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O/T feeling yucky about work

Old 11-02-2016, 09:21 AM
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O/T feeling yucky about work

Hi Friends,
Iím going to try to get my point across without making this too long or confusing

Iím currently a Social Worker in Adult Services. I have been with this county for 10 years, and in my current position for 3. I feel good about a lot of the things our Department has been able to do, and people weíve been able to help, with the limited resources of a small community.

But there recently was a situation I donít feel great about. I could have / should have done more and been more proactive, and another community agency is not happy with our Department now. (It is over now and ended fine, but took longer than it should have to get to that point.)

The Social Services Director, who was aware of the situation, was called out in a public meeting about it. This sort of thing has happened before, but this is the first time I really have this nagging feeling of, yeahÖ I should have done things differently.
There are of course other things Iíd like to blame it on, like Department systemic issuesÖ chronic lack of direction from supervisorsÖ. Lack of action from other agencies, who probably could have and should have done more too. Those things all play a part, but the bottom line for me is that Iím not happy with the way I did things. I donít like feeling inadequate at my jobÖ the place I spend 40 hours per week of my life. I donít like feeling as though people in the community think that I or my Department because of me, am not doing a good job. My Superiors have expressed only support and understanding, but I know they know thereís more I could have done, and I donít like feeling as though Iíve disappointed them.

Basically I just feel really sh!tty right now. I feel like crying.
I want a new job (although Iíve felt like that for a long timeÖ not just because of this).
I donít want to be here anymore. I just want to be at home with my kidsÖ I spend so much on daycare anyway, sometimes I feel like maybe I should just quit and get a part time jobÖ maybe it would be better for me financially anywayÖ but I have a ton of debt to pay off.... and I get benefits, and I'm mostly comfortable here and I don't like change..... I donít know, I just really feel like crap right now and I donít know who to talk to about it.
Thank you for listening.
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Old 11-02-2016, 09:28 AM
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I'm sorry you feel so bad. I've been in that position, where I know I could have done more. I always blame and beat up myself. I'm new here and I don't know your history, but here's my 2 cents. It is hard to put 100% into work when things at home are hard or unsupportive. Not an excuse, but an explanation and a reason to not beat yourself up. Its hard to be a mom and have a career. Its all really hard and we're not perfect and sometimes we mess up. When you mess up, fess up and them move on and do better tomorrow. That is all you can do. Try to let go of the yucky feeling and focus on kicking ass today. You'll feel better quickly once you get a couple kick ass days under your belt. If you feel you really need to, apologize to the person, but be careful not to shoot yourself in the foot. I'm sorry you feel this way because I've been there and it sucks.
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Old 11-02-2016, 09:44 AM
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Hi Kboys... a few months ago I had the chance to go to a better job for a year.. more money for just a year.. and no sick time or benefits.. tossed the idea around for 48 hours.. stayed here.. got my full time back a tiny raise and then I got sick with that virus going around paid sick time and vac time.. and over time.. glad I stayed here..... you are in a tough spot and in the department you are in ... its going to get tougher as the election comes to a head and then Jan happens.. wow .. kiddo wowo.. hold your family tight and try to remember something from your childhood that gave you pause to have a family time.... picnic under the table.. prayers ardy
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:30 AM
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Hi, Kboys. I was a teacher for several years, before I retired. I loved my work and I think I did it well. But every now and again I messed up . I was short with a student, or didn't give them the time and patience they needed. It would eat at me when this happened. Only two things could set me right. 1) Apologize. Own my part, say I'm sorry, make it right if I could, and drop it. 2) Take a lesson from what happened. Why did it happen? Did the student push my buttons? Was I having a bad day? I would figure it out, then try to put into place things within me to ensure it wouldn't occur again. I had to learn some lessons more than once, but I think we all do at times.
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Old 11-02-2016, 11:41 AM
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I think we have been in the position of having not made the correct decisions all of the time every single day. We are going to make mistakes, none of us are perfect.

I love my job, it’s the people I have to deal with that often make me not always like my job.
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Old 11-02-2016, 11:54 AM
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Thank you, I appreciate the responses!
Ugh... I've definitely screwed up before, or maybe not given 100%, but I've never felt like this before... or at least not in a really long time .

