing I want and need is that. I said I would remain friends with him. That lasted about a week! Then lather, rinse and repeat, for a few more weeks, until yesterday's drama.
I discovered yesterday that he's been in a LDR with a woman in another country for three years, and is planning on moving to her as soon as the logistics sort out.
Upon my discovery I asked him to leave, we were at my house. For the first time, we had been drinking together. I need to be clear around how that happened, I'm a very rarely drinker. I decided to have a few vodkas, he drank the rest and a good portion of gin, straight, and without my knowledge, I found out after, and of course because I had been drinking I didn't smell it in him as I had previously done.
He left, but then returned a while later, and I wouldn't let him in. He shouted at my door for some time, banged in all my windows, but it was that COMBINED with what he was saying that had me call the police.
He was saying he was worried I had killed myself and he was calling the police to come check on me, and a whole bunch of other nonsensical stuff, and has since messaged several of our friends and said the same thing, claiming it is over between us now, I won't get the message, and am losing the plot. Basically.
One of the first things I did, was to get in touch with the woman who he's in a LDR with, who I knew of, but not the details of their relationship.
She was sure he wasn't drinking, and we swapped stories for a while. My last update from her is she's trying to sort things out with him.
There seems to be a perpetual lack of things making sense in this mans life. Over the time I've known him, he's
- lost custody of his daughter.
- He has lost his job.
- Every time I have visited his house, it is in more and more disrepair.
- He's lost weight.
- Had falling outs with people.
- He said once his house was broken into and all the food stolen.
- He threw metal screws up once, with no explanation of how they entered his stomach.
- recently his gas was disconnected
- he won a trip to Thailand
- periods where he vanishes for hours at a time,
- things I've told him he doesn't remember (like recently when I had car issues and was without a car for a few days)
He insists that he is not drinking!
Please, halp!
Can drinking alter the brain to the point where they're living a reality that is not happening? Where did this stuff about me killing myself come from, and why is he now telling people I'm psychotic?
I received some very mean messages from him before he was visited by the police, and during the week had said I wanted to cut contact because he was drinking and I couldn't watch him destroy himself. Although I have cut contact several times for a various reasons, he's always instigated it, and he has claimed he's in love with me many times, and I'm the one he's been waiting for for years.
Really? What about the LDR then!
It's all so bizarre. My head is scrambled trying to piece everything back into a new picture, now I have some more context.
Any insight into this experience would be gratefully appreciated. TIA
I'm hoping, from those more familair with alcoholics than I am, that someone may be able to shed light on a recent relationship I've ended.
We met through a single's social group. We are both 41. He was very upfront about his alcohol problem. But he said he was recovered and no longer drank. I judge people on who they are today, not who they were in the past, so as long as he was sober, and not a dry drunk, I was okay with the past drinking problem.
We began a friendship to start, which grew from there into an intimate relationship, over the last few months. It ended yesterday with him being served a 72 hour police order.
The last few months have been the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. Initially, I believed the "don't drink", but then, I would experience unusual and erratic behaviour from him. Ever so slowly it became clear he was drinking again. I had no tangible evidence until about six weeks ago, when we were at his house and I caught the smell of alcohol and asked if he'd been drinking. He hadn't been drinking, he was drunk. He told me he "felt the urge coming in, and he should have told me, but he didn't know how, and he was all good, and it wouldn't happen again).
I cut things off there, because, honestly, the last thing I want and need is that. I said I would remain friends with him. That lasted about a week! Then lather, rinse and repeat, for a few more weeks, until yesterday's drama.
I discovered yesterday that he's been in a LDR with a woman in another country for three years, and is planning on moving to her as soon as the logistics sort out.
Upon my discovery I asked him to leave, we were at my house. For the first time, we had been drinking together. I need to be clear around how that happened, I'm a very rarely drinker. I decided to have a few vodkas, he drank the rest and a good portion of gin, straight, and without my knowledge, I found out after, and of course because I had been drinking I didn't smell it in him as I had previously done.
He left, but then returned a while later, and I wouldn't let him in. He shouted at my door for some time, banged in all my windows, but it was that COMBINED with what he was saying that had me call the police.
