knowthetriggers

Hello Friends -

Disappointing news, after a "witch hunt" on my RAH since June, his employer finally found something to "trigger" him - about a week ago he was suspended for making what they called an inappropriate comment to someone who he has a good working relationship with - but because this person ran their mouth to someone that does not like my husband the "accuser" was pushed to make the claim. They put him on the street for three days - on day three he said he drank......so he is now a AH, but his boss suspected something was not quite right this past Tuesday so they took him for a breathalyzer test and he failed and was FIRED......

I called on the support group for both of us - we had a "mini-intervention" at the house that evening. It did and didn't go well, as I think he was still under the influence.

So disappointed, you bet, surprised that it happened, nope, not at all.
I think what bothered me the most, and our friends that were there for support, was his pride. It was overwhelming that evening but then again he was under the influence. My teen told heard him talking to me so she knew he was fired and had drank. She was a wreck. Thankfully we had an appointment with her therapist that evening so we were able to discuss this quickly. I kept her and my younger child busy until I knew we had support at home then I had the teen with friends. My youngest was home, unfortunately, but I did keep her occupied in our room as long as I could.

My amazement comes from my actions, like I should be hysterical maybe but I'm not. I am either just numb about it all or at peace.... I can't decide. I have cried just a little but mostly when I am praying, not like balling out of the blue. Deep down I knew this was coming, I was hoping drinking was not involved but I still knew this was coming. He has been unhappy for a year and a half at work and I always suggested to get a step ahead of them and get out before it was too late......I wish he had listened to me when he was sober for 5 months.

The mood at home is quiet. There is no hysterics and no one is crying or yelling. It almost seems like I am living in a dream. I know this is real and this is happening but I can't be bothered by becoming hysterical. When I was talking to my friend about this she looked at me so confused - she said she could see it in my face that I am on the fence about leaving and that I look numb.....

Sorry for the ramble but I just wanted to share.....

LexieCat

I'm so sorry. You know, this would have happened sooner or later. Life happens, and it's very easy for an alcoholic who isn't on firm ground to pick up a drink when life shows up and throws a cow pattie into the ventilating system.

How are things with your new job?

You don't have to figure everything out right now--let the dust settle and keep breathing.

Ariesagain

I'm confused...maybe I'm misreading your first paragraph, but it sounds like you're saying this "witch hunt" at your husband's job was a plot to find a "trigger" that would make him drink?

If so...you know that he didn't have to drink, no matter what they did or didn't do, right?

knowthetriggers

Yes, I know that all too well

knowthetriggers

Things are moving along with my new job.

Even with all this mess going on the kids are still doing good in school and like I mentioned the house is not in an uproar. I don't think I could find the energy to be in an uproar, I mean why waste my energy on that...

Ya know Lexie, what disappoints me the most is how good he was doing, I mean serious changes. He lost over 50 lbs, he had a strong, clear head and was so connected with life and us, it was a huge transformation from before. He is back to this clear head for the past two days , even started walking for exercise, but I have my guard up.

Kboys

Just big hugs to you and your kiddos

Sending lots of peace, warmth, and clarity

knowthetriggers

Thank you Kboys

maia1234

Ktt,
I am sorry and you probably will get mad at me but this is crazy!!

Sounds like you are still pretty entwined with controlling your AH. I know that you are supporting him on "how good he was doing". When he relapsed, You called his support group, you had a mini intervention, and you think he was under the influence during it. His employer finally found something to trigger him so he drank. You feel his ego was hurt that he lost his job, but he took a breathalyzer and he was under the influence, so he was fired?? It almost seems like you feel sorry for him, instead of making smart choices for you and your kids. Your teen is a wreck over her Dad being fired at work for being under the influence so she is seeing a therapist to help her. It seems to me its one excuse after another. How long and what needs to happen for you to get off the fence?

I am sorry for being so tough on you. But at what point do you move on and let him get his shxt together on his own? I would highly recommend hitting some alanon or open AA meetings. Give him to God take are of, Then you can take care of your kids, they deserve it. Nothing changes if nothing changes!!