Small things
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Al-Anon has online meetings, too. I am not an expert, but I believe this behavior, like alcohol dependency, is progressive. I would expect it to become more prevalent. Please continue to take care of the kids and of yourself. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
"I have not attended any Al-Anon as of yet. I haven't been able to make it a priority in my daily life unfortunately. ( It also scares me to go but I'm a big girl and need to get over that"
I am sorry you are going through this, you are living with a bully and
degrading and belittling you is his coping mechanism for handling
frustration and not feeling repulsed by his own behavior.
Please get to al anon meetings as much as possible. It may take going
to a few different meetings to find one that helps you. Start making
yourself a priority in your life, it is the road to a healthy, happy heart
and soul.
I'm sure others have mentioned you are role modeling for your
children, and i'm sure you don't want any of them to grow up
thinking it's ok to treat someone like that, or to accept it from
someone.
When I started to really value myself and the serenity I wanted in
my life, everything changed. Al anon has been invaluable to me,
and I sincerely hope you will consider it.
I am sorry you are going through this, you are living with a bully and
degrading and belittling you is his coping mechanism for handling
frustration and not feeling repulsed by his own behavior.
Please get to al anon meetings as much as possible. It may take going
to a few different meetings to find one that helps you. Start making
yourself a priority in your life, it is the road to a healthy, happy heart
and soul.
I'm sure others have mentioned you are role modeling for your
children, and i'm sure you don't want any of them to grow up
thinking it's ok to treat someone like that, or to accept it from
someone.
When I started to really value myself and the serenity I wanted in
my life, everything changed. Al anon has been invaluable to me,
and I sincerely hope you will consider it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Mylifeismine,
Thank you for your reply. I do have plans to go to Al Anon, arranging for child care and all that fun stuff. Right now my alanon/therapy/friend time is at the gym, or running. Lifting heavy weights and challenging myself in healthy ways keeps my sanity. Kids get to come along too and play, if they're not at their grandma's.
And no, I don't want them to think that is ok. I do have age appropriate conversations with them so they know I expect better from them. They know which parent to trust and depend on. That being said, I am working on an exit strategy. It is weighing heavy on my heart as this isn't something I want or wish I had to do, but something I need to do.
He has shown me several times that he is unwilling to quit drinking. Forever. As well as see a professional for his pent up anger and depression /personality disorder.
I really appreciate everyone here. Thank you!
Thank you for your reply. I do have plans to go to Al Anon, arranging for child care and all that fun stuff. Right now my alanon/therapy/friend time is at the gym, or running. Lifting heavy weights and challenging myself in healthy ways keeps my sanity. Kids get to come along too and play, if they're not at their grandma's.
And no, I don't want them to think that is ok. I do have age appropriate conversations with them so they know I expect better from them. They know which parent to trust and depend on. That being said, I am working on an exit strategy. It is weighing heavy on my heart as this isn't something I want or wish I had to do, but something I need to do.
He has shown me several times that he is unwilling to quit drinking. Forever. As well as see a professional for his pent up anger and depression /personality disorder.
I really appreciate everyone here. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
thousand,
Your days are full, & I know its hard to get to meetings! So glad
you are making the effort.
For me, alanon was the first place I could talk about "the secret",
the dysfunction of living with an active alcoholic. They understood.
The action of me planning & attending meetings became to be
referred to as "my recovery". This made it real. Real in the sense
that active alcoholism was so disruptive in my life I needed & sought
outside help. It had become too big to handle on my own. I practiced
self compassion & got myself some support!
The act of going to meetings, telling my husband I was going to a meeting, being gone from the house because I was at a meeting, bringing home & reading books on codependency & alcoholism, getting a sponsor, all these things made me (and my husband) take my recovery seriously. It is real, it is a priority in my life. And the icing on the cake is that it is not only helping me, but my whole family, all my relationships. Including and most of all with my Higher Power & myself. It is so worth it.
Your days are full, & I know its hard to get to meetings! So glad
you are making the effort.
For me, alanon was the first place I could talk about "the secret",
the dysfunction of living with an active alcoholic. They understood.
The action of me planning & attending meetings became to be
referred to as "my recovery". This made it real. Real in the sense
that active alcoholism was so disruptive in my life I needed & sought
outside help. It had become too big to handle on my own. I practiced
self compassion & got myself some support!
The act of going to meetings, telling my husband I was going to a meeting, being gone from the house because I was at a meeting, bringing home & reading books on codependency & alcoholism, getting a sponsor, all these things made me (and my husband) take my recovery seriously. It is real, it is a priority in my life. And the icing on the cake is that it is not only helping me, but my whole family, all my relationships. Including and most of all with my Higher Power & myself. It is so worth it.
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