Who am I to judge....
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Who am I to judge....
A few turn of events were revealed today. So I knew I was not seeing what I thought was much "progress" for sobriety just to find out that he has not been intoxicated OR taking narcotics.....he finally had to get checked out and there were no signs of alcohol or narcotics found; however he is dehydrated, not sleeping and has not been eating. He has been taking the medication he was prescribed back in the summer but on an empty stomach. It's no wonder he is so weak....
He told me a week ago tomorrow that he was back on day one and all I did was persecute him as he fell deeper and deeper into depression from the loss of his job and probably embarrassment from all of this.
I feel like a complete jacka@@!! He tried to tell me, I refused to listen and feel deeper into my illness as he was trying to claw his way out of his.
I won't dwell on this. I need to forgive myself and get myself back on track. My teen and I saw the therapist today, it was quite helpful. She told us both that with time we will soon begin to heal our wounds and to take it one day at a time.
One day at a time folks, one day at a time......
He told me a week ago tomorrow that he was back on day one and all I did was persecute him as he fell deeper and deeper into depression from the loss of his job and probably embarrassment from all of this.
I feel like a complete jacka@@!! He tried to tell me, I refused to listen and feel deeper into my illness as he was trying to claw his way out of his.
I won't dwell on this. I need to forgive myself and get myself back on track. My teen and I saw the therapist today, it was quite helpful. She told us both that with time we will soon begin to heal our wounds and to take it one day at a time.
One day at a time folks, one day at a time......
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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You can't fix him. You're tired and have been upset. Go easy on yourself.
You aren't responsible for his job loss and you aren't responsible for making him feel better. That's an inside job for him. Let him process how much he's effed up. No, you don't have to rub salt in the wound, but you also don't have to make him feel better. He SHOULD be feeling ashamed and bad right now. That's the only thing that got me to decide to give up drinking.
You aren't responsible for his job loss and you aren't responsible for making him feel better. That's an inside job for him. Let him process how much he's effed up. No, you don't have to rub salt in the wound, but you also don't have to make him feel better. He SHOULD be feeling ashamed and bad right now. That's the only thing that got me to decide to give up drinking.
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he didn't "lose" his job like we lose our keys.....his job loss was a direct result of DRINKING. and then in reaction to that, he drank. now we find out, and here is a real shocker, he hasn't been taking care of himself and that too has consequences.
i think you "may" be giving him more credit than is truly warranted here. he's what, six days off the sauce? again? and i'm sure his drinking had absolutely NOTHING to do with his dehydration, poor sleep patterns or lack of appetite.
i think you "may" be giving him more credit than is truly warranted here. he's what, six days off the sauce? again? and i'm sure his drinking had absolutely NOTHING to do with his dehydration, poor sleep patterns or lack of appetite.
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KTF - I'm echoing the previous posters - you aren't his doctor, therapist or sponsor, this isn't YOURS to fix.
But the way he's so quick to blameshift it all to you IS a big red flag to me - not the actions of an accountable person. HE did this, HE chose to drink, HE put his job in jeopardy & now wants to cry about the results of his own actions.
RAH was the same way - martyring himself in a big way just by lack of self-care. It is not up to me to explain the body's NEED for sleep, water, food, etc. to a grown, educated man. This was another way to unleash his addictive thoughts & feed his victim-mentality surrounding it, IMO. Poor me, poor me, pour me another type of thinking.
Hang in there!
But the way he's so quick to blameshift it all to you IS a big red flag to me - not the actions of an accountable person. HE did this, HE chose to drink, HE put his job in jeopardy & now wants to cry about the results of his own actions.
RAH was the same way - martyring himself in a big way just by lack of self-care. It is not up to me to explain the body's NEED for sleep, water, food, etc. to a grown, educated man. This was another way to unleash his addictive thoughts & feed his victim-mentality surrounding it, IMO. Poor me, poor me, pour me another type of thinking.
Hang in there!
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I appreciate all the feed back. It is always good to read 
My downfall here is adding salt to the wound like LexieCat mentioned. That is what I was dwelling on.
I know what he did and he knows what he did - I mean he has admitted to all of it BUT I was constantly reminding him about it.... yeah so that for me is MY issue at hand. Learning to keep on my side of the street!
My downfall here is adding salt to the wound like LexieCat mentioned. That is what I was dwelling on.
I know what he did and he knows what he did - I mean he has admitted to all of it BUT I was constantly reminding him about it.... yeah so that for me is MY issue at hand. Learning to keep on my side of the street!
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Originally Posted by knowthetriggers 
She told us both that with time we will soon begin to heal our wounds and to take it one day at a time.
One day at a time folks, one day at a time......
We fall out at times and yet again, do our best to bring all back together.
I will admit that for me -- it does get tiring.
But, I do believe that one should never give up.
Families need to remember that they are in this battle together.
Many blessings sent from up top the mountain,
Bob
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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You're allowed to not be perfect. I assume you apologized if you said something out of line. If not, it's OK to do that--just keep it in perspective. We all hurt each other now and then. And we're most likely to do so when we're hurting, ourselves.
Say you're sorry if you haven't. If you already have, let it go.
ETA: Keep it short and sweet--remember, all you're doing is apologizing for something you said--if you go on and on about it or make it about making him feel better, then you're giving it unwarranted significance.
Say you're sorry if you haven't. If you already have, let it go.
ETA: Keep it short and sweet--remember, all you're doing is apologizing for something you said--if you go on and on about it or make it about making him feel better, then you're giving it unwarranted significance.
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yeah so that for me is MY issue at hand
or maybe the issue is that you truly find his actions unacceptable and you've about had it up to here??? your supposed "partner" and "other half" got himself fired.......he has NO income.......this affects everyone and everything. anyone who would say that would NOT bother them is a liar!!!!
so ease up on yourself. don't get so "programmy" that you forget to remember you a human bean first!!!!
or maybe the issue is that you truly find his actions unacceptable and you've about had it up to here??? your supposed "partner" and "other half" got himself fired.......he has NO income.......this affects everyone and everything. anyone who would say that would NOT bother them is a liar!!!!
so ease up on yourself. don't get so "programmy" that you forget to remember you a human bean first!!!!
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
You're allowed to not be perfect. I assume you apologized if you said something out of line. If not, it's OK to do that--just keep it in perspective. We all hurt each other now and then. And we're most likely to do so when we're hurting, ourselves.
Say you're sorry if you haven't. If you already have, let it go.
ETA: Keep it short and sweet--remember, all you're doing is apologizing for something you said--if you go on and on about it or make it about making him feel better, then you're giving it unwarranted significance.
Say you're sorry if you haven't. If you already have, let it go.
ETA: Keep it short and sweet--remember, all you're doing is apologizing for something you said--if you go on and on about it or make it about making him feel better, then you're giving it unwarranted significance.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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You could say something like, "This has been rough on all of us. I'm sorry I let my own fear run away with me the other day. Nobody likes feeling kicked when they're down." And that's it. Acknowledge how you both feel--your frustration/fear, how your words impacted him, and then STOP. Don't grovel. He owns this situation far more than you do.
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This is sorta slitting hairs, but did YOU feel like your reaction was "rubbing salt in the would" at the time that it was happening?
Or did you feel like you were doing the best you could based on what you knew at the time & with respect to previous like-kind incidents?
I only ask because that would change the "way" I apologized or the wording I used.
Or did you feel like you were doing the best you could based on what you knew at the time & with respect to previous like-kind incidents?
I only ask because that would change the "way" I apologized or the wording I used.
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