Guilt go away
 

I want to try it on my own......I want to put him on shelf for awhile, and if I dont like It I want to take him back down........I keep hearing I ruined his life, I cant live without my daughter....I have ruined him financialy, I will have to pay child support....I wont be able to make it without you........I need you......if it wasnt for you I would probably be in jail somewhere.......how do you let go of the guilt......

Taking care of him, is no longer taking care of me or my children.......It is really hard to let someone down isnt it.....even though I have been let down for so many years........

Sounds like a good bit of quacking....

Just do what you think you should do. Maybe it would be best to take a break from him for a while. The chaos is not good.

Is including him with your life today count as a partner or additional child?


:fright:

he is playing on your guilt so you will stay..maybe you should go away for the weekend and see how you feel then.

A child

Gracey,

You're exactly where you need to be today. There is a reason that a baby first learns to situp, then crawl, then walk, then run. We need the time for our mind and our bodies to catch up with each other. At some point they do and then we're making progress.

You're exactly where you need to be for today. I try to look at it as "what is the next best thing that I can do right now?" Patience by dear. You're on the road with many other travelers.

Peace,
Petunia

Gracey,
People told me this many times and I never really understood it:

When it's time to leave, you'll know it.

It was hard to be patient and I wasn't really sure I'd ever get to that point. I just had to trust what they were saying and keep on working on me.

Now, I can say with absolute certainty - When it's time to leave, you'll know it.

I wish that I had taken all of that energy I used trying to figure out whether to stay with him or not and used it to work on myself and work my program.

There is no reason to feel guilty about doing what is right for you.
Hugs - L

Gracey!

We are all here for you.

~Red

OH WOW.....are we living the same life...just when I think "ok things are good" all H___ breaks loose! I want to get off the roller coaster but I don't know how....the manipulation hurts me when I try to take care of just me!! becasue he makes me feel like crap because I refuse to "take care of him " (ie go to the liquor store, hang out at the bar etc.) then becasue I do something for myself I am neglecting him ...and the biggest is my money is OUR money but his is his!!??? I want a partner not another child!!! (sorry had to vent)

Gracey -

I just read your other post too. You have become so overwhelmed with your situation that you don't seem capable of making any decisions. If your kids don't do as you ask them to - punish them. Take something away from them - tv, allowance, etc. Make there be consequences for their actions or lack thereof. You are not responsible for your husband. He is a big boy capable of taking care of himself if he wants to. Trying to put the guilt on you is a load of crap. Don't listen to him. Listen to what your instincts are telling you. Once you make the decision that your well being and that of your kids is more important than taking the constant abuse of your husband, you will find it much easier to make the moves you need to improve all of your lives.

You will know when and if it is time to go but in the meantime, start taking the steps you need to make so that you will be ready.

Hugs, Jo

You would not be letting him down. You would be letting yourself down if you did not live the best life that you could. With him or without him.

And it is not up to you what kind of life he has. He seems to be making that choice just fine all by himself.

Hugs,
JT

I'm new here and I just wanted to say that you sound like you're talking about my life. I'm am so exhausted of taking care of him and his needs.

I'm learning that it does absolutely no service to those I love if I take care of their needs and ignore my own. I'm just learning this and sometimes I still struggle with living it. If you're feeling guilty, try to think of it this way .. if you continue on in the same old pattern, it is then that you truly let him down .. and, most of all, yourself. You don't do you, your children, or even him any good by continuing on in the same routine. You have to break the cycle.

Don't let his emotional accusatory rantings manipulate you into unjust feelings .... you don't deserve it .. you've nothing to feel guilty about .. guilt is a deadly, self-destructive emotion. Guilt be damned. Yes, it's another of the God given emotions we're blessed with .. yes, blessed ... as we need all of these to learn life's lessons. Break free from the paralysis and grow as the beautiful person you are.