So scared...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1
So scared...
My bf of two years is a harcore alcholic. Like he needs it in order to get through his days and to function. If he doesn't have it, his body freaks out.
Well on Monday we were at work together, and this past weekend he had cut down significantly from drinking and was pretty dried out on Monday. As we were wrapping up our day, he had a REALLY bad seizure. It lasted about 3 minutes, and when it was over it looked like he wasn't breathing. This is the first time I've ever seen anyone have one, let alone someone I care so much about. I honestly thought he was dying. We rushed him to the ER, where his bloodwork was done but not much else. Once he was stablized they released him and precribed him some medication to help ween him off of alchol.
But I am so traumatized that, I can barely sleep and I don't want to let him out of my sight. Because I am afraid he will have another one, while he is out somewhere without help and die. This is his second seizure in 6 months and it happens when he doesn't have the "normal" amount of alchol in his system.
I am just so frightened, and I don't really know what to do anymore. I don't want to watch someone I love kill themselves, but I am afraid that if I leave he will die.
Well on Monday we were at work together, and this past weekend he had cut down significantly from drinking and was pretty dried out on Monday. As we were wrapping up our day, he had a REALLY bad seizure. It lasted about 3 minutes, and when it was over it looked like he wasn't breathing. This is the first time I've ever seen anyone have one, let alone someone I care so much about. I honestly thought he was dying. We rushed him to the ER, where his bloodwork was done but not much else. Once he was stablized they released him and precribed him some medication to help ween him off of alchol.
But I am so traumatized that, I can barely sleep and I don't want to let him out of my sight. Because I am afraid he will have another one, while he is out somewhere without help and die. This is his second seizure in 6 months and it happens when he doesn't have the "normal" amount of alchol in his system.
I am just so frightened, and I don't really know what to do anymore. I don't want to watch someone I love kill themselves, but I am afraid that if I leave he will die.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Freedom USA
Posts: 73
Wow, I'm sorry you experienced that. Unfortunately it sounds like he is in dangerous territory. It's best for him to get medical advice /treatment. Could he go to rehab or outpatient counseling? Definitely get a doctor involved in the short term to figure out a safe detox plan where he has medical supervision. He can get better, but it will require not drinking.
I wish you both well.
I wish you both well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
That is scary! My sib had a withdrawal seizure after he ran out of alcohol over a long week-end. It is nothing to fool with, as neurological damage can and does occur. As you said, your bf is hardcore. Does he want to stop drinking? I suggest getting his physician involved, at the very least. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, Punkybow, and I'm glad you found us here. I'm sorry you're going thru such a bad time right now. I think it's going to be very important for you to educate yourself about alcoholism--if you can spend some time reading around the forum, making especially sure to check out the stickied threads at the top of the page, you'll get a crash course on that subject.
Although it seems counter-intuitive, probably the best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. You've made a good start by posting here. Alanon is another great source for face-to-face support and learning.
As I'm sure you're beginning to see, your BF has a serious problem with alcohol. No matter how much you love him, you are not qualified or able to save him. That is between him, his medical caregivers, and those who are qualified (the fellow alcoholics of AA or a therapist). If he wants help, he will find it. If he doesn't, there is nothing you or anyone else can do.
The one person you can help for sure, the one life you can save for sure, is your own.
You are among people who understand, here at SR. I hope you keep coming back to read and post, and I hope you look into Alanon as well.
Although it seems counter-intuitive, probably the best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. You've made a good start by posting here. Alanon is another great source for face-to-face support and learning.
As I'm sure you're beginning to see, your BF has a serious problem with alcohol. No matter how much you love him, you are not qualified or able to save him. That is between him, his medical caregivers, and those who are qualified (the fellow alcoholics of AA or a therapist). If he wants help, he will find it. If he doesn't, there is nothing you or anyone else can do.
The one person you can help for sure, the one life you can save for sure, is your own.
You are among people who understand, here at SR. I hope you keep coming back to read and post, and I hope you look into Alanon as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,982
Originally Posted by honeypig 
Welcome to SR, Punkybow, and I'm glad you found us here. I'm sorry you're going thru such a bad time right now. I think it's going to be very important for you to educate yourself about alcoholism--if you can spend some time reading around the forum, making especially sure to check out the stickied threads at the top of the page, you'll get a crash course on that subject.
Although it seems counter-intuitive, probably the best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. You've made a good start by posting here. Alanon is another great source for face-to-face support and learning.
As I'm sure you're beginning to see, your BF has a serious problem with alcohol. No matter how much you love him, you are not qualified or able to save him. That is between him, his medical caregivers, and those who are qualified (the fellow alcoholics of AA or a therapist). If he wants help, he will find it. If he doesn't, there is nothing you or anyone else can do.
