Court Date Is Tommorrow
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Court Date Is Tommorrow
Hi,
My first court date is tomorrow. Either myself it AH are attending. His lawyer had a conflict, so only attorneys are attending via telephone. I'm very nervous. I want this just to be over.
I finally received my AH, new business checking account statements. He's moved all the cash from our business to an account I can't access. It appears the business isn't making money or even breaking even. My AH still is having the credit card customers money go into the account I opened for the business with him.
Also, my AH isn't paying a bill in the home we shared. I think his sister is paying all his bills. She claims, she's personally paying for them, but I'm sure she's reimbursing herself from my AH mothers trust. She's the executor.
All I want, is for this to be over. I want what is fair. It appears my AH is trying to make it look like he has no money. Will the court see through this? My AH is young enough, so he could get a job, instead of trying to stay in a failing business, and have his sister pay his bills.
I spend all my mother's small inheritance, on starting the business and paying household bills, so my AH could start up the business. I'm feeling like such a fool! With that money, I would have been able to lived comfortably, if careful.
Will the court be able to see all I have put in?, and realize my AH is making himself look poor for the benefit of this divorce.
Life sure isn't fair. I do feel blessed that I'm out of that relationship, and am safe. I made very poor choices.
I guess I'm just nervous! Thanks for listening.
Z
My first court date is tomorrow. Either myself it AH are attending. His lawyer had a conflict, so only attorneys are attending via telephone. I'm very nervous. I want this just to be over.
I finally received my AH, new business checking account statements. He's moved all the cash from our business to an account I can't access. It appears the business isn't making money or even breaking even. My AH still is having the credit card customers money go into the account I opened for the business with him.
Also, my AH isn't paying a bill in the home we shared. I think his sister is paying all his bills. She claims, she's personally paying for them, but I'm sure she's reimbursing herself from my AH mothers trust. She's the executor.
All I want, is for this to be over. I want what is fair. It appears my AH is trying to make it look like he has no money. Will the court see through this? My AH is young enough, so he could get a job, instead of trying to stay in a failing business, and have his sister pay his bills.
I spend all my mother's small inheritance, on starting the business and paying household bills, so my AH could start up the business. I'm feeling like such a fool! With that money, I would have been able to lived comfortably, if careful.
Will the court be able to see all I have put in?, and realize my AH is making himself look poor for the benefit of this divorce.
Life sure isn't fair. I do feel blessed that I'm out of that relationship, and am safe. I made very poor choices.
I guess I'm just nervous! Thanks for listening.
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Remember, Z, nothing much is going to happen tomorrow. So don't expect much in the way of resolution--this is for scheduling purposes, if I recall correctly.
Courts are very much aware of the risk that one party to a divorce will hide assets. So yes, they do look for that.
I know you want "fair" but keep your ideas about "fair" realistic. You probably won't get everything you should--most people take a financial "hit" in a divorce. Keep your eyes on the future. You'll be OK no matter how this shakes out--keep reminding yourself of that.
Courts are very much aware of the risk that one party to a divorce will hide assets. So yes, they do look for that.
I know you want "fair" but keep your ideas about "fair" realistic. You probably won't get everything you should--most people take a financial "hit" in a divorce. Keep your eyes on the future. You'll be OK no matter how this shakes out--keep reminding yourself of that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
I can relate to how you feel. I have such anxiety thinking about all of the mediation/court dates that I have coming up. It's a nerve wrecking process, but knowing this is the best thing can hopefully bring you comfort. I'm sure no one goes into these things without substantial nerves. My ex is definitely hiding money. He has yet to even turn in his financial affidavit and it was due last week! I can't even imagine what he's going to put on it as he hid his money from me our entire relationship. Hang in there, keep your head held high and just think of it as one step closer. Hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Update
Hi,
My lawyer didn't get back to me till today. He told me the court has ordered mediation. I guess that is a good first step. Not sure how it happens, and where this takes place.
My AH lawyer over the past 10 months hasn't agreed to anything, including a request for mediationx4 in writing by my attorney.
My hope is that things will get resolved through mediation, but I'm thinking it will at least let us know where my AH stands. Again, I would think my AH would want this behind him.
Maybe my AH doesn't care if this gets resolved. After all he is living in our home, his sister is paying all his bills, and he goes to a business everyday, that appears to not be making any money.
Maybe someone here knows, what happens next? How long does it usually take to schedule mediation. I have a domestic violence order, so how does this effect the process?
I'm hanging in there, some days by a thread. I appreciate everyone's advice and support.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone, dealing with an alcoholic spouse.
I never wanted any of this, but I guess no one does. When they say take one day at a time, that's all one can do when dealing with addiction.
Thank you all!!
Z
My lawyer didn't get back to me till today. He told me the court has ordered mediation. I guess that is a good first step. Not sure how it happens, and where this takes place.
My AH lawyer over the past 10 months hasn't agreed to anything, including a request for mediationx4 in writing by my attorney.
My hope is that things will get resolved through mediation, but I'm thinking it will at least let us know where my AH stands. Again, I would think my AH would want this behind him.
Maybe my AH doesn't care if this gets resolved. After all he is living in our home, his sister is paying all his bills, and he goes to a business everyday, that appears to not be making any money.
Maybe someone here knows, what happens next? How long does it usually take to schedule mediation. I have a domestic violence order, so how does this effect the process?
I'm hanging in there, some days by a thread. I appreciate everyone's advice and support.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone, dealing with an alcoholic spouse.
I never wanted any of this, but I guess no one does. When they say take one day at a time, that's all one can do when dealing with addiction.
Thank you all!!
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
A lot of jurisdictions prohibit mediation when there's a history of DV.
