New to boards and need advice

Old 10-29-2001, 09:50 AM
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Lightbulb New to boards and need advice

Hi i am new to the boards and well just need someone who knows what i am going through. I just turned 19 and have realized i have let alcholism control my life. I lived with my mother and her boyfriend for 11 years, he abused alchol and drugs, he also beat my mother severly. A very good friend draged me out of there and i have been living with her for 6 months now. My family however has disowned me for leaving.
Now i face life as an adult and find myself with major emotional problems cause by living with an alcholic all my life. I find myself very un-happy, i judge myself with no mercy, i am always out ot please everyone just so i will not have to deal with confrontation, i cannot have an intamate relationship with anyone every time someone gets close to me i close myself off to them, i seek approval from everyone around me which makes it hard for me at work. I have no enjoyment in my life and dont know how ot have fun. I think these emotional problems are all effects from living with an alcholic for so long, i was always had to hide my feelings and found myself trying to please my parents so they wouldnt drink, i blamed myself for their drinking. Now i have realized it was in no way fault but now i need help finding myself if anyone has any suggestion please email me. I feel alone in the world like im the only one facing this problem. I feel i dont know myself that i dont have my own personality.
thanx for listening
lost and lonely
Old 10-29-2001, 11:54 AM
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Hi Lost and Lonely.
I think you are doing great to recognize that you are not the problem, your family is. I also think you are in good shape recognizing all of this at 19 years old. I guess the first question I am wondering is whether you are seeing a counselor of any sort right now? I think it is extremely important you have a friend who cares about you and pulled you out of the situation you were in, but it is going to take a lot of encouragement and positive reinforcement to remind yourself not to be so hard on yourself.
Old 10-29-2001, 02:53 PM
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smoke gets in my eyes's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416

Hi Dlphnbrat!
Welcome to the soberrecovery forum! In your post you requested e-mail, but I hope you will keep checking the boards. You never know when someone else's discussion will shed some light on your situation. Also, you may help someone who is in your situation, but too shy to post, with something YOU have to say.
Have you thought about going to al-anon meetings? Sometimes it's just nice to know you are not alone, and to have a place to talk out your feelings. "Skeptical" asks if you have seen, or would consider seeing a counselor. I guess we both feel you need to have someone to talk to.
You have gone through a lot for someone your age, but there are others like you that you will find at al-anon or nar-anon. Not everybody likes the 12 step approach, but there are far fewer kinds of groups out there for "anons" than there are for addicts.
I hope you will keep reading and posting on the forum. Everyone says it's not as good as a face to face group... but it certainly has helped me a lot.
Don't be hard on yourself. Nobody's personality is complete by the time they are 19. It's great that yours is going to start growing in the ABSENSE of alchoholics.
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Old 10-29-2001, 03:09 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
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Hi DolphinBrat:

Welcome to the boards. Have you tried going to al-anon meetings? In my state, there are many meetings for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA). Many of the people raised in alcoholic homes have expressed some or all of the problems you are now trying to cope with.

It's great that you are reaching out - this is an important first step. Isolation is such a danger to those affected by having a loved one who is an alcoholic or addict.

You are not alone - we are here to listen and we care.

Keep coming back and let us know how you are doing.

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Old 10-30-2001, 05:40 AM
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welcome, brat. we are glad you're here. congratulations on your ability to see the big picture of your life while you are so bogged down in somebody else's lifestyle. your story is very similar to mine, and i have felt all the thngs you describe.

my suggestion to you, in addition to attending those all-important meetings, is to pick ONE thing that bothers you and work on it first. i remember how overwhelmed i felt at the prospect of re-vamping my whole existence. I decided i would work on my "approval-seeking" behaviors first, but you may decide on something else, like remembering how to have fun.

keep coming back. we love you. and even though you may not like all of us, we can help you reason things out -- one day at a time.
Old 10-31-2004, 08:42 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: lala land
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Hey lost and lonely. Know all to well what you're going through. I'm now 38 and grew up with an alcholic. Now I'm married to one who is also and addict. Do what I didn't do. Go get prof. help. Trust in God, Pray, and always remember that God didn't make anything bad. Tell yourself everyday that you
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