What I've noticed since moving out..
 

I used to have an itchy spot on my back that flared up every day, but there was no rash or skin issue around that spot. Since I moved out, I don't have that issue daily. I've used my back scratcher maybe 3 times since I've been in my new place. Stress shows up in funny ways huh?

I listen to music more and find myself just breaking out into a dance sometimes while cleaning or cooking. I used to do that, but hardly ever in the last year or so.

I haven't filed for divorce, but deep down I believe I will have to. AH isn't going to be able to give me what I want out of a relationship. He couldn't even fully accept why I left. He asked me 3-4 times if I was seeing someone. I kept telling him no, and then I started to get offended. Like, that could be the only reason I'd leave you?? Not the irresponsible behavior, blaming, laziness, procrastinating....no not that.

The last time we talked, he talked as if I would simply come back home once my lease was up. That let me know he doesn't take me seriously. I don't care if he does or doesn't.

What I'm still struggling with is this misplaced guilt and obligation to him that I feel. I've taken on some type of motherly role in this relationship, because I am no longer attracted to him and I would check behind him like I would have done my son at a much younger age. I haven't been to counseling or al-anon in years, but I know I need to go.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but since we've been together (7 yrs), I've broken up with him twice and always went back without demanding more for myself. I can't go through that again.

Glad you are feeling better, BP, and that you are not itchy anymore. Stress IS funny in how it manifests. The guilt thing, well, let's hope that passes the longer you are away. Peace.

Just love to hear that you break into dance - wonderful.

I hope you can find a helpful alanon group. Letting go of someone self-destructing is indeed difficult.

Stress does do funny things!

I hope you find more and more reasons to dance (so cheesy, but true!). I've now been separated from soon to be AH for 2 months and it's made a world of difference. The guilt is going away more and more each day - wishing the same for you :)

Your post gives me hope, so glad you can break out and dance!

I am in the process of leaving. My AH accuses me of having someone else often. Surely it couldn't be the addiction that is more important to him than me that is causing me to leave...

I am convinced that a particularly venomous shouting at I received from AH caused me to get shingles at age 40. I was under some other stress, a new job in a new neighborhood, but it was his vicious yelling at me (while withdrawing of course) that pushed my body over the edge. Glad you are in a better place to take care of yourself!

There is real obligation and FEELING obligated.

Real obligation is a course of action required like paying taxes, obeying the laws to avoid fines or going to jail.

Feeling obligated is only real in our minds. We need to tackle our thinking and control our thought’s. We have ill thinking assumptions that keep us hostage to the A.

One of the best tools I learned was in telling myself the truth. With me or without me the A was going to do what the A was going to do and NOTHING I said or could do would ever change that. Accepting truth is hard but it’s the foundation for OUR own recovery. Saying no can be very powerful and often a word we need to learn to use.

Limiting your contact with him is also a good tool. The less contact the less chances we have of falling backwards while we are learning to move ahead in healthier ways.

There is real obligation and FEELING obligated.
Real obligation is a course of action required like paying taxes, obeying the laws to avoid penalties or going to jail.
Feeling obligated is only real in our minds. We need to tackle our thinking and control our thought’s. We have ill thinking assumptions that keep us hostage to the A.
One of the best tools I learned was in telling myself the truth. With me or without me the A was going to do what the A was going to do and NOTHING I said or could do would ever change that. Accepting truth is hard but it’s the foundation for OUR own recovery. Saying no can be very powerful and often a word we need to learn to use.
Limiting your contact with him is also a good tool. The less contact the less chances we have of falling backwards while we are learning to move forward in healthier ways.

Keep dancing!!!