I just had mediation on my lawsuit involving my house's foundation. I'm sure it works differently in other places, but for ours, my lawyer and I were in one room and the lawyers for the other side were in the other room. We never talked directly--everything went through the mediator. We could tell things to the mediator about what we wanted or were willing to negotiate, and the mediator would disclose to the other side only what we permitted him to do.
Mediation shouldn't take that long to schedule. Both sides have to agree to the choice of mediator, and it really depends on everyone's availability (lawyers, litigants, mediator). In my state, when the mediation is court-ordered, the first two hours of the mediator's time is free (you still have to pay your own lawyer), and after that the mediator's time gets charged (divided between the parties). Your lawyer should be able to explain how it works in your jurisdiction.
Mediation doesn't have to resolve EVERYTHING. It might narrow the issues that are still in dispute. IOW, you could come to agreement on some things but not others, which will still save time/money if you have to go to trial.
I just had mediation on my lawsuit involving my house's foundation. I'm sure it works differently in other places, but for ours, my lawyer and I were in one room and the lawyers for the other side were in the other room. We never talked directly--everything went through the mediator. We could tell things to the mediator about what we wanted or were willing to negotiate, and the mediator would disclose to the other side only what we permitted him to do.
Mediation shouldn't take that long to schedule. Both sides have to agree to the choice of mediator, and it really depends on everyone's availability (lawyers, litigants, mediator). In my state, when the mediation is court-ordered, the first two hours of the mediator's time is free (you still have to pay your own lawyer), and after that the mediator's time gets charged (divided between the parties). Your lawyer should be able to explain how it works in your jurisdiction.
Mediation doesn't have to resolve EVERYTHING. It might narrow the issues that are still in dispute. IOW, you could come to agreement on some things but not others, which will still save time/money if you have to go to trial.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
One court date down. The theory of mediation sounds good. (Though, I can't really imagine trying to mediate with alcoholic, abusive XH on most of the stuff we were having problems with - mainly custody.) Maybe it would help to look at it this way: He could either straighten up and be on his best behavior since there will be a neutral 3rd party in the discussions. (Which would work to your benefit.) Or, he could continue as he currently is and the neutral 3rd party would be able to confirm that he's an uncooperative a--. (Which could also work towards your benefit in a roundabout kind of way when you get in front of the judge.)
I'm glad to hear though that it's moving along. Wishing you peace and continued strength.
I'm glad to hear though that it's moving along. Wishing you peace and continued strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Just Me
Hi,
I'm waiting for my court ordered mediation. Today, I got an early-mail from my lawyer, telling me, my AH lawyer is requesting more credit card statements. It took me a couple of weeks to get all the stuff she wanted, but I got everything. Now she wants 2 more months of statements. I had to go back to 1/2016- 08/2016. She's requesting 09/2016, and 10/2016. I don't understand why she wants all my credit card statements. All they will see is I'm in debt. I understand wanting bank account statements.
I'm having a rough night.
Again, I'm trying to make sense of a senseless situation.!
I'm taking deep breaths!! Want this to be over so I can finally move on!!! I feel like I have wasted a year of my life! Time is a precious thing, you can never get back!
Thank you for listening! I know it will get better!
Z
I'm waiting for my court ordered mediation. Today, I got an early-mail from my lawyer, telling me, my AH lawyer is requesting more credit card statements. It took me a couple of weeks to get all the stuff she wanted, but I got everything. Now she wants 2 more months of statements. I had to go back to 1/2016- 08/2016. She's requesting 09/2016, and 10/2016. I don't understand why she wants all my credit card statements. All they will see is I'm in debt. I understand wanting bank account statements.
I'm having a rough night.
Again, I'm trying to make sense of a senseless situation.!
I'm taking deep breaths!! Want this to be over so I can finally move on!!! I feel like I have wasted a year of my life! Time is a precious thing, you can never get back!
Thank you for listening! I know it will get better!
Z
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
I know how you feel. My STBXAH's lawyer is requested tons of ridiculous paperwork but yet my ex can't even comply with the agreed upon drug test (hopefully soon to be court ordered) OR the mandatory financial affidavit. I feel like I'm running in circles while he sits back and does nothing. Hopefully soon this will be a thing of the past for us. Hang in there!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by Sunshine1234 
I know how you feel. My STBXAH's lawyer is requested tons of ridiculous paperwork but yet my ex can't even comply with the agreed upon drug test (hopefully soon to be court ordered) OR the mandatory financial affidavit. I feel like I'm running in circles while he sits back and does nothing. Hopefully soon this will be a thing of the past for us. Hang in there!!
Hi,
I truely know how you feel! I feel like I'm jumping through hoops for his lawyer, and she is really unpleasant! My AH hasn't produced anything we asked for ! My lawyer has been very respectful. This has been going on almost a year! My AH is hiding money, and doesn't want to give me anything, even though I was the wage earner in my home. Please let me know how things are going with you. I wish I could do more to support you! I am here and am a good listener!! Take care!
Z
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Zircon
Hi,
I truely know how you feel! I feel like I'm jumping through hoops for his lawyer, and she is really unpleasant! My AH hasn't produced anything we asked for ! My lawyer has been very respectful. This has been going on almost a year! My AH is hiding money, and doesn't want to give me anything, even though I was the wage earner in my home. Please let me know how things are going with you. I wish I could do more to support you! I am here and am a good listener!! Take care!
Z
I truely know how you feel! I feel like I'm jumping through hoops for his lawyer, and she is really unpleasant! My AH hasn't produced anything we asked for ! My lawyer has been very respectful. This has been going on almost a year! My AH is hiding money, and doesn't want to give me anything, even though I was the wage earner in my home. Please let me know how things are going with you. I wish I could do more to support you! I am here and am a good listener!! Take care!
Z
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