The one person you can help for sure, the one life you can save for sure, is your own.
You are among people who understand, here at SR. I hope you keep coming back to read and post, and I hope you look into Alanon as well.
Although it seems counter-intuitive, probably the best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. You've made a good start by posting here. Alanon is another great source for face-to-face support and learning.
As I'm sure you're beginning to see, your BF has a serious problem with alcohol. No matter how much you love him, you are not qualified or able to save him. That is between him, his medical caregivers, and those who are qualified (the fellow alcoholics of AA or a therapist). If he wants help, he will find it. If he doesn't, there is nothing you or anyone else can do.
The one person you can help for sure, the one life you can save for sure, is your own.
You are among people who understand, here at SR. I hope you keep coming back to read and post, and I hope you look into Alanon as well.
Let us know how you are doing Punkybow. Many of us have been through something similar and know how dingdangblasted painful it is.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Punkybow you are in good company. Many if not all of us have been through similar if not the exact same situation as you. And yes, it is very scary. Here is what I do know;
1. Does your Bf recognize he has a problem and admit he is an alcoholic? Does he want to get treatment? If so there is good news because it means he can be treated for the problem. Unfortunately only HE can do this no matter how much you ask or beg him to - it is in his hands. My Bf knows he is an alkie and knows it is killing him, but his promises to get help tend to fail. I realize only they will know when they are serious about treatment. Doesn't matter if we cry, kick, and scream - doesn't matter if they love us to the moon and back. Doesn't matter about anything , it's organic in their soul completely outside of us. As is their decision to get better. Btw, treatment also includes seeing a doctor about the seizures.
2. I have experienced and seen things in my life with the Abf I never thought I would ever see. I saw him with the massive shakes when the binge ended. I found him on numerous occasions after every binge locked in his room in bed, 10 lbs lighter, puddles of vomit and urine all over the mattress and floor, bed sores up and down his back, clothes soaked in urine, eyes glued shut with guck, crying and wailing. Like you, seeing someone you love so much in pain or seeing the way their behaviors and choices are attacking their body is horrifying and hurts our soul on a level you never knew. We want to shake them and scream at them for choosing to do it, but we know we are only talking to a ghost or rather, a demon - it isn't the man we know and love.
3 - Most import. SELF-CARE. This is a very hard thing to do and I still struggle with it. When you see things like you mention, your mind doesn't know how to process it because it is not only a very powerful thing to witness - but you can't understand how someone would continue to do something so harmful already knowing the dangerous consequences that abound. In other words, it is a trauma we face as the loved one. In fact some folks even develop PTSD when in the company of an A loved one. If you are not taking care of yourself, this disease will overtake you as it is him. I don't mean you will end up an A like him. I mean you will end up with depression, anxiety, and an overall miserable person.
Please get yourself to Alanon and continue to post here. Also, get your hands on some books such as "Codependent No More" that will help you understand where you are in the life of an A.
1. Does your Bf recognize he has a problem and admit he is an alcoholic? Does he want to get treatment? If so there is good news because it means he can be treated for the problem. Unfortunately only HE can do this no matter how much you ask or beg him to - it is in his hands. My Bf knows he is an alkie and knows it is killing him, but his promises to get help tend to fail. I realize only they will know when they are serious about treatment. Doesn't matter if we cry, kick, and scream - doesn't matter if they love us to the moon and back. Doesn't matter about anything , it's organic in their soul completely outside of us. As is their decision to get better. Btw, treatment also includes seeing a doctor about the seizures.
2. I have experienced and seen things in my life with the Abf I never thought I would ever see. I saw him with the massive shakes when the binge ended. I found him on numerous occasions after every binge locked in his room in bed, 10 lbs lighter, puddles of vomit and urine all over the mattress and floor, bed sores up and down his back, clothes soaked in urine, eyes glued shut with guck, crying and wailing. Like you, seeing someone you love so much in pain or seeing the way their behaviors and choices are attacking their body is horrifying and hurts our soul on a level you never knew. We want to shake them and scream at them for choosing to do it, but we know we are only talking to a ghost or rather, a demon - it isn't the man we know and love.
3 - Most import. SELF-CARE. This is a very hard thing to do and I still struggle with it. When you see things like you mention, your mind doesn't know how to process it because it is not only a very powerful thing to witness - but you can't understand how someone would continue to do something so harmful already knowing the dangerous consequences that abound. In other words, it is a trauma we face as the loved one. In fact some folks even develop PTSD when in the company of an A loved one. If you are not taking care of yourself, this disease will overtake you as it is him. I don't mean you will end up an A like him. I mean you will end up with depression, anxiety, and an overall miserable person.
Please get yourself to Alanon and continue to post here. Also, get your hands on some books such as "Codependent No More" that will help you understand where you are in the life of an A.
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