XAH "helping"
 

I had my wisdom teeth removed this morning.
XAH insisted that he'd stop by to help out with DS's outings/food prep/in general (mind you, I did not have any sedation, just local, and not taking any prescription meds).

I am doing ok, in moderate pain just as pamphlet describes, XAH keeps talking about how he misses DS. Also how hard it is for him financially. XAH is staying with his brother 300 miles away till April and then has to figure out where to go. I said - hey - nothing prevents you from moving closer when your time is up at your brothers. Also - nothing prevents you from working 40 hours per week instead of current 15 hours. That comment unleashed a string of "I am doing you a favor that I came over" and "you never appreciate anything". I NEVER asked him to come - even said no it is not necessary when he suggested, but closer to the surgery I sort of freaked out about possible complications (thanks to clueless co-workers and their horror stories), and when he said he is coming over to help I caved in.

What in the world....DS is super happy dad is here so I don't want to make a big scene and ask him to leave. I guess I should not have said anything - none of my business, but he was whining and I am in pain so I lost control for a sec.

Just wanted to vent, laying here, hungry, with holes where my teeth used to be. Ugh:( :headbange:headbange:headbange

Nata....very typical attitude, I would say! Alcoholics have a hard time with adult responsibilities.....self centered, in the extreme....
I have heard it called "King Baby" behavior...I like that term.......

Maybe you can make him a boy scout badge?

Lol dandy - too funny. He is sprawled on the couch now because he is "exhausted". God grant me serenity... :)

My experience is that this never changes. I have had multiple lessons to teach me that but I guess I'm a slow learner. The only solution that has ever worked is to tell him nothing, ask nothing, share nothing about my life, never offer my opinion on any subject, never comment on his options/actions/life/etc good bad or otherwise, keep all comments about children neutral, no comment at all when he talks about their relationship, and staying at my house (to see kids) has always led to regret. Even if the actual visit goes OK, there is always a price to be paid later.

We do not fight because I do no engage. We are friendly as possible because I have forgiven him. I have accepted that this is who he is and this is the way it is. It is my job to not open myself up to new hurts. My peace is maintained by diligently keeping my life and opinions to myself.

And I'm sorry you are hungry and in pain and vulnerable. You don't need the extra angst.

Thumper - thank you for your wise words and support. I was doing ok with being detached till today.

I wish I could go for a run but Doctor said no strenuous excercise today 😫

Sending hugs Nata, I hope you feel better tomorrow, getting teeth pulled is not fun.

Thumper, you are so funny. Everything you said is correct. With all that said, if you go no contact its the same thing. Then I don't have to slip up and say that "one" insulting thing. You gotta love these guys........

Sigh. Hang tough Nata.

I hope this visit by XAH adds a frisson of enjoyment to his future absence in your life. Tich Naght Han wrote about enjoying not having a tooth ache. In a short time you can enjoy tooth health and absent XAH!

He is gone. Right before he left he shared that his sponsor thought that I am not fit to be in any relationship and I need to see my role in divorce. BTW I filed for divorce because he relapsed gazillion of times, did not work, and even managed to cheat on me once. All while eating food I put on a table in consistent manner. But sure ok I am not fit.

I said ok sure - oh wow it is 4:30 pm aren't you late to get on the road? (He told DS he had to leave at 4pm and could not carve a pumpkin they bought yesterday because he was in a hurry). He sat and pouted for a half an hour without any attention from me whatsoever. He then said "ok I was wrong". I said ok sure. "Ok sure" is my new line.

And he finally packed up, kissed DS good bye, said that he had a nice weekend, and left.

My teeth hurt less now. I did find that I engaged way more than normal because of the pain. Ugh. Oh well.

Nata...unless you heard it straight from the sponsor's mouth, yourself, I wouldn't believe a word of it.
Of course, you have no idea what line of bull he might have been feeding the sponsor......
good job on keeping you cool!

I like the line, "Okay sure." I suppose you could vary it a bit . . ."Mmmm, okay.", "Hmmm, hu huh" (-:

I hope your teeth heal and you don't see this guy for a good long time.

Supervised visitation is on schedule next weekend - but before he left he said he may not have supervisor. I said he needed to obtain supervisor or reschedule. Not hanging out with him another weekend and listening about all my faults lol.

Hi Nata. Hope you're feeling better and sounds like you did a great job holding your ground in a difficult situation. I also have an obnoxious Xah who acts like a juvenile and am in the unenviable position of having to deal with him since I won't leave our child alone with him. You're handling it really well. Stay the course and hope you get better soon!

thank you pndm - I remember your story

XAH kept calling last night and this morning - so I finally picked up while driving to sports practice said we were ok and just busy. He sounded all peeved that I did not pick up before. I really don't have time to deal with his BS.