letitend

It has been over 2 months now that I have officially not lived with my xABF. Today, by a fluke, I met the x's new gf. She seemed very nervous to see me, but it ended up being ok. My x dropped by to pick-up my son. DS left his ipad in the house so I called x and he drove up closer to my house to pick it up. I don't think he expected me to go outside, but I did. When I went up to the window, his new gf was in the car.

I felt unbelievable calm in the moment. I asked her to roll down the window so I could introduce myself. She did. I told her that I wanted to say hi to the person that was hanging out with my son. I actually felt better because she seemed very nice. I was actually pretty surprised that she was. I expected something much different. Now, I can kind of relax more when the x takes the kiddo. 6 weeks ago, I would have been a mess meeting her. I was able to shut down *any* self-negative talk about myself not being this or that and just enjoy the fact that I will be alone for the next 24 hours. I am going to take myself for a walk down at the beach tomorrow, go see a movie and do some Christmas shopping.

I am here to attest that distance and time do work wonders. I have been here before as I was living without him for a year, and I forgot how peaceful and free it feels.

I have dipped my toes in the dating pool (online) but I just feel no need to go there at this time. I have been eating healthy, exercising and dropped 29 lbs in under 3 months. Feeling great about myself again. I have thought in the past few weeks about how little the x gave me in terms of emotional companionship, financial support, and empathy.

Forward progress is being made daily. Just thought I would share the beginning of what the other side looks like. I am not completely healed in any sense, but progress is a step towards completion.

mm127

This is nice to hear. Hope it continues!

LexieCat

Good for you for keeping an open mind. She probably IS a nice person--and it's always good to think there's a nice person keeping an eye out for your son when he's with his dad. And trust me, SHE is relieved, too.

Delilah1

Sounds like lots of wonderful forward progress.:-)

letitend

Yes, Lexie. I am sure she is relieved. I actually took your advice on the gf situation and realized that thankfully, for me, I am not with him and cannot control who he is with or has over or around my son when I am not there. I am thankful for my own sanity that I do not have to be a part of his destructive ways. If he ends up treating her better, so be it. It is hard to say where they will be in 6 months, 3 years or 10. All i know is I was miserable for the last 8 or so years I was with him. And I ended that cycle.

My son got an award for being responsible, hard working and well-mannered at school. Only 1 of 2 in the whole classroom. He always did good in school but this year (with dad and i living apart), he has been doing exceptionally good behavior wise. I can only say that without the constant tension and arguing, it has to be better for him too.