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A Seemingly Neverending List of Things I Do Not Miss

Old 10-27-2016, 06:29 PM
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A Seemingly Neverending List of Things I Do Not Miss

So this may or may not be helpful to those reading, but it feels cathartic for me to list these items out loud, especially after officially blocking my AexBf's phone number today (he texted me today after one month of NC).

This is kind of word vomit, but I've kept this list in my phone for reference when I'm feeling nostalgic, weak, or completely unrealistic.

Things I do not miss:
  • Waking up in the middle of the night to find you'd spilled your last beer all over the bed
  • Constantly trying to figure out if you're cheating
  • Beer cans and bottles all over the apartment no matter how often I seem to clean
  • Your constant criticism of my body and mind
  • Never making me feel like I am enough
  • Feeling worried about how drunk and rude you will get at work/friend happy hours
  • Your constant insults of my career aspirations
  • Worrying about whether you will be too drunk to walk down the back stairwell on your own for a cigarette after I've gone to sleep
  • Your inability to maintain a steady paycheck
  • Countless instances of physical violence
  • Debilitating health problems ESPECIALLY for a 29 year old man
  • Socially rude and abrasive (because you're drunk)
  • Smoking 1.5 packs a day with severe asthma
  • Waking up in a panic in the middle of the night to help you find the inhaler you misplaced while drunk
  • So many money problems; bill collectors calling day and night
  • Treating my anxiety like a joke
  • Thoughts of you consuming 90% of my thoughts
  • Your ability to hurt me like no one else
  • You wearing the same underwear for multiple days in a row; you not caring about basic hygiene
  • Never having sex
  • You being constantly drunk or high (and acting like being high all the time isn't a big deal)
  • Your refusal to enroll in a health insurance program despite significant health concerns
  • Your frequent irritability and freak outs over the smallest inconveniences
  • You are always one car accident away from not being able to pay rent
  • You not caring when I cry
  • You never buying me a birthday or Christmas present (excuse: too broke)
  • Selfish and irritable
  • Worrying about the fact that you haven't filed taxes for the past three years
  • Never feeling like you're on my team
  • Unrealistic
  • Your refusal to engage in even basic exercise
  • Blaming me for every problem in your life
  • Never wants to go outside
  • You getting wasted every time we visit your parents
  • Not as attractive as you used to be (because of the drinking)
  • Acting like small favors are massive inconveniences
  • Always making me feel like you'd leave me if you found someone better
  • Finding your puke all over the bathroom in the morning
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Old 10-27-2016, 07:46 PM
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I can relate to many of those. It is such a relief to read so many of these posts like this. Many of these really resonate with me. Thanks.
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Old 10-27-2016, 08:26 PM
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Yep, Been there, done that.

Keep moving forward, NC works, when you work it!!
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Old 10-28-2016, 03:51 PM
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Well said gbriezy! Most of the above, but I have one more!...constant disappointment of living with broken promises! I think I will write myself my own list now! Best wishes to you x
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Old 10-28-2016, 04:35 PM
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Oh my! I'll bet most of us could add quite a few bullets to that list.
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Old 10-29-2016, 06:26 AM
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oh it sounds horrible and I bet you feel a lot stronger after writing it.
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Old 10-29-2016, 07:48 AM
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Never making me feel like I am enough

So many money problems; bill collectors calling day and night

Your frequent irritability and freak outs over the smallest inconveniences

You never buying me a birthday or Christmas present (excuse: too broke)

Selfish and irritable

Never feeling like you're on my team

Unrealistic

Acting like small favors are massive inconveniences


Yup to all of these. The present thing is really bugging me now. I'm not that materialistic but now that all the dysfunction in this relationship is coming together, I see how the rights of passage and rituals I poo-poo'ed when I was younger, well, they mean something. And not getting anything means something too.

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Old 10-30-2016, 01:57 PM
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Two to add:
--ten year old daughter, terrified, waking me up in the middle of the night saying daddy is in her bed and won't get up
--stepping into a lake of **** on the bathroom floor, first thing in the morning
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Old 10-30-2016, 02:59 PM
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Oh yes indeed sauerkraut! Always forgetting to check the bathroom floor ( and loo seat!) for 'fluid!'...usually when I only have socks on or bare feet!..totally disgusting!! How appealing...how sexy...NOT!!..and they wonder why we don't want to be intimate with them?!!!!
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Old 10-31-2016, 08:32 AM
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Wow, thanks for posting this list! I, too, can relate to many of these bullets. I have a few to add ...
- Drinking when you have to interact with my family
- Not making any effort to get to know my family or friends
- Making me feel insecure when I don't get your sense of humor
- Neglecting our dog
- The smell of "alcohol sweat" when you sleep / wake up hungover
- Almost never helping around the house and acting like you deserve a medal when you do one thing
- Me constantly worrying when you're out late and if you'll drink and drive... again.
- You never seemingly wanting to have a real conversation with me... ever
- You zoning out in front of the TV and/or your phone constantly

I feel better already and I really like the idea of keeping a list handy for moments of weakness. Thank you!
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Old 10-31-2016, 09:46 AM
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Telling me you're staying at a friends or taking a cab because you know it's what I want to hear, and driving home anyways.

Waiting for a text or call all day as the knot in my stomach grows and grows. Wondering what you're doing, knowing you're out drinking, somehow shocked we are "here" again.

Putting my life on hold because you don't like to make plans in advance. Waiting and hoping each day you would want to see me and keeping my schedule open just in case.

Worrying about what you're doing when you're out. Remembering all the stories you have told me from the past and feeling sick.

Loving you so much when you're sober and hating you so much after you pass that drink marker and become "him".

The love and hate are still both there, but the daily disappointment and attachment have subsided.
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Old 10-31-2016, 10:12 AM
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Kudo’s for officially blocking his phone #. !!!
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Old 11-01-2016, 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by CaptainM View Post
- Drinking when you have to interact with my family
- Not making any effort to get to know my family or friends
- Making me feel insecure when I don't get your sense of humor
- Neglecting our dog
- The smell of "alcohol sweat" when you sleep / wake up hungover
- Almost never helping around the house and acting like you deserve a medal when you do one thing
- Me constantly worrying when you're out late and if you'll drink and drive... again.
- You never seemingly wanting to have a real conversation with me... ever
- You zoning out in front of the TV and/or your phone constantly
Oh my god. These could certainly be added to my list. I always wondered if they were related to the alcohol or him being a selfish *****. In retrospect, probably both.
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Old 11-01-2016, 07:46 PM
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- Bad promises.

I left before it got very bad as I couldn't stand the above and the promises stank of broken the second they came out of your mouth.
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Old 11-02-2016, 04:38 AM
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Gosh lots I could repeat from above.
Plus

No more mysterious unexplained email accounts and personal devices being hacked.

No more unexplained damages to vehicles

No more being terrified of sexual intimacy.

No more being embarrassed to go out in public or social events together.

No more having to soothe and calm and care for a child that isn't mine, because her mom isn't here.

No more isolation from the normal people and the ability to engage in the outside world.

No more having to hear......why are you with someone like that.

No more lying on behalf of a drunk when they can't hold up thier end of something.

No more constant manipulation.

No more walking on eggshells.

No more digging into savings to put out a financial fire.

No more constant underlying stress and tension.

No more feeling crappy about yourself for being here.
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