Expanding

Major learning experience when it comes to needing patience with those who are not as traveled. I was blamed tonight for someone being in a place they didn't want to be, and even though my heart was pounding I spoke up, "We are all adults here. You made your decision and could have left, you didn't have to stay because I did"

This person was angry they were still at a person's house. I had gone to bed as I was planing on staying the night and arranged for a ride home in the morning. Instead of letting me be this person came upstairs at 4-5 AM and sat on my legs, bringing two other inconsiderate noisy people with her, waking me and then keeping me up. I can't remember the last time I felt so angry. As soon as this person leaves silence falls upon the whole house! She was an actual source of chaos... even though I know this to be true it's still hard to accept.

A grown adult was blaming ME for still being in a place she didn't want to be, even though she had a chance to leave. I'm almost 30, that **** is not going to fly with me anymore. No effing way!! I don't care what she expected, regardless if it's not what she wanted I am not going to let a grown adult place blame on me for her failed expectations.

I can't even explain how hard and fast my heart was racing. I knew I was breaking an old pattern and possibly destroying a relationship. I care but I didn't care at the same time. I can hear them talking about me like I was the crazy one. It's just, so SAD.

This journey has been amazing but so ******* hard. I feel like I fight tears on a weekly basis when I'm faced with the reality of something. I get stronger but every once in a while I'm whacked with something hard, like tonight.

The house is quiet now and most are asleep but I'm so wound up I had to share. There is one kid that's trying to get my attention by telling me how I "should" be, I did tell him I dont care how he thinks I should be and he has since left me alone but Jezum Crow... I had no mind of my own... at all... for a very long time

honeypig

Growth can be so hard and uncomfortable...in fact, in my experience, it almost always is hard and uncomfortable.

In fact, I don't really LIKE "growing." I much prefer being in the "having grown" stage, where the discomfort is mostly past and I can look back and say "yeah, glad that's over, enjoying the results quite a bit now!"

Your little acorn is starting to turn into a mighty oak, Expanding!

Expanding

This is tough because I know she considers us friends but I don't know how or if this will change anything between us. I'm just so sick and tired of the crap! I can't keep it in anymore!! I want to be there for her and be a good friend but I can't do that while I'm being treated Iike crap.

We have dealt with our breakups in vastly different ways. She started taking antidepressants and dating someone who is an A and on pills, and I started therapy and self care. She actually said she's been watching me to see how I deal and I don't know if it's because I'm a source of inspiration or if she thinks I will fail... or hopes I will fail? I just don't know anymore... I can't believe someone her age would blame me for a decision she made! I don't know what she thought would happen to me if she left, like if she thought I would shrivel and die? I don't know, sounds like my old codependent thinking to me!!

Bekindalways

Yikes Expanding. Sounds hard in a good way or good in a hard way.

I suppose that like alcoholics have to leave their drinking buddies to get sober, we codies have to leave behind some of our relationships. I have friends that I have turned away from and had friends turn away from me. It is painful but necessary as we grow, change and learn.