letitend

that he is still drinking?? He said he was quitting, turned a new leaf (yada yada yada). I feel bad for actually being glad he is still drinking. Not that I want him to do that, but I know that I made the right choice. Apparently the xa is 'in love with' the new gf. I am slowly starting to just accept it. If he can find someone that doesn't mind him, more power to that person. Shrugs. I cannot control what he does, never could. I still feel anxious about everything but it is getting better. I *know* I am making the right choice to stay single, work on myself and stay focused on son, work and myself. Deep breath in, and deep breath out.

rae145

It probably shouldn't make you feel better, but it made feel better that my exa was still drinking. I was relieved that he didn't stop for his new soulmate. It's been about three months now, so I wish both of them good luck and, hey, if he stops good for him (them).

LexieCat

One thing to keep in mind is that alcoholics can't get better "for" someone else. Even when they try to (and succeed for a time), it won't stick until they are ready.

For your son's sake I hope that happens eventually. When/if it does, it won't be because of the new g/f, it will be because he had that moment of clarity about how effed up his own life has become.

dandylion

letitend.....if it is any consolation.....even if he did stop drinking and worked all the 12 steps, etc., and, got into genuine recovery.....he would not be the same person that he was when you met him. He would have changed in many ways, due to the internal changes.
You might not even recognize him. You may not even want to be with the different him. The person that you origionally met would be gone....

letitend

I would love to see him better for the sake of my son. I am being selfish when I say that it makes ME feel better. The only reason for that feeling within myself is because it gives me some sort of validation.

I was not willing to give up anymore of my life when I made that courageous step to move forward with leaving him for good. I am working hard at reclaiming my own life. I feel like I have changed. Normally, I would be out on the hunt for a 'new man' to make ME feel whole. But thru learning about codependence and alcoholism, I have saw a truth within myself. That truth is that I need to become whole. You can't just make the decision to do it, it takes practice and time.

I am letting go of the reigns of control slowly. It takes practice and self-reflection for sure. I was told so often, so much, that *I* was to blame for my xa's behavior. I listened to that negative talk for way too long. I am trying to get back to being *me* and just being happy I am alive and in a good place.

I know his drinking is his choice. I think he is in love with the idea that he found someone who is *into him* at the moment and accepts him for him (drinking and all). Why wouldn't he be infatuated with that? The question that will be answered in time is how long will that take to work itself out? I am feeling grateful that I am not going along for the ride.