I don't really love my job. I love parts about it, and I love my co-workers... but often I just feel frustrated and like I'm just flying by the seat of my pants with no direction.... and then feeling inadeqate because of that, like, I've been doing this job long enough, I suppose I shouldn't really need direction anymore, but I was never really given much training on anything by anyone even when I first started, so I've always just been carrying on, doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing... but not really being certain I'm doing the right things, and second-guessing myself.
I'm really more of a "tell me what to do and I'll do it" kind of person rather than a "figure it out on your own and lead the way" type of person... so maybe I just should not be here anymore

Maybe that's part of my yucky feeling... knowing that it's probably time for me to move on and just feeling like I'm not meant to be here anymore
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Old 11-02-2016, 12:35 PM
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KB,
It sounds like it will be a big step for you to quit this job. Even though you don't care for it you do get benefits, you are comfortable and you don't like change. You have been there long enough that if one of the kids get sick you can take off if needed. These are 4 large things to consider before you start something new. Like with every big thing in life that we do, do not rush into it.

Take your time, put your resume together and start applying. See whats out there. (I have a friend who has been applying since June, with a college degree and has not gotten one call back or an interview.) Do some interviews and get comfortable with what you "think" you want. You don't ever want to force a solution and make a mistake that could jeopardize what you have been working on for years.

Deep breaths and make this a calculated and confident decision. Hugs my friend!!
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Old 11-02-2016, 12:55 PM
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hi all .. if you are under 40 and over 25 and have been at that job for over 4 years.. dig in kids dig in.. for the next few years work any type is going to be harder to do harder to deal with and harder to find... trust this old lady of so much from Security to Front Desk from Stocks and Bonds to Child Protection... have had maybe 6 full time jobs in my life time of 40 years of working.. this one is Mickey and Minnie Mouse ... the hardest part is getting the staff to leave us alone to do the job. and to get the staff off the backs of the drivers that bring stuff in... its not much but I have good sick time vac time personal time and can do some over time every so often.. pay is not great.. but with my Social Security and pay twice in a month sitting better then when I worked in Stocks and Bonds... so KB... hey Gov is a mess.. but if you are even helping just one something in a day.. maybe you don't even know it.. keep your head up eyes open and ears on ...kiddo there are going to be folks in Departments jumping ship all over the place soon... yep.. take it from a Temp that sat in a ton of chairs in Florida Dept of State offices and DC out laying offices.. ekekekkekek.. watch and keep your ears open for Departments that are making noise.. at least you will never have to write your own pink slip.. hand in the air.. yep along with 4682 others back in 1999 Dec.. and I had just landed the best job in Deprt of VOC ... loved that job.. never got to be a full time person but for 3 days... called Manpower that day and said well Ladies this is Ardy what do you have open.. and they took me to lunch. ahhahahahaahah look out Dead Beat Dad of 2000 you are in trouble now... like I said hold tight to that job.. the career you have is your children... enjoy every tiny moment with them .. for time goes to fast... love a Temp.....
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Old 11-02-2016, 02:51 PM
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Thanks
Yep, leaving this job would definitely be a big step for me, and yes, one of the big pluses for me right now is being able to take time off or come in late or leave early if I need to for the kids... and I don't really want to give that up. There are several positives about this job.... and I feel good about the work I do for the most part... but I don't love it

I just completed an application for another job within the county but for a different Department. Less pay to start, but the same or similar benefits. Haven't submitted it yet though.
Working on kicking ass in the meantime

But right now I feel like the Department dunce of the moment and it sucks and I just want it to go away.

Thanks for letting me come here and vent
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Old 11-02-2016, 04:56 PM
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Hey, this is timely for me. Part of my job involves presenting trainings (to police, prosecutors, advocates, etc.) and it's never been something I've felt particularly good at. There are a number of reasons, including the fact that much of what I have to present isn't selected by me, but rather dictated by others. So I'm limited in my ability to be creative and approach it my own way.

Fortunately, I only have to do this on an average of once a month or so. This past month, though, I had three in far-flung parts of the country over the course of only three weeks. The first two that I did felt like major FAILS. I felt like I kept losing my train of thought, we had tech issues, a few times I felt like I "lost" my audience--I actually compared one of them to what comedians refer to as "dying" onstage. The last one I did went reasonably well, but I was still beating myself up for the first two--and I blamed my own lack of preparation, for the most part.