He was saying he was worried I had killed myself and he was calling the police to come check on me, and a whole bunch of other nonsensical stuff, and has since messaged several of our friends and said the same thing, claiming it is over between us now, I won't get the message, and am losing the plot. Basically.
One of the first things I did, was to get in touch with the woman who he's in a LDR with, who I knew of, but not the details of their relationship.
She was sure he wasn't drinking, and we swapped stories for a while. My last update from her is she's trying to sort things out with him.
There seems to be a perpetual lack of things making sense in this mans life. Over the time I've known him, he's
- lost custody of his daughter.
- He has lost his job.
- Every time I have visited his house, it is in more and more disrepair.
- He's lost weight.
- Had falling outs with people.
- He said once his house was broken into and all the food stolen.
- He threw metal screws up once, with no explanation of how they entered his stomach.
- recently his gas was disconnected
- he won a trip to Thailand
- periods where he vanishes for hours at a time,
- things I've told him he doesn't remember (like recently when I had car issues and was without a car for a few days)
He insists that he is not drinking!
Please, halp!
Can drinking alter the brain to the point where they're living a reality that is not happening? Where did this stuff about me killing myself come from, and why is he now telling people I'm psychotic?
I received some very mean messages from him before he was visited by the police, and during the week had said I wanted to cut contact because he was drinking and I couldn't watch him destroy himself. Although I have cut contact several times for a various reasons, he's always instigated it, and he has claimed he's in love with me many times, and I'm the one he's been waiting for for years.
Really? What about the LDR then!
It's all so bizarre. My head is scrambled trying to piece everything back into a new picture, now I have some more context.
Any insight into this experience would be gratefully appreciated. TIA
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Be careful Lizzy, make sure you get the order of protection. Keep an eye out and be very aware of your surroundings at all times. Believe in your instincts if you feel something is up. The police and neighbors can be your best friends!!
Stay close and post often my friend. Keep reading around this forum, you will learn a ton!!
Stay close and post often my friend. Keep reading around this forum, you will learn a ton!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Sounds like an alcoholic who is possibly having blackouts which can lead to very dangerous situations not only for the drunk but also for anyone close to them.
The cheating thing alone with the other woman in the wings is good reason for you to flee ASAP.
M-Bob
The cheating thing alone with the other woman in the wings is good reason for you to flee ASAP.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,984
Originally Posted by Lizzy201
the questions I need to ask: why did I ignore the signs etc etc etc.
Gah!
Thanks again everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to reply, and I'll be staying around for a while.
This isn't my first vortex. But if I want it to be the last, something has got to change.
You are ahead of the curve in realizing something is going on with yourself. Pretty much all of us here have some verse of the same song going on in our psyches.
So glad you have done what you have to protect yourself and block contact with this guy.
Any enlightenment you find about that vortex, please pass on to the rest of us! (-;
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
Sounds like an alcoholic who is possibly having blackouts which can lead to very dangerous situations not only for the drunk but also for anyone close to them.
The cheating thing alone with the other woman in the wings is good reason for you to flee ASAP.
M-Bob
The cheating thing alone with the other woman in the wings is good reason for you to flee ASAP.
M-Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Refiner
And yes, an alcohol soaked brain can very well lead to psychosis to answer your original question.
I've had a bizarre few days. Tonight I received a friend request on FB from a random (just turned my security right up) and, well long story short, I think it was him.
He's also been in touch with a mutual friend, which is in breach of his order, and the other woman keeps asking if I'm okay.
As awful as it is, he's making getting a VRO issued very easy. I've let this stuff go so far, because it's evidence for court, and that's the only reason.
He's just telling everyone how suicidal I am, and how concerned he is for my mental state.
Funny... I feel more grounded, clearer in my thinking, have more energy and focus than I've had in a while and whilst the waiting for the hours to pass before I can file for a VRO is a little nerve wracking, I feel quite stable and anchored.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
As an example of alcohol brain soaked psychosis, an acquaintance of mine that had an alcoholic boyfriend who was soaked enough into psychosis would pour bowls of milk and set them down for his imaginary kittens. He didn't even have a cat. No joke.
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