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I want to scream at xAH, so instead I am posting here...

Old 10-23-2016, 05:32 PM
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I want to scream at xAH, so instead I am posting here...

He decided to be sober for a while this weekend and therefore got to see the kids-- a plus for them so I find the positives where I can.

In any event, he arrived, did the breathalyzer, was sober, and I invited him into the kitchen to wait for the kids vs being in the cold and rain...

The kids came down and the younger of my two sheepishly inched toward him (the older one was annoyed that she was going with her dad and being grumpy toward he and I alike).

xAH said to the younger of our daughters "come give me a hug right now- don't make me wait".

He tried to make it sound joking like but it came off as a demand and I cringed.

She went and hugged him and he then commented "that's all you have to give me? I want a real hug".

Again, I cringed.

This same daughter scurried off to get a picture she said she had drawn for him and came back with it and proudly gave it to him and said that she hoped he liked it.

His response: "wow that is beautiful and it reminds me of the super hot girls I saw in Spain when I was there in 98".

At that point I could not contain myself and asked him what in gods name was wrong with him and may have referred to him as being Trumps long lost twin.

He replied "come on, I'm just being a wise guy" and shrugged it off...

We have 2 daughters, and that's how he speaks/behaves.

Demands hugs, criticizes the affection they do show him and speaks about "hot girls" to his 8 and 11 yr old daughters.

I wished them a lovely afternoon and told the girls to be good and have fun and they left.

I went for a LONG run so as to not lose my mind over the insanity of xAH's commentary and now Im thinking about it again after seeing a worksheet on body image my 11 yr old did in health class, and am just appalled at the "model" their father sets for them.

Thanks for listening! Rant over.
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Old 10-23-2016, 05:56 PM
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Oh yuck. That's awful and so, so inappropriate. I'm so sorry.
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Old 10-23-2016, 06:05 PM
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Hello wantobehealthy. I have to say that your 'Trump's long lost twin's made me laugh out loud! I am English, and we are finding your presidential campaign amusing to say the least! However, what your ex says and does is indeed cringe worthy! I am no expert, believe me, but do you not think that he is over compensating a little? Perhaps he knows that he is a loser, and by saying things that are testosterone -fuelled, he thinks that he is actually impressing you, or perhaps trying to intimidate you? He sounds pretty ****-sure of himself,whatever his motives, but he is just making himself look and sound ridiculous! Trying not to offend any men here, but blokes do need to show-off in order to assert their manhood, but he needs to get over himself in order to be a father! Your kids need a role model, and his outburst about the 'hottie' is degrading! Like I said, perhaps he thinks he is funny and impressive...he really isn't! He needs to get a grip before he loses all respect from his children! Anyway, you vent away!...we all need that!
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Old 10-23-2016, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Lizzieloulou View Post
Hello wantobehealthy. I have to say that your 'Trump's long lost twin's made me laugh out loud! I am English, and we are finding your presidential campaign amusing to say the least! However, what your ex says and does is indeed cringe worthy! I am no expert, believe me, but do you not think that he is over compensating a little? Perhaps he knows that he is a loser, and by saying things that are testosterone -fuelled, he thinks that he is actually impressing you, or perhaps trying to intimidate you? He sounds pretty ****-sure of himself,whatever his motives, but he is just making himself look and sound ridiculous! Trying not to offend any men here, but blokes do need to show-off in order to assert their manhood, but he needs to get over himself in order to be a father! Your kids need a role model, and his outburst about the 'hottie' is degrading! Like I said, perhaps he thinks he is funny and impressive...he really isn't! He needs to get a grip before he loses all respect from his children! Anyway, you vent away!...we all need that!
He definitely is a) insecure b) has less hair than Trump (can't help myself with the comparison) c) is pompous d) thinks he's a riot and e) has lost all respect from DD 11 and after his disgusting antics today, DD 8 is a bit sketched out by him too...

Zero boundaries is the name of his game for sure...

