ekt

Hi, I am new to Al anon. I have been to 2 meetings and plan to return. My A. just came home drunk again. I am a classic enabler, that much I do know. I remained calm even though I had a knot in my stomach waiting for him and I wanted to yell and cry. All I told him was that he could take a cab to his hockey game because I am not going back out tonight. He lost his license after passing out at the wheel and wrecking his car 9 months ago. He was in outpatient rehab and was doing well. I think he truly doesn't want to change. this is the second "slip" this week and it's only WEdnesday. I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I can't take it much longer but nbody has told me what I can do other than "go to a meeting"-

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi ekt!
Welcome to the forum.
Hmmm.... going to the meetings is how you're supposed to hear the other things you can do. Bravo for making him take a cab. No sense making it easy for them. I will say that addicts are very clingy about their addictions, and that Dino got only a little better before he began to get a lot better. You don't have to give up hope because he's making a slow start.
As for YOU... well you've made a great start. You held your temper and you made him be responsible for his own thing. That's GREAT! It may seem like baby steps, but we stumble before we walk, eh? Try to find some things you like to do just for yourself... some "all about you" time that will keep you from thinking so much about your husband's problem. It is HIS problem, and he is the only one who can ultimately fix it, so rest your weary mind some!

Thanks for posting. Keep a'comin' back.

Smoke

goodsearch

welcome to the board. when you ask what you can DO, five things come to mind. things i do when i need it.

1. I can go to the girl in the mirror and tell her I love her -- out loud. She needs to hear that she's lovable and okay.
2. I can buy myself a little gift - get my nails done, a scented candle, hide a $20 bill somewhere (it makes me feel good to have a secret stash).
3. I can do something nice for ME - a bubble bath, a massage, a walk around the neighborhood, an evening without television.
4. I can spend time with myself - meditate, bicycle, soak in the tub.
5. I can remember that I didn't cause it (the A's behavior). I can't control it, and I SURE can't cure it.

This works for me... just a few thoughts. Keep coming back.

marie.