Interestingly, today I got the evaluations from the second one I was worried about, and the reviews were GLOWING. So go figure. LOL, I imagine these folks don't get out to trainings all that much. I'm still annoyed with myself for those two, but I am probably the best in my organization at some of the other things I do (mainly writing/editing). So I do contribute--this is just one of those things I have to do that I don't enjoy or feel like I do particularly well.

As it is, though, there are lots of things about my job that I DO love, and no job is perfect. Over the course of my career, I've also hit slumps where I don't have the same level of enthusiasm I like to bring to my job. I'm in one of those right now, and based on past experience, it is likely to pass.

If I were you, I'd hold off on jumping into something else until you find something that REALLY grabs you. I totally get wanting to feel charged up about the job, but a lateral move that just gets you out of one job into another just for the sake of a change isn't great unless your job or some aspect of it is truly intolerable (which doesn't seem to be the case).

I wonder if you could come up with a new idea or project that might benefit your agency? Something that you could plan and try to establish that would advance the overall mission of your organization? For example, one of the things I really missed about my old job was the opportunity to work on ACTUAL cases, rather than just giving advice or assistance or training. I've got a lot of appellate experience, and I persuaded my boss to start letting me work on some friend-of-the-court briefs in significant cases. I got to help write one for the U.S. Supreme Court a few months ago, and we've done several over the past few months. Our position has been the winner so far on every one, and it's great to feel like I helped "win" a case again. And it makes us look good--it adds to our value and credibility as a nonprofit in our area of expertise.

Just a thought.
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Old 11-02-2016, 05:09 PM
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Kboys, just sending you hugs. I also work for my local county government. While my position is more bureaucratic and does not involve direct delivery of critical services to our most at-risk people, my role is to help departments who DO deliver those critical services. It is a rotten feeling to have the sense that you could have done more, or done something faster, or done something differently. It's so easy to lose sight of all the good you've done, when that is the feeling that is overwhelming you.

I think Lexie is right on--maybe transfer some of your negative energy about this into positive energy to do some good where you can.

Much love to you.
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Old 11-03-2016, 11:10 AM
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Thanks everybody

I'm currently working on a case which is very similar to the I didn't do such a great job on...
I'm doing everything I can possibly think of to be proactive in this current case!

And feeling a little better about it all today thanks again to everyone
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Old 11-03-2016, 11:29 AM
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you can do it Kboys one step at a time for the best results always...
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Old 11-03-2016, 05:16 PM
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Kboys-

I just wanted to normalize something for you. I don't know that it will help in any way.

I also work in a "helping," profession.

I started to really struggle in my job of which I had been at for years as I started to get healthier with my codependent and addiction stuff BECAUSE I started to get healthier.

I stopped being meek, mild mannered and willing to take it all on. I started to be more real and while it helped me with my interactions with customers it started to create challenges for me in other ways.

It took me some time but I was able to work out something that has been a better fit for me.

I took a part time job at the same organization in a different department (I still get benefits), and work a variety of other part time jobs to make up the difference.

Acknowledging how unhappy I was though was a huge thing for me.....previously I had always taken the blame on myself when I was unhappy. Being aware that some of it was outside of me (and my control) really helped me to be able to be open to new possibilities.

Part of what I was reading in your share was that you have grown and the job has not necessarily. The recent happenings was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
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Old 11-03-2016, 08:00 PM
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Kboys, I just want to add from my experience, as someone who generally likes her job, that two weeks ago I had a rough patch where I felt I could have done something a lot better--and I didn't like feeling "bad" about it, and I also didn't like that some people KNEW about it...

That very night I was surfing for new jobs. I felt ready to throw it all away because I didn't like facing my "failure".

Fast forward to this week, I've had some highs in other aspects of my job, and I'm living out some improvements in that aspect from the painful lesson. I'm grateful I stuck it out.

I have no idea if a new job is right for you, but I just wanted to share experience from someone who wanted to quit in a heartbeat when I felt so down about it.

You judge yourself way more harshly than others. They'll be past it long before you!

Interesting to me that I couldn't bear the feeling of being "bad", so much so that I'd consider walking away from a great job just to avoid feeling it...reminds me of some of my codie issues, lol.
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