Thanks for the confirmation that Im not losing my mind for finding his detestable comments, and creepy demands for how the kids show affection (I used to be the one who got those demands when we were together and it skeeves me out to no end to hear him making similar ish demands of our kids) totally off base...
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Old 10-23-2016, 06:50 PM
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WTBH,

I must say, in a way I was OK with the asking for a hug, and even perhaps what he said after that, until you talked about the picture that your daughter drew for him. Then I seemed to remember that you were questioning things of a sexual nature or something about a year or more ago.

I'm also angry along with you. As someone recently said, sometimes it would be nice to "take this guy out in back of the gym".

This stuff needs to stop. No, a man does not talk to his daughter that way. No, a man does not talk to his gf, wife that way. That is NOT a man. That is an insecure jerk.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
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Old 10-23-2016, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
WTBH,

I must say, in a way I was OK with the asking for a hug, and even perhaps what he said after that, until you talked about the picture that your daughter drew for him. Then I seemed to remember that you were questioning things of a sexual nature or something about a year or more ago.

I'm also angry along with you. As someone recently said, sometimes it would be nice to "take this guy out in back of the gym".

This stuff needs to stop. No, a man does not talk to his daughter that way. No, a man does not talk to his gf, wife that way. That is NOT a man. That is an insecure jerk.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
Yeah, the asking for the hug and the whining like a baby bc she didnt hug him adequately, would not be enough in and of itself to ruffle me... but he has this way about him that is CREEPY beyond creepy and I just watched it unfolding and the remarks about the hot girls in Spain -- Im just shaking my head still...

This is a man, who when he was fired from his job working with kids, was fired in part due to his inappropriate behavior with and toward female teenagers who he was teaching...

So, as my kids get older, and I see his creepy behavior on display on days like today, my blood runs cold and I just internally panic.
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Old 10-23-2016, 07:05 PM
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I couldn't even talk about the whining that he didn't get a better hug. For the amount of times that he was drinking and he missed those weekends and all that other stuff, no, the fact that she was even willing to acknowledge him should have been sufficient.

I really do feel for you. After reading that, I did reply but had to cut it short because I needed to take a walk through the house, and then go "vomit". You are not over exaggerating. If anything at all comes out of this recent political nightmare happens, I do hope that it is more awareness to this type of thing.

I really can't believe that I dislike your ex, much much more then I dislike my own ex.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

PS--- I'm sure your haircut looks terrific. How is your new job?
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Old 10-23-2016, 07:15 PM
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Ugh. I have to admit - Trump's long lost twin cracked me up. He sounds seriously creepy - I would certainly be sensitive to how your girls feel about visitation. Hot girls - goodness. He is certainly easily impressed since he is carrying this memory of his for years lol. IMO - no one over age of 20 should use "hot" as description of another human.

My XAH is similar - he wants hugs and love when he gives very little. It really boggles my mind that he expects DS12 just be overjoyed every time he sees him (and DS is very close to that - he has unconditional love for his dad). XAH during and after this last relapse developed this disquisting habit of commenting on appearance of women he perceives unattractive/overweight/whatever who just go along on their way. And then he is outraged by the way the presidential candidate speaks about women. Denial runs deep in this one.

I politely requested not to make comments about anyone's appearance, including mine, in my and sons presence. For which I was "insulted" once again with "you are such a girlscout" line.

Alcoholism destroys the last of internal standards of behavior for sure.
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Old 10-24-2016, 04:13 AM
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O.
M.
G.
What a DOUCHEBAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 10-25-2016, 05:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Nata1980 View Post
Ugh. I have to admit - Trump's long lost twin cracked me up. He sounds seriously creepy - I would certainly be sensitive to how your girls feel about visitation. Hot girls - goodness. He is certainly easily impressed since he is carrying this memory of his for years lol. IMO - no one over age of 20 should use "hot" as description of another human.

My XAH is similar - he wants hugs and love when he gives very little. It really boggles my mind that he expects DS12 just be overjoyed every time he sees him (and DS is very close to that - he has unconditional love for his dad). XAH during and after this last relapse developed this disquisting habit of commenting on appearance of women he perceives unattractive/overweight/whatever who just go along on their way. And then he is outraged by the way the presidential candidate speaks about women. Denial runs deep in this one.

I politely requested not to make comments about anyone's appearance, including mine, in my and sons presence. For which I was "insulted" once again with "you are such a girlscout" line.

Alcoholism destroys the last of internal standards of behavior for sure.
Your xAH uses the "girlscout" line -- I've gotten that one too-- it's remarkable, really, how cookie cutter their lines are... I also get told regularly that I should "loosen up" and stop acting like a "f'ing nun".

Those are the lines I get when I ask that the misogynistic disgusting comments, leers, looks etc... NOT occur in front of our daughters...

Sigh....

And Amy, I know you're not joking when you say that you dislike my ex more than your own, but I actually grinned a bit at that since that takes a lot given what a total d-bag your ex is too!

Wow.

Thanks as always to you all for bringing me back down to earth!
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Old 10-25-2016, 05:43 PM
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Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
I couldn't even talk about the whining that he didn't get a better hug. For the amount of times that he was drinking and he missed those weekends and all that other stuff, no, the fact that she was even willing to acknowledge him should have been sufficient.

I really do feel for you. After reading that, I did reply but had to cut it short because I needed to take a walk through the house, and then go "vomit". You are not over exaggerating. If anything at all comes out of this recent political nightmare happens, I do hope that it is more awareness to this type of thing.

I really can't believe that I dislike your ex, much much more then I dislike my own ex.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

PS--- I'm sure your haircut looks terrific. How is your new job?
New job is AWESOME! I love it- am valued, people are real, Im respected for my knowledge and skill- not stifled and lots of long term teachers so no one is vying to be top dog-- we all know our stuff and do it well and work together. It's too good to be true a bit actually-- it's not perfect at all, but it's really good... a really good fit. I haven't felt happy and fullfilled with work like this since before I married xAH and left a job I loved...

Im super happy! Thank you for asking!
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Old 10-25-2016, 06:19 PM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Your xAH uses the "girlscout" line -- I've gotten that one too-- it's remarkable, really, how cookie cutter their lines are... I also get told regularly that I should "loosen up" and stop acting like a "f'ing nun".

Those are the lines I get when I ask that the misogynistic disgusting comments, leers, looks etc... NOT occur in front of our daughters...
OMG I got the f'ing nun, you need to loosen up, and you are no fun as well. Sometimes I feel like we are/were all married to the exact same person who manages to live multiple lives across the states and continents.
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Old 10-25-2016, 08:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Nata1980 View Post
...Sometimes I feel like we are/were all married to the exact same person who manages to live multiple lives across the states and continents.
^^^^Yes. Lol
Also, original poster is totally justified in her feelings. Very creepy and annoying. Also, great job going for a run. Healthy outlets like that really help in this madness.
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Old 10-26-2016, 06:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Nata1980 View Post
OMG I got the f'ing nun, you need to loosen up, and you are no fun as well. Sometimes I feel like we are/were all married to the exact same person who manages to live multiple lives across the states and continents.
Funny (not haha funny, more ironic I suppose) that despite being a "f'ing nun, no fun and needing to loosen up", Im the one with my life in tact, raising our kids and pretty happy and doing well and he's a hot mess...

Got to remind myself of that now and then!

And we totally are all married to (or were married to) the same person-- stunning isn't it?
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Old 10-26-2016, 07:00 PM
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He's an idiot.
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Old 10-26-2016, 07:33 PM
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Major life changes aren't scripted. They're often tenuous trial and errors; as we find the 'best way'.

Do you truly want him to be gone emotionally and physically; probably married and moved away?

Is there anything you can do to promote that? Perhaps minimizing any contacts with him, and seriously 'dating', etc?

Best wishes
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Old 10-27-2016, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Nata1980 View Post
OMG I got the f'ing nun, you need to loosen up, and you are no fun as well. Sometimes I feel like we are/were all married to the exact same person who manages to live multiple lives across the states and continents.
Same here I get the "you're lame, you need to relax, why don't you have a glass of wine." Makes me physically ill.
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