timetohealguy

Hi All,

I found this article and thought it would be of interest to anyone dealing with a dry drunk ...

https://www.discoveryplace.info/dry-...drunk-recovery

Berrybean

Ouch. Yep. I remember ALL those things. And I was going to meetings as well. Sitting surrounded by AAers with good recovery and hoping it'd just somehow rub off on me without having to accept that I needed to do some work on myself.

Good article. Very, very accurate. (Just thought I'd mention though, lots of people on the forum do object to the term 'dry drunk' - not me personally, and I WAS one - but thought I'd mention it because it's always good to know where the toes are in case we want to avoid stepping on them. )

Upstairs

Very interesting article! I may have to read this one over a lot for it all to sink in,

DesertEyes

Another word I've heard used, in order to avoid toe-stepping, is "un-drunk".

Mike

timetohealguy

Hi Mike,

Feel free to edit my first post in this thread if it is offensive to anyone. No offense was intended.

Kboys

Thanks TtHG.
Interesting article. I definitely would have described by now Separated AH as a dry drunk during his nine month sober period, and his toes would have been stepped on for sure He displayed pretty much all of those characteristics, especially the "terminal uniqueness".

It makes me wonder about myself though too...

Maybe I am (or was) a dry codependent? Is that a thing?

I took away the alcoholic, but I still have problems, dangit.
I think I myself have also displayed some of those dry drunk characteristics... especially the negativity ( In the past I never thought of myself as a negative person, but I am realizing lately that maybe I am...) and the euphoric thinking.

And like Berrybean said, I think maybe at first I came here, and to Al-anon meetings hoping all that good recovery would just rub off on me too, without doing much "work" besides just reading and venting....

I have a long way to go....

timetohealguy

Great post Kboys

Bekindalways

^^^^ I'm joining Timetohealguy and Kboys on this one.

I could put forth a pretty good argument for myself being a dry-codependent or an un-codependent. Since I left my qualifier, many decades ago, I have stayed out of relationships.

This isn't all bad but there are symptoms of the "dry" or "un": I really have a hard time doing things for myself, I love to help/support people, chronic depression, and I really have trouble accepting support/help from others, I always want to do things for myself.

jjnorris

This is a great article and describes many characteristics of my sober husband. He refuses the need for anything other than not drinking. He is taking meds to help with that part but not making any changes to self, no counseling, no AA. According to him, he stopped drinking that is all he can do and he feels great (2 months sober). I worry what will happen in another 2 months, what will happen when he stops the naltrexone. I am learning to acknowledge these fears, make plans for if they happen and realize there is nothing I can do to prevent it if he chooses to return to drinking. I can only ensure that my daughter and I are safe. I have a clear understanding of what my boundaries are, as does he, and I have safeguards in place if those boundaries are exceeded.
This article helped me see that although the alcohol is gone, the drinker may not be.

Maudcat

Another saying is "sober but not in recovery."

Maudcat

Thanks for posting the article, Time. Very informative.

DesertEyes

My sponsor says I have "pink flag syndrome", because where the rest of the world sees red flags in a relationship I see pink.

It kind of goes like this:

self <= sees attractive young lady wearing leather, with sophisticated taste in art and doing volunteer work at the prison. self gets ready to ask her out.

sponsor <= sees same woman as biker chick covered in tatoos getting released on parole. Grabs self by the ear and drags to a meeting.

Mike
* okay, so I'm not quite that sick. I've made a lot of progress since those days *

mylifeismine

This forum has enlightened me in so many ways, one of the most
helpful being the distinction between being sober and "in recovery".
Two very different things...... and being in alanon myself now,
I have greater understanding of the recovery process. Great
article, thanks for posting.

August252015

Great thread- (and here is another, quite similar article I was reading today-
Dry Drunk | When an Alcoholic Stops Drinking or a Drug Addict Stops Using But Does Not Seem to Get Better - BreakingTheCycles.com )

My focus is on my emotional sobriety- I believe everything follows from that, specifically physical sobriety. The emotional part- so, not just being sober and not being a dry drunk (*shudder*)- the fit spiritual condition- the entire concept of a living recovery program....that's my aim.

This kind of info is, IMO, really helpful to people working a program and to people dealing with those who....should be. My boyfriend is in recovery and his ex-wife is still either a practicing alcoholic or a dry drunk, depending on the week pretty much. He and I each work a program and discuss the "side" of this that entails stagnating in recovery --> backsliding, etc. My mom is an alcoholic- now sober, and also someone who spent years as an on-and-off dry drunk while I was in my teens and 20s (I am 40 now and she has been sober 11 years this time).

I think it is great when anyone who needs to gets and stays sober. I personally want more than that - more than just a life of "don't drink, go to meetings." I want a full life, so I need to keep working on being a better me.

NoelleR

I'm a recovered alcoholic, and I do NOT use the term 'dry drunk.' I've found it's usually used by folks who judge others as though if you're not sober according to their specifications then you're not sober; you're a dry drunk.

"Dry Drunk | When an Alcoholic Stops Drinking or a Drug Addict Stops Using But Does Not Seem to Get Better"

That's lovely, but just who gets to decide what 'better' means? This sounds awfully judgmental to me. I think I'd rather be friends with a sober horse thief than the person who makes this call. I got sober in the rooms of AA, and AA defines (in their literature) sober/sobriety as 'freedom from alcohol' (through their 12 steps). If I have freedom from alcohol, I'm sober; yet if someone wants to call me a dry drunk......I just usually look at the source.

(o:

Bekindalways

Love this Mike. It made me laugh!

Bekindalways

Noelle, this makes a lot of sense. (although I still find the term somewhat useful).

My qualifier (meth user) got sober in jail, hates AA and has stayed sober some 20 years (as far as I know). To me, how he has done it is none of my business. He never became the person I wanted to spend my life with but that wasn't his calling/business/highest-goal. He is living his life as he needs to.

NYCDoglvr

"When you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse-thief you have a horse thief." Heard that in early sobriety and it is true, at least for me.

What I didn't see until I had about ten years and had just survived the worst relationship of my life was the enormous amount of self-will in me. The pain led to getting serious about the 12 Steps and cognitive therapy. Thanks to the steps I was able to admit that it wasn't the fault of a screwed up guy but that I picked him. With my Alanon sponsor I worked hard to change so I didn't pick the same person again. Change takes self-honesty and willingness.

timetohealguy

Hi jjnorris,

This other thread I started may also be of interest to